Just when the world comes tumbling down and you thought there's no hope,

2009-04-27T00:35:00.005+08:00

Ayunithebest.......

im actually searching for my old blog skin when i realised i have NONE. bloody hell and then had to search like hell in my hotmail until i cut and paste this layout. OMG, this is my blog like in the year 2006. i was laughing like hell when i saw my face arh. then got I HEARTS army guys ting beside there. ayunie, what were you thinking seh. somemore got forum. hahaha, SO FUNNY. and then i read all the old post. okays, i mean some posts. HAHA, i am still laughing at it. i dont care anymore. i am an individual with my own stand. i know sometimes i keep quiet about things but because i no longer want to fight.

i shall find a new blogskin soon.

and before that, have you heard about alicia keys- if i aint got you.

Some people want it all
But I don't want nothing at all
If it ain't you baby
If I ain't got you baby
Some people want diamond rings
Some just want everything
But everything means nothing
If I ain't got you, Yeah

so old school seh.

2009-02-11T07:17:00.002+08:00

Ayunithebest.......

there was nothing more upsetting than being threatened and feeling vunerable in the world. i got to admit iqbal has prove something to me that i was fragile. i bet he is jumping up and down in his own couch. firdaus has always been right. i was an emotional girl but then, i was not someone who will not stand up for myself. i have proven myself right and saw the very ones who would stand up for me when i was attacked.

seriously. i have compiled.

Amboi. Lancang sungguh mulu kau cakap kawan aku macam gitu. excuse me. look at urself first before praying for God to forgive her sins. Mulut kau tu yang patut kau jaga pasal FITNAH tu dosa lebih besar. Stop bothering my fren idiot.hey idiot. get out of here la. you are just intruding her life. Kumbang bukan seekor la eh. Lelaki bukan satu. Dont you ever mention about being Muslim or whatever. ISLAM is patience and peace. So get out of here. You dont like here, then get out of her sight and life. AND dont you ever mention about muslim or islam. coz if you are gonna debate about the rights and tata tusila org islam, u better get the book and read it now. Now coming here in ppl's blog. Scold sane sini and fitnah. remember! Fitnah is dosa besar. lebih besar dari Zina. Nauzubillah.so get ur life and leave my fren alone.

-nadeera.

hey there IQBALISH....BTW,DO U NOE Y ur spelt with an extra ISH???BECOS I CAN SENSE THAT U ARE JUST SOOOOO DEVILISH...I MEAN evil...EVIL enuff to mALIGN this poor cousin of mine.....u better keep in check ur own retribution alrite.She will find someone better.i tink ur just PLAIN JEALOUS..WATCH UR BACK GOONDOO! and ya....just to keep you in check...fitnah adalah antara dosa2 besar tau iqbalish....fyi,ayunie is the most gentle,softspoken person i known...she will and never hurt anyone...and becos of this shes always prone to be be malign by pips like u.u better taubat k.AMIN.

-mimie.

i cant wait to see hu this person is ayun! drama kalah tv suria. ain nak bawak popcorn on 14 feb & btw, i will support you even tho u are bad :kiss:

-ain.

ayunie..ignore that idiot..kids like these kid down here are just plain childish..haters are just jealous of u since they cant get what they want.seriously..why cant monsters like them stop bothering people?or is it they are too free?hmmm..i wonder.and for that iqbal or whatever and whoever u are,stop bothering ayunie u pest.though i dont really know her too well,i can see that she is a very nice gurl.unlike u.dont hide behind your words u creepy creature! and ayunie..mas support u always okie?and just ignore the monster.. *hugs*

-mastura.

every sane person wld b able to tell the diff bt good and bad.and the bad ones are always the ones starting the fire.we all noe who start it first.and we all noe who is innocent.rmbr iqbal,one finger pointing out,three fingers pointing back.

-cupcake.

dear ayunie,im a fan of your blog and although i don't know you,i just want to tell you that most pple who sound agressive virtually are actually physical cowards who would shrink in physical reaity.this is considered cyberbullying and its punishable by our law.so take stronger actions ayunie.

-Mrs S

i am speechless. when i got home from my east coast cycling and singing with felicia yesterday, i thought about how i wanted my life to be and when i saw the messages this morning, i was realli laughing to myself. never in my life, i see nadeera so angry like that. WAH. sahabat setia arh and mastura who usually is a soft spoken girl tries to stand up for me. im touched really. im touched by the very fact that i know i have people who would be there for me =) GOD has proven me tt i am bound to meet true friends in the world =)

i will always see the beauty in good people.

and iqbal, i hope you are very happy now. very happy because you did achieve your goal. but you will never achieve in breaking my friend's perception of me. never, because iqbal, you are just as usual, pathetic =)

and just for you, i will do just something.

i will cycle to pulau ubin ALONE today. i prove to you something.

i am more braver than what you think i am.

okays. all packed and UBIN, here i go.

2009-02-09T22:57:00.005+08:00

Ayunithebest.......

EDITED.

*this contains NO cookies and creams. just fuck and sickening things*

if you plan to judge me because of this, you are just another addition to the unbased world we live in. i can no longer sit back and do nothing because i realised i am ayunie. i have the right. the last time i was so mad was in secondary school. shouted for hema's sister because she was bullied. now is the other time i shall use that word.

the iqbal diaries.

you know why u feeling like this cause you guilty. ask yourself why you feeling guilty.you have the answer ayuni.stop pretending & act blur.you make someone sad & this what you get.
10 November 2008, 15:52 [GMT]

you know by entering his life will change everything and i did told u before, if you make someone sad or disturb people happiness, you yourseld will not be happy.Don't talk about God here cause you yourself a liar and hypocrite.You tell ms gorgeous that i'm a pyscho until she scold my mum and family.Now everything over and she has somebody else whereas you?you tried very hard to make him hate her. Don't think i donno. You ever tell me you will try your very best to get his best and will not let any gerls get him.You forgot your words isit or pretend to forgot. See!you destroy other people happiness and you get this. Serve you right for not getting him back. This is God's will. You make him hate her and he himself reject you. till thn ayuni. bye
11 November 2008, 15:07 [GMT]

no wonder you look ugly cause you'r evil
25 November 2008, 05:58 [GMT]

and to add to the iqbal diaries.

wanna know why you feeling like this. cause this is retribution. u poor thing. after all you have done you still did not get him.after getting rid of her also you can't get him. bad person person like you won't get anything good. trust me.may god forgive all your sins
9 February 2009, 11:56 [GMT]

and to add again.

You want to exposed me on Valentine Day?Oh please you are a muslim and muslim don't even have V Day for goodness sake. It just a normal day to all muslim. You can tell all your friends that you are innocent while i'm the bad one. I don't mind. Cause only you know yourself well. FYI ayunie, I still have the msn you told me that you would get rid of all the girls who try to get close to your ex. Yes, she scold my mum ‘Fuck your mum la Iqbal’ This is what she said after your meet up with her. Only God knows what you ‘ve told her.
10 February 2009

of all days you want to do this, you want to do on my brother's birthday.since you want to play this childish game, i will play it too. you think i dont know how to scold. i have always been so patient with you and your freaking comments. you pretend to be an angel when all you are is just a fucking imposter. i will blast it now because i am a bad bad girl like you said so. since im a bad girl and the world is dying, i shall collect more sins and then ask for forgiveness on hari raya. no wait. i will BURN with you in hell. im sorry dear GOD because i have no choice but to repent after i do this.

FUCK OFF MY FUCKING NICE BLOG,

YOU FUCKING IMPOSTER.

since when you decided what is retribution?! you are neither a priest or anything nearby it . you do not need to ask GOD to forgive my sins because you have NO right. you are just pathetic. i dont live by your words of promises. you have always start by using you know this, you know that. what do you know. that i fucking steal firdaus. SINCE WHEN. fuck yourself more better.

and i just notice, you say i told ms gorgeous.

You tell ms gorgeous that i'm a pyscho until she scold my mum and family.

eh how she know ur mom and family arh. you two related is it. please la. retirbution retribution. go and think about something else to say.hogging on people's life and deciding what karma they get. since you have the ability, why not you be a counsellor. i admit i cant get him, go on and laugh but i am freaking pissed of that you said i GOT RID of her. excuse me. i did not get rid of her. did i kill her or did she and firdaus had any relationship in the first place. bloody toot. get your facts right arh. you ask mohammad firdaus abdul kadir if you want. bullshit. i give you his number and you can bloody chat with him.

wah, because of your stupid research of my life, you can anyhow say i am bad. screw you. if i am bad, i would have GOT RID of ALL THE GIRLS firdaus know okays but NO, i didnt. he still talks to girls. you jealous right. you go and tell him that YOURSELF. i have nothing to do with your fucking ideologies. i just keep quiet and listen. you ask him arh. just because you stick to the rules of love, you think you are right. fuck off. you dont know what it is like. i may take 10 mths to move on but i dont take a day to learn how fucking hypocrite are you.

you have no idea what you are getting yourself into because i have long know your existence. dont think i smile and i pretend nothing happen. i firdaus may not say anything or protect me in this but i will protect my freaking right. you dont come around judging people. i KNOW who you are and i can swear on GOD on that because all i need you to do is say another stupid comment and CLICK.

i exposed who you are.

you know what, i give you credits to protect your friend but if you were sensible enough, you wont go around saying unbased comments like no body's business. listen here miss iqbal. you have stepped on my toes and i shant sit around and do nothing. because after today, i shall expose who you are.

GO SHOW THE MSN, i bet you keep all the msn because you wanted to use it on me one day. did i remember saying good things too but you dont even want to show it isnt it. but, i want you to do just that because of all things you want to exposed about me, its just about GETTING rid of all girls. bloody shit.oh wait let me list about what i did .

1) i break up and steal firdaus
2) i steal firdaus and want to get rid of the girls.
3)i steal firdaus and want to get rid of the girls and want to kill them all.

eh why you never ask her what she say arh.which part of you are dumb. go scold her since she say FUCK ur mom because i never say to her to say that to you. ARE YOU IN LOVE WITH HER OR WHAT. GOD knows what i told her because GOD freaking knows whats she was thinking. and you dont come around and bullshit your goodness because you are freaking liar.

i want to see HOW MANY people are going to say AYUNIE IS BAD after this because you have proven yourself right. you are just a person of self taught righteous who should think about destroying others with your foul mouth. im not going to admit defeat.i change that VDAY since iqbal is a good muslim.
i will swear on it. this i promise. on 14 FEB 2009, i will show people who you realli are.

one more thing.

FUCK OFF.

2009-02-09T09:17:00.003+08:00

Ayunithebest.......

after writing in to GOD yesterday, i think i feel so much better. at that time, HE apparently send me my angel, dewi to talk to me. wah so choon choon i need her and she called. she was telling me about the letter that she wanted to send to me 8 years ago but never did. that time i was arguing with her and never talk to her for two years. im so good. hahaha. when dewi lost me, she felt the lost. im glad im still talking to her. dont know what we argued about also. i broke down while talking to her. dewi said i had been supressing my feelings. you should hear me, i have never sobbed like that. i think if my dad hear, he would bash him up. hurhur. i knew she was right long time ago but i couldnt let him go. thats what i couldnt do. see, i finally admit my mistake. dewi has always believe in firdaus being the one for me. ever since i told her everything that happen, she still thinks firdaus will be the one. until i told her yesterday that if he was the one, he could have do something about it. it saddens me when everytime i think about the VERY effort i made to make him see something but he doesnt see it.

its saddens me when just because i broke up with him, im feeling guilty about it.

and dewi asked me an important question,

so awak, do you want to move on or not?

i replied with a certain yes. this time, i certainly know that even if i tried so much,it wont make a difference. even if i tried going out with him, calling him first to ask him how it was, doing favours for him or so, it wont make a difference because i will only be a friend. he maybe lost in his own world and i tried being there. it didnt help so it shows a lot. therefore i concluded that my first love will always be a first love only. and then dewi said to me,

awak,maybe there's something good that comes out from this. you wont be having so much bad times already because after this, it will be much better. you have done enough. who knows someone out there who is waiting for you is SO much better or you will have someone like him with lots of chest hair or you will have him back. i dont know but it wont be bad everytime =)

she had to emphasize on the chest hair. HAHAHA. but i feel so much better, really. im not going to lie to myself, he can never be my best friend because ex- couples are never best friends. he will just be a friend then. ah, now i have three besties, dewi. min and feli. HAHAHA. and this firdaus arh. he thinks i dont know he posed that UGLY picture on friendster of me. bloody toot. i think when he does call me, i will personally slaughter him for that. and,

thanks to all who have been following my journey =) when i broke up, i thought it would be a disaster but i managed it. for a soft hearted and fragile girl like me who appear strong, i can never do it without the support of all. and who knows, one day from my blog, a different me will emerged. i know i must change something of me before that special someone comes. thats one thing i know =)

and YA, i want to tell you something.

about siti julaiha.

i was in the car after the wedding with my parents when suddenly my auntie turned to me, and said, " ayunie looks like her. if she was here, she would be her age" i was confused. who the heck is siti julaiha sia. i thought it was someone i dont know since boyan language is so difficult to hear. i asked abah about it.

me: who's siti julaiha. i never seen her before
him: oh, she is your aunt's late daughter.
me: AAAAHHHH. AUNT GOT DAUGHTER.
him: yes, if she was alive, she would be the same age as you. you were born the same year and almost the same time or so.
me: then how she died?
him:she died of high fever. that time when it happened,you were crying so bad.
me: i cried?!
him: because you know she would die. maybe thats why.

i stunned for a while. looked up at the skies and suddenly i thought this siti julaiha maybe looking after me too. i used to gugugaga with her and then i cried when she was about to die. i must have been close to her. aunt must be sad because i reminded her of her lost daughter.

now i think i have psychic powers. GOD bless her soul. and better prepare my studies stuffs. got to meet GARY for my enrolment. BYES!

2009-02-08T17:18:00.004+08:00

Ayunithebest.......

dear GOD,

i am ayunie. i stay in singapore. i am writing to you because i want to tell you whats happening in my heart. i am no longer sad but very dissapointed with the people you have always made me believe in. i hope you have a computer up there to read my blog dear GOD. i bet you listen to my prayer everytime because i always say may good things happen to him and bad things happen to me. now its always BAD.

you taught me the meaning of love. when i first talk to iskandar, i didnt know he liked me. then i grew to liked him but he never shown signs of the same to me. i knew i wanted to be there for him so much because his mother passed away when he was young.i wanted to give him love so i stayed by him for those difficult years. i listened to every relationship, still having that thought we could be together. i had loved him all my life until he disappeared. he did the same mistake every single time. he expected me to understand. we lost contact for a whole year. i waited for him to call for that whole year. but he was just my best friend dear god. he didnt see me how i cared for him.

then i met firdaus. firdaus taught me how i was in love. when i msn-ed him, he was quiet. i talked a lot and he was just there to listen. he kept every conversations we had and put it in a folder. he told me at that time, he knew i was special. for once someone liked me. i was happy despite of hw i look, somehow liked me for who i am. we never met for 7 mths dear god, which maybe is part of your plan and i remember how i made him a notebook for him to read so that he would not be lonely in taiwan. and when he came back, we saw each other for the first time. we were in love. it came one time how he scurried to see me after that conversation we had. he asked me to be his girlfriend. i said yes. and then everything was so pretty.

i had a boyfriend whom i love so much. he was the best. he listened to me alot until i felt he started not being there as much. i couldnt understand why. even though he had to take care of his dad and all, its just doesnt feel the same. not like last time and he didnt see it. its weird. what did i do wrong. did loving him too much made it wrong. maybe being the best girlfriend made it wrong. on that day i decided to break up with him,i felt it was right. i knew what i did it for. it wasnt because i love him any lesser. and then came the drama.

you made my life more interesting everytime dear GOD. every single time.

because you tested my love didnt you. you made me see everything about him that seemed bad but i told myself, its okays. i had that hope. of all the million people who called him a jerk, i never supported that. i had never did the same. and at that point of time when i decided to see him, i just didnt know why. maybe you had me send to him again to help him somehow. didnt you?! its weird how you made me do this with the knowledge, i would break my heart again. he had never love me. if he did, he would have fight for me. i should have known.

on top of all the things he forgot in my relationship, how we are supposed to watch PS i love you and he forgot about that. how i never even complain (or maybe i tease) a bit when he started smsing lesser and when he started doing things i never taught he would, i never even got mad as much to hate him.even as friends, if he had cared, he would remembered for the gazillion times to wish me happy __ mths because it makes me happy he remembers. it makes me happy, dont you understand.

firdaus is the nicest guy on earth. he helps his friends first foremost. he cares about his family a lot and he is a good listener. he is a good person but when it comes to me, he seem so jet lag. its so weird, the one i always tell my stories too has suddenly turned to a moment of silence.

dear god,

if you have cared to explain to me why u made me so patient and understanding,

please explain to me. because the more patient and understanding i am, the more unhappy i become. i have never lost hope in something i do and when i did, everything is dash. please tell me why you have made my destiny this way. i told you so, i told you so.i told you i cant have any guys because of this reason. because you always made me work hard and in the end, you made me work somemore. i never blame you dear god. i know u made me stronger in a way. you let me see what kind of people are they in the world and how i managed to go through things.

most importantly,

you taught me how to love unconditionally. without grudges. because after this dear GOD, please give me the strength to go through life knowing it would be hard for me because his love for me is no longer there. so give me the strength like you always do. protect me from harm and show me the way. i dont want to do things im not happy with. i dont want to know guys just because im lonely. stop sending guys to tagged me and buy me for pets! i dont want. i dont want to be the laughing stock of people like they laugh at me, I told you so.

pls find me someone like abah.

and pls, dont try and make it rain everyday because it hurts me if it rains.

im such a jinx sometimes.

2009-02-08T00:43:00.002+08:00

Ayunithebest.......

i have a way with children. eugenia's son, derrick, calls me GABRIELLA from high school musical.

im flattered baby. i am.

im glad the week is soon to be over because i deserved that three days leave i apply for no reason. i have been sick the whole week and its funny how i managed my work because i did two overtimes in a week. boy, am i a survivor or what but i have to thank abah and ace for picking me up. it was a horrible thursday and i decided to stay back and do my reports. i really couldnt move so i called dad to pick me up and he did, surprisingly =) the following day, i called ace to pick me up since i had overtime to do and i didnt want to be too tired for saturday. it ws scary as i thought he would laugh at my hair but he didnt. he thought i looked nice & my perfume smells better. it mks a difference to me! anyways, ace was nagging and nagging abt me doin overtimes. i ws like how come you can and i cant. the reason being was because he had transport & i dont. of course i clearly dont. i failed my FTT. i gave him a flinch and smiled. i have to earn money. at the rate im going, its not going to be easy.

being a nurse is pathetic. opps, my pay is pathetic. i dont have a lot to pay for sure but i have alot to set aside. i go out a lot. i borrow people money alot and dont get them return. to think i dont even bother to ask them for money back. i am trying to apply for further studies soon. i still have my FTT to take and i am struggling to prove to my colleagues i can be a good supervisor. life is a bit challenging. it keeps me more active. i find myself going home more often. no much of going to esplanade like i used to. i have changed. somesort.anyways,wen i did saw ace yesterday, i felt a bit better about my life. at least someone bothers to nag and to listen to me. he still does tell me about his new beaus he likes but i kind of get used to it. of course la i feel jealous or so but what am i supposed to do. you should see me. i know how to act tough. HAHA. i kind of miss the old him, how things have flown. tomorrow would be our three years of friendship. time has tell me tt i am destined to be best friends with all the GUYS i like. i knew it. it happened to iskandar and then, to firdaus. i dont know who is next. i shant think about love just yet.

work has been really fine. i received my first BIG compliment yesterday. it was at FMC =) i gave diclofenac jab to this patient and she felt super giddy. guess why? because she never eat. i dont know why people dont eat nowadays. i bought her some kaya bread and put in one of the rooms for her to rest and she kept me busy for the whole half an hour. lucky jenelou never scold me. it was time for her to go and she told me,

i feel touched. no one has ever did this before. not in my life. i have to get your name and tell your boss. who is your boss. please tell me.

OMG. i scared arh. who knows she will backstab me. so i cover my nametag, HAHAHA. i told her,

i am a nurse. its my job to see you get well. its no trouble for me. whats troubling me is that you are stubborn to not wear your armsling. you are stubborn arent you.

i have my words as a nurse. thats what i say to every patient. a nurse is a nurse first foremost. i am more comfortable when i am in FMC than i am in REMC because i am more myself. REMC teaches me to be more responsible but FMC makes me feel more at home. the irony. im still going to survive at my workplace. btw, she got my name =) HAHA.

oh yes. i served the PRIME MINISTER's.... PERSONAL SECRETARY today =) happy or what. i was super scared but i managed to do it. went home straight away and have been watching tv from 3pm to 12 am thanks to MIO TV. now my eyes going blind. better go rest. tomorrow got wedding somemore and then my LEAVE! guess what i am going to do?!

cycling. movie. sunset. bla bla bla all by myself =)

HAVE A HAPPY SUNDAY!

2009-02-05T02:56:00.002+08:00

Ayunithebest.......

i am awake again. its 315 hours in the morning and i am awake. i was running a fever the whole day and i was kind of quiet the whole day. been sneezing a lot. stupid flu. managed to do my overtime today too with mr nurse. you should have seen him. he was super clumsy. want to fall here and there and i did helped him today =) i dont know what he is up to sometimes. i nearly wanted to ask, " why didnt you tell me you had a girlfriend" but i relented. better keep my mouth shut. HAHA. but the best thing was when i told my colleague i wasnt feeling well, they actually didnt let me work but i insist that i could.jessica was nice enough to cover me but i told her to go home. besides at that time, i felt better. it just got worse when dad picked me up and my fever started to start again. i hate eating panadols. anything but medicines. mom had to force it on me before i sleep. i just hope i would feel better in the morning.

what happened the past few days?

i ate at HYATT hotel. omg. nice nice nice. i went with felicia, who else. and also.

i argued with ace.its so funny because i was SO mad at him. mad until i shouted at home. HAHA. it all started when he was nice enough to call and when i said HELLO?, he had a call and said he would call back. okays, i was happy he bothered to call . i initially thought it was something important so i waited and waited. NEVER CALL. pissed off of course. he had the WHOLE day free to call while he was at home. i went msn and he was ONLINE! never nudge me somemore. alamak, this boy. NO MANNERS. haha. i was super mad that i complained to felicia. bla bla bla.

then i heed her advice and called him. you know what he was doing?! PLAYING PSP AND WATCHING HBO at 12AM. i swear i can smash his TV that moment but i keep quiet. wah this one i cannot tahan but must act cool. you make me wait for SIX HOURS and still make me wait while you FORGOT to call me. he knew something was wrong but i didnt want to tell so for 10 mins, i said " NOTHING NOTHING" until i irritated him.

HAHAHAHA. orbi quek. until i finally say,

YOU MAKE ME MAD!

him: why? what did i do?
me: what did you DO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU ALWAYS DO THIS!!!!!!
him: WHAT!!!!! *squels*
me: you called and you say you would call back. if you say that, PLS do what u say. you always make people wait. wait wait until 12 am somemore. then can be on MSN and not nudge and can still chat with other people. SO GOOD ARH. i thought what thing important right but you arh.
him: ah? you angry because of that?!

then he blabbered on about he wasnt infront of the computer. ask me to sms his friend to clarify somemore. think i so free. you should hear me. i was like YA RITE YA RITE on top of my voice. and then comes the MAD point,

him:i still dont get what are u angry about.
me: DONT GET! * then i explained part one again and again*
him: okays, im sorry i didnt call but i was going to. i never even reply to my friend msg. you can sms her if you dont believe.
me: i dont want to! she is she. i am i. are you saying im silly to be angry about this.
him: ya =)
me: YA!!!! why am i silly. you are the one who NEVER CALL for a WEEK so when you call i am happy and i like TALKING TO YOU.
him: but you are the one who always want to WAIT for me to call but you never CALL. now being calculative. who was the one who never reply to my sms?
me: WHAT SMS! it was only an sms saying thank you. you expect me to reply WELCOME! is it and then, you NEVER reply to my GD NITE WISH and mine is LONGER!
him: oh now want to play like that.

i want to LAUGH.its like children fighting. seriously. who gets the candy first but.

OMG. CAN SOMEMORE SAY YA! then he laughed at me because i put " PISSED OFF. BLOODY HELL" which was referring to him. he laughed when he was supposed to be apologetic. silly boy, it made me more mad of course. i didnt know what i was angry about but i think it was because he had the time to do something else but not the time to talk to me when he said he was going too. ahhh. that must be it. i calmed down later on and punished him by blabbering non stop. HAHAHAHAHA. so funny because he said, ayunie, can i sleep. and then i was like, NO. hahahahaha. so bad arh. then i tricked him somemore.

ace has a bad memory nowadays and he said he would call me if he wants to go out with me but he wouldnt because he always doesnt think about it so i make it a point to trick him that day.

me: i hope you dont forget to meet me on wednesday.
him: AH? wednesday. i did make a date?
me: YA! HOW COULD U FORGET! u say urself *actually he never*
him: swear?!
me: YA, SWEAR! " cross finger"
him: how come i dont remember?! how you know its my OFF DAY!
me: you always dont remember things. you told me! you better not forget this.
him: wed shouldnt be a problem =)

HAHAHAHAHA. so clever. to get something, you must lie a bit. HAHAHA. but i told him the truth today of course =) and he never scold me. YAYS! so cant wait to go out with ace.wait till he hears where i want to go. hehehe. i miss him! and guess what! im taking leave next week to do absolutely NOTHING. finally. my days off =)

oh wells, better go to sleep now. GET WELL SOON AYUNIE!

2009-02-02T19:08:00.002+08:00

Ayunithebest.......

i am officially a mushroom head. i will complain to everyone i see until im satisfied. i shall not talk to anyone tomorrow in case they laugh at me because i am bound to look more horrifying with my hair tied up. horrible. now no guys will want to go out with me because i have a mushroom head and hair with a fat body. i am not happy but i shall accept whatever imperfections that i have.

HAHAHA.

and yes, i bought my first novel - HE's JUST NOT INTO YOU for 13.20 bucks =)

guess what?!

my whole life, i have been CHEATED by guys. the cruelty. well, actually i cheated myself by psychoing good reasons why he isnt showing signs but in fact, he is just not into me. so horrible. i have been teaching the wrong things to PEOPLE! horrible. im so sorry i wasted people's time too. now that i read the book( 1/10) of it, i wasted my whole life pleasing people and now, i have a hard time moving on. shittos nachos.

all because i thought he is STILL into me.

AARGH. so horrifyingly heartbreaker to take. after all the good things i have done, i am bound to the dooms of singlehood forever and never to get MARRIED anymore while i will watch him marry another one. ITS SO UNFAIR. just because i was so nice. i should have known. wait till i complete the book and watch the movie.

the next thing that i will do,

if he wants me, he chase after me. not the other way round.

MUSHROOM HEAD signing out.

2009-02-02T02:00:00.004+08:00

Ayunithebest.......

One day, when I'm gone, I don't need to be remembered, I don't need to be missed. I just need to be forgiven.

2009-02-01T00:32:00.004+08:00

Ayunithebest.......

i spend my saturdays with these two dorks after two weeks of not meeting them. i have been sick and trying to juggle work and outdoor activities that its getting a bit hectic in my life. i managed to divide some time for min and feli for a long outing doing what we always love to do. WALK. we have always like to walk. ever since year one of poly days till now. everywhere we go, we walk. did i ever tell you how felicia make us walk from entrance of sentosa to siloso beach at wee hours of saturday morning and also how muhaimin made us walk from orchard to esplanade in an hour. at least i make them walk in circles to find lau pa sat =) hahaha. i fnished work earlier than expected and accompanied eugenia for a short lunch before i met my besties at orchard. i was running late as usual and i rushed all the way from bugis to orchard because i was pretty hungry. it was nice to see them. i was missing them =)

we had ayam penyet for lunch at lucky plaza. omg. my stomach is now in pain because i ate alot of sambal belanchan. had a nice gossip and talk over lunch. as usual felicia will be nagging about how people bully her at work. i dont understand how that girl can do things that she dont like and still laugh at it like nobody's business. she is becoming LIKE ME. horrible. muhaimin is botak as usual. still silly with his own police antics. sometimes i feel muhaimin has grown in his own ways. aww. my friends are turning 21 these year. so fast. getting back to the story, we had window shopping period today! i just had my pay and i was craving to buy a new bag since i need it. i was eyeing on that charles and keith bag but in the end, i bought a MANGO bag after visiting three outlets. guess how much it cost.

65 BUCKS. so much can. for a branded bag from MANGO. its white =) and cute.

suits my personality. hahaha. i felt the pain of flying money but i was glad i managed to buy a bad like so finally. went forever 21 to get a new purple top. i really want to change my style.lets see if i can change it in 5 months because after april, i will REBOND my hair and make it more neater because sara is already nagging about my permy hair =( sad. we bought more stuffs from BODYNITS because it was having this crazy sale. a blouse cost 60 bucks was selling at 18 bucks. so happy =) by the time we were beat out, felicia had to go to meet her friends for supper.poor girl. we could have go clubbing together. WAHAHA. no la, i am no more a wild girl. as if i was. we also managed to catch a preview of CHINGAY. omg. freaking nice! i will go for chingay next year i tell you because i could feel the excitement among the crowds. you guys should catch it. i think its worth the money somehow.

it was time to go home and min and me decided to have supper after we left felicia.we were super hungry that we so badly wanted a mcdonald and min suggest to go funan it mall instead. this boy anyhow assume everywhere is 24hours. in the end, we were the last person to place orders and i couldnt eat my MCSPICY w/o lettuce add cheese. when i ordered, all looked at me like one kind. WAHAHA. okay okays, i know i was a bit too much. i ended up eating mega mcspicy while min had prosperity burger wrapped in mcgirdles wrapper. hahaha. so funny. it was a nice supper and talk. we packed up and decided to take taxi home. aaahhh. such a long day, it has been a long time since i last reach home at near to 12mn. best still, abah never scold me =) maybe because i know how to go home straight away after work nowadays. haha. im trying to learn to change my ways. to be better somehow. slowly i will do things but i will still be the same.

anyways,

its bn bothering me that he never fails to stop calling.its been two mths since i last talk to him. he doesnt know y i nvr contact me but everytime he never stops trying. never. he even called home & i asked mom, amirul and grannie to say im sleeping.it hurts me to lie but i hv no reason to talk to him. everyone says i have the right. when he made me wait for 1 year, i nvr did say anything. instead i hope he wld call. everyday i prayed he would call after standing by for him for 6 years or so. thats where i learnt the meaning of hope. things have turned around in such a way that im not in his situation. grannie loves him alot. she could tell his sincerity more than ace. grannie just like to reprimand me when i wouldnt pick up. she doesnt understand why.i dont like it when she compares him and ace also. they are different.

but i started to compare too. the more i sit down and think, the more i see things clearly. which one was there for me when i need the most and which one was not. i know i am in situation that shows these two guy want me or so because i always got friendship over relationship but when it comes to being there, its weird when you start to think what may seem it is the case, isnt. i know who i love but its weird knowing love isnt enough to substain something. it takes patience,trust and understanding. you can dont love a person and learn to love but you can never love and dont learn how to be patient, understanding and trustworthy because its all like building a HDB flat. i believe thats what makes marriages longer because there is something more than that.

i have been observing all the guys whom i talk. some are interested in knowing, some just need a listening ear and some just want to have fun but all these people. i think they are all looking for e same thing which is to find someone they can communicate and love. i know i was being a blondie in most cases but its fun to learn about men. they are an interesting lot. oh wells. im still not looking for anyone. its silly for me to do that. i shall ask my mom to arrange marriage me instead. hahaha!

and for that guy.

i have always thought your late mom send me to look after you. thats why i became your best friend from long time ago but this time, you have to do things your own. just like you have always done without me. i have done my part and im sure your late mom will be happy to know if you are trying your best too. you always be my first guy bestie. thats a promise.

oh wells. life's tough. some things you got to bitch about and somethings people got to bitch you. got to go sleep now. tomorrow is WEDDING DATE AT CHANGI! since when i become more family orientated?! haha! have a nice weekend.

2009-01-29T18:33:00.002+08:00

Ayunithebest.......

its good to know i have been doing well in work. i managed to finish up all my admin stuffs and still be a nurse to my patients. im still trying to delegate things, i still feel like a novice when it comes to nursing. worst still, i forgot to bring my spectacles to work and i was squinting the whole day. lucky, i never take any blood today. i could have poke myself =) hahaha. anyways, life has been so so. the only reason i wake up each day is to work. i know thats what 99% of the population is doing but i want to do something more meaningful. dont know what also.

i saw mr nurse today =) and guess what! he was doing dressing with the guy that wanted my number. bloody hell. that guy want to make fun of me infront of mr nurse. wait till i see him again. i managed to chat with him for a while and we are starting of well. the awkward is starting to decreased and we are confirmed joining the marathon. i tell you. i dont know how but i will do it to show i can.i remember two years ago, ace asked me to join 21km army run and i die die dun want to go but now things have changed. maybe a little challenge in my life will keep me moving. its going to be two weeks to valentine's day and it sucks knowing i have no ONE to date. i would groan like hell when i see advertisements of valentines day. i miss getting pretty flowers & telling him what are the flowers called. i miss receiving my first bouquet. i wonder if he remembers my favourite flower. aiyah, things have changed so fast.

im still single and forever will be single. haha.

in four months time, its going to be a year that i broke off. cant believe it, time flies. i thought i was going to die any moment. look at me now. i am still the same ayunie that everyone knew for as long as they can remember. im still that kukuberd silly nice patient girl that everyone likes to be crazy with. i wonder what will make me change. min says only an adverse event. maybe i'll always be the person i am because of my character but i know im changing slowly. maturity does a far bit.

for now, i shall indulge on groaning at VDAYs and go home and return to a no food home =) haha!

Wonder Girls - Nobody

2009-01-28T00:12:00.001+08:00

dear loves.

i have fallen in love with you from long time ago. i sang with you tt song and i still remember it. now that you came out with a new version of my favourite korean song, i swear if my loves sings like you, i will marry him straight away. maybe i am exagerrating it but i have always wanted a man to sing for me.i will CRY i tell you. cry like hell.

hahaha. thats too much.

why good men dont sing for good people like ayunie. because they are too shy. oh wells, i am craving to sing this for a gig. i shall dig up my brother's guitar, sing and post it on youtube again.

i just love SINGING DORK!

okays.

im joining the adidas sundown marathon =) mr nurse is forming a team and he asked me. aiyah. friend only hor. the four of us will run till we die. shall train soon! have a nice day!

2009-01-27T00:32:00.006+08:00

Ayunithebest.......

at somerset mrt. i missed the stop!

first of all, happy chinese new year to everyone out there.it is my OFF day today and its my date with ace for a free movie treat =) its been a long time since i last went out after i got sick and broke with a two bucks account.its refreshing to know that you still have your batman around to support your money matters, hurhur.i woke up early today and i spend my time watching kuch kuch hota hai which was super sad =( like the famous shah rukh khan says," friendship is love. love is you"i cried watching the scene where kajol and him reunite after a long long time. oh, so romantic.i kind of wish my life would be like that but that would be a fantasy. anyways, ace had his night shift so he called me before he dozed off and started being temperamental again. sometimes i dont get his jokes. the other time he tricked me about my admin staff being his childhood friend and i went to ask her but actually she wasnt. bloody hell. i was super disappointed but i have learnt how to not be petty at small things since i did something more badder the other day. it was just a bit of hope lost.

anyways,

bla bla bla, he knew he was late. HAHAHA.

this ace arh. ask me to wake him up at 13oohours. you know what time he wake up. 1345hours. he can asked me to call him 10 times to wake him up and if he doesnt, i have to call home. i think i called 20 times before i called home and when i did call his home, his sister says he is still sleeping. i was a bit mad but that boy just went home from a night shift so if i get mad because he cant wake up, i think its a bit unfair so i decided to wait at orchard. i was tired because of the early wake so i fell to a deep trance in the mrt. i think my mouth was opened wide arh. hahaha. this is the best part of my life. halfway to meet ace, my shoe broke. i had to walk from orchard to the cinema without a shoe. i tried calling ace but his phone was abit kukuberd. SIAN, such a bad day. everytime like that. i couldnt afford to blow up so i rushed to buy a slipper. stupid BATA shoe. made my life miserable. i hanged out at gloria jean's coffee while waiting for him and after 1 hour plus, the king made his appearance.

i was so clever to do this.

lucky i never blow up. if i do, i think it will end up very bad.

HAHA. we decided to make today an ALL singapore movie marathon. we caught the wedding game and love matters for our marathon. i totally love both, simply because they are singapore made =) the wedding game was kind of sweet. its a bit draggy but i love watching how fann wong dresses her self in so many designer clothes and the wedding gown? its superb! its more about enemies falling in love in a lie that they created themselves. ace gave it a 4/10 but for me, i would rate it more to a 6/10 for the try. on the other hand, LOVE MATTERS was a blast. we just love how jack neo potray his movie and this time, its not about money but sex. nice nice nice. i was laughing like hell okays so i think you should watch it. if you have only 8 bucks to watch either one, go watch the latter. its much more nicer =)

counting money and receipts. too rich already.

it took a day for us to watch our marathon. we thought of watching bride wars but i decided to stop for today. i wanted to go changi airport for a drive. blasted off the radio and sang NOBODY loudly. it was fun until i changed my mind to go east coast park for a walk. hahaha. ace was mad at me because i was indecisive. poor boy. he gets mad at slightest indecisiveness i had. i smiled at told him that i thought about his tiredness and lazyness to walk, thats why i didnt want to go far. aiyee, after that, i saw him smile. we sang so many songs all the way home and bought ice cream to hang out beside my area. it was fun!

PICS!

the view from top at my point.

lovely isnt it! i caught it but i sucked at this.

my favourite past time. the backside.

ms ayunie.

can you see the watch! i bought for him!

retarded.

aww. besties!

and randomly.

segar's little sister, DO =)

HAHA.

apunene.

today was mainly ace's day to let out his feelings.i was more of a listening ear to him. he was worried about his dad. i have been with him for his life but when it comes to his dad, i cant be compared because i know how ace loves his dad alot. and when he asked for advices on medical terms, i feel stupid because i cant answer. my nursing sucks. haix. better improve on it. he share to me stories about his workplace too. i always thought his jobscope is to chop chop chop but now after what he told me, i think its more than to be a chopper. its like treating VIPS at REMC. that bad. frankly today i was dumbfounded. i couldnt talk much to him. i just wanted to listen to whatever he said. part of me tells me to tell him how much i am lost without him but part of me tells me to be patient and be a support in whatever way i can. i was brave enough not to let that emotional part out. i was getting good at this.

now i feel my life is becoming kuch kuch hota hai.

firdaus and ayunie.

you should have been there. i sat down and just was a dumb blondie.i couldnt say much and ace was asking me " why keep quiet" like many many times. i just couldnt say anything. his presence was just enough to make me more comforting. i still think he is the most handsome guy on earth. it must be that love i still have for him. and ace? he is one kind of guy who only can read my mind like a book but will only keep to himself unless he is sure. sometimes i feel he is keeping things from me for my own good. others may see it as a bad gesture bt i still feel he is protecting me like im his little batgurl.i dont know whether people can tell but i just feel he is protecting me from far. and today i asked,

me: have i changed? i mean compare to last time? am i the same.
him: you? you have changed for the better.
me: better? what part better?
him: you grown more mature.
me: MATURE! is it a bad thing or good?
him: of course good. why? you want to stay childish arh? then stay =) haha.
me: no no. im happy =)

and then came the question.

me: what do you think will happen if i didnt meet you on that day itself?
him: what day?
me: THAT DAY! the one after we broke up two months silly.
him: oh that day. it wont happened that way.
me: but if we didnt meet, i wouldnt know what would happened. i needed you.
him: and i still need to talk to you too =)
me: is that the truth or a joke.
him: of course its the truth, i need YOU!

and he was playing his PSP the whole while i was talking to him. at least i know this guy will stay with me no matter wat. oh wells. maybe i have been around him or listen to him too much until i can feel these things arh. i shall not start of my psychic predictions on him. haha =) tomorrow would be working day so time to rest =)

ENJOY UR DAYS!

2009-01-26T01:16:00.008+08:00

Ayunithebest.......

its a sunday today and i worked my morning shift to earn the extra money. lucky my dad send me to work. i was dragging myself and i forgot to bring home my working shoes. luckily the security opened up the pantry of REMC for me. if not, i need to work with slippers. work was tiring. i cant believed it. it was supposed to be a chinese new year's eve and yet ALL must come on an eve to get sick. i dont understand these people. i just recovered from being sick and i was actually a bit groggy but i managed to pull it through. i had to handle with an unrecognised insurance company which by luck, my patient was nice to wait. he even thanked me for being a good help. i mean if i was in REMC, these people will eat me up. there were a lot of dressings and injections to do. omg. there was this one poor uncle who fell and has abrasions on the forehead and skin tear on the arm. i took 40 minutes to do this dressing because it was so horrible. i kept talking to him but i think he was a bit dementia. i will never forget this YAYA patient whom is so scared of pain. she has this abscess and i had to do gauze dressing. she was mean at first and in the end, she wanted me to do her next dressing two days later. HAHAHA. all this yaya people.i love my patients =)

i was pretty happy i worked today. not only i earn extra money but i could brush up my nursing skills. i talked to dr raj today and he was drinking this coffee bean latte so i kepo-ed a bit saying that i love coffee bean hazelnut a lot. it was okays until he yaya and shut me up. so bad can. i hv always thought he liked me. HAHAHA. and dr yeoh was particularly nice to me =) he can also remembers me and my name and somemore can joke with me. i love him alot because not only he is nice, he is super hardworking. we were doing a wedge resection for this patient so i thought the patient was indonesian. suddenly he is malay. WAHAHA. embarrased can. i was laughing like hell and guess what this patient did.
HE ASK ME FOR COFFEE!

i was knocking off from work and he saw me. he went close to me and asked me to go for a coffee with him. OMG. err. i dont go for your types. i ran arh. i keep refusing and he followed me. i should have told him i was attached or something. he asked for my name and took out his phone. this is the funny part. he asked whether we can exchanged numbers. you know what i say. i said, "ITS OKAYS, i need to go now. got to get home. see you on tuesday" WAHAHAHA. he is like old already and im not interested in dating yet so voila, goodbye sayonara but im kind of scared because he is coming back for dressing on tuesday.

OH I KNOW!

i get mr nurse to do it =) hahahaha.he will be working on tuesday so i will target him to do it if he comes in the afternoon. i love FMC. makes my life more interesting. anyways,i achieved e target to do 7 days of overtime and i managed a full 8 days(50 hours). doesnt seemed alot but i hope it will make a difference to the pathetic pay i am having. i shall open a UOB account and i will be SUPER RICH! hahaha. i went home today and everyone was asking why i was home early. omg. what is this. everytime i go home early, they ask. if i go home late also they ask. so funny but i think grandma is much happier when i start telling them when i am going. i started telling my mom who i hang out with.

like the other time ace picked me up, i told her. i basically tell her everything. my mom has bn a great help to me. she listens to my yakkings everytime and hopes i get married to a rich guy. i cant believe mom at times when she starts acting cute and giggle to herself. its like having to watch another me. i have been promising her to do a website to boost up her mini business so i did. the first step was having a facebook and friendster. cool or what.

WHICH MOM HAS FACEBOOK AND FRIENDSTER!

my mom does =) made by me. wait till abah see this. he will start saying "MAK DATUK" again. i couldnt stop laughing at the things i do for her. this is like SUPER FUNNY! i can somemore add my friends in friendster to her account. make it lively since her yew tee friends dont have any account so cannot add. giggles. oh wells. hope this helps her business. got to watch movies now. im going to hang out with ace tomorrow.i cant believe i sleep talk while talking to him.i think i said something like this,

"i knw you have a girlfriend. her name is FATIMAH. she is a nice girl. i talked to her."

OMG. freaking ayunie. who is fatimah man. and then i say,

" when i have a car, i would decorate it with pictures. i would put ur picture, min's picture, dewi's picture and felicia's picture in my car because you all will be too busy to hang out with me. i will put it on the seats to commerate our friendship"

and he asked why we have no time for me. you know what i answer?

" because you have a girlfriend. min has a girlfriend. feli has a boyfriend and dewi does too. no one loves me, NO ONE!"

i have no idea what i was day dreaming about. it sounded real. i am so stupid. oh wells,hopefully i will get to watch a good movie.

GONG XI FA CAI! ang pao na lai!

2009-01-25T00:21:00.002+08:00

Ayunithebest.......

the rules of love.

the rules of love is simple.you make that someone fall for you and chain them for life so that they will do your bidding. tts what everyone who fall in love and out of love tell me. even mom tell me the same thing. love is not being nice in a relationship but being in control. feed the man his ego and he will be the biggest egoistic male chauvinist pig, opps, boyfriend that you will ever had. however, he will take advantage of you. mom always tell me not to be too nice to guys, they will nvr get your nice intentions & then they will stabbed you in the back & expect u to understand. half heartedly, i listened to her advices because i hv always believed in my own defination. mom hates it when i always make the move.why shouldnt i? im a GIRL. but mom, i like that person a lot and i dont care about being first or last.i always believe in fighting for what i want unless i see that there is no worth fighting for. believe me, i have always visioned myself to marry ace from three years ago until the day he said he was half half about things.i cant believe i laughed at that point of time. i know i wanted to stab him but i just couldnt. i still remembered,

how i waited for him to return from taiwan,
how i took 20 minutes at the mrt station to just tell him how i liked him alot,
how i folded clorets papers and made my friends do it so that i can give him for my anniversary
how i didnt see him for a month except for twice when his father was sick
how i wrote all his relatives names on his sister's wedding card
how i have the right to be petty but he made it all wrong.
how he told me last minutes about things. didnt bother to tell me where he was until i called him and everytime the reason was, " i was about to call you"

memories flashes now and then. my first love. how i changed.i broke up with him. not because i dont love him but because i wanted him to change.WHAT E HELL I WAS THINKING.

change?! because after that, i was still hanging on to him. i shouldnt have done that because come to think about it, after 9 months of break up, ace is more lost than ever. HAHA. i am more lost too but i kind of know more about myself. its a reflection. for that two months of fresh break up, i still check his mails, friendster & hv to succumb to seeing things that i jolly well hope it was a dream but i still see also. i have to go through life without someone there whom i have always depend on. i go to esplanade every day and almost laughed about things every night. i still love him so much and when i did see him, i still confess my love.

OMG.

WHAT E HELL I WAS THINKING part two. ace was right at that moment. i didnt understand the meaning of moving on and still, i insisted on my own principles. i got to trouble here & there by holding on to my beliefs. mom was right. if he loved me, no matter what, he will come back. he never told me he loved me anymore but the day that we hugged when we said we would be friends, i could feel something different. as though he would missed me.

days goes by and i begin to side aside my love for him.he became a friend. i learnt how to be normal without obligations. its hard for me at the start but i got used to it. i mean whenever he talks about girls and all, i would know how to laugh and then walked away, knowing i did well. but sometimes when i bid goodbye and still talk silly, i see in his eyes, as if we were still the same. words may lie but the eyes dont. i mean my hope of marrying my first love just like mom and dad was, is no longer there. i have given my all. my love and understanding. trust and patience. knowing how to seperate love and friends. i have given my all. i know i have tried, my mom knows, grannie knows and my bestie realised it too.

im not going to change how i love a person because i know i will always be a giver rather than what all normal women would do. i love to be honest in love. i have always love to make known to others who my special person was because i know he is worth to be announced. i will still protect my love and make him special gifts and flowers. bring him to places he never go before and make his birthday the best yet. i know i cant change myself except being a bit toned down.

but.

i have always hope the next special person i would meet would make me feel special and happy just like i do. i never asked much in my life. i just want to know how it feels like to know you are loved without guessing whether you are his priority. i mean like one day if my future husband gets on his knees and propose to me, i know i will cry. definately. because i waited for the day someone would love me all his heart to take care of me when we grow old together.

thats what i learn about the rules of love.

its not about being the FIRST. SECOND or LAST. not about who is in POWER or CONTROL. its all about you. the rules of love is about you being able to love the other unconditionally. to give that joy and laughter and knowing at the end of a bad day, you are still loved.

okays. got to sleep. just a thought about being in LOVE. aiyee WORK TIME!

2009-01-24T14:27:00.002+08:00

Ayunithebest.......

i think i have made alot of people mad or something.

i am not feeling well today and i couldnt go bestie's day with dewi. i think she is kind of upset. i bet she is because she is alone now. i feel bad. so bad that i wish i can drag myself and be with her but i am really not well. its like the third person not happy with me but i dont want to say anything much. i know she has been having a rough time with her life and all but i am too.maybe its my fault for immensing so much time in work. and maybe its my fault for not managing my money well because right now i am truly broke. im left with a pathetic 2 bucks in my account. how sad is that. i say yes to everything and now i am a loser at the end. gosh. ever since i have been trying to be patient with everything, i get more lost.

oh wells. i am still going to be patient.

i want to rest now. migraine.after working and being unwell, i think i deserved a good rest.

today marks my first month of working and not taking MC.

its an improvement. watch me not take MC for the next four months. i will work for that 150 voucher and many many money so that i can save up for the future. have a great saturday.

i want to buy that fried rice now.

2009-01-23T17:03:00.004+08:00

Ayunithebest.......

if life was perfect, i wouldnt learn.

the past few days hv been mental challenging. i have been having lack of sleep and even though i start work a little later, i still wake up and arrived at work 15 minutes later. its been pretty calm at my clinic. some days are busy and others are like calm as in the desert. i took the time to finish up updating my stock and also, do the necessary things to improve the clinic. i learnt how to type reports and i hope i did it correctly because my eyes were watery when i did that. i did all 9 reports in two days =) susan has been a great help. she is like my second hand man. she does everything and i answer for everything which is a bit bad because i usually staggered wen i answer to sara,hahaha.

ever since e comeback of eugenia, life is a bit lively. we make fun of rosalind. last time we used to call her pretty woman and start singing pretty woman of course.whats funny was the other time we saw she wear those thighs and rocker shirt and we started singing i feel good and grease lightning. this eugenia la. start singing and then make me join. i become backup singer. WAHAHA. now its like a routine. everytime we see her, we would start the chorus and she would be like, "you two arh, very funny" now we are thinking to join dont forget the lyrics.

HAHAHAHAHA. i feel good, wouldnt i wouldnt i.

its been the seventh day i did overtime.its so much better now.i spread out all my overtimes and im left with three for this month. next month i will be only 100 richer =( sometimes they call me to do in betweens but i declined knowin i would be very beat out for the day. working non stop is tiring especially for a person like me. its been some time since i enjoy a good movie and when i want to, i would feel tired. like today, feli asked me go out and i declined. i was so tired and my eyes were already watery. im just lack of sleep so i had to declined even though i know it would disappoint her. oh wells. and fmc has been a joy. i tell you. i cant wait to work with mr nurse this coming tuesday.weeee =) its already obvious he dont want to talk to me MUCH and i want to see how much longer he dont want to talk to me. everyone has been match making us knowing he is attached especially angela. OMG. even eugenia could tell he is a good guy. aiyah, usually we wont get dream guys. tt girl must be really really lucky to have someone who cn cook brownies for her during their anniversary.

I ALSO WANT.

hahaha. in my dreams.he came today to take something and i ignore his conversations. he was talking to eugenia while i filled up the transfer vaccines form. in the end, i wait for him to return my pen and he nearly took it. HAHAHA. i knew it so i extend my hand and just waited for him to give it to me. with a slight OH and a smile, he gave it to me and finally he said, " you put up that wallpaper, didnt you" apparently it was anime. i nodded. he is just so nice. i shant think about it and talking about guys.

ace has been nice. he still say " driving driving" when i call him to tell him abt something important but he has never acted less helpful in any ways. two days ago, i told him to fetch me if he was free, knowing abah would pretend he was tired. i didnt expect ace to really fetch me. it was a surprise. bought me dinner too knowing mom wouldnt cook and even asked me to tell him if i needed someone to fetch,provided there's nothing in his scedule. aww. as usual, i would fiddle around with his PSP and scream when ironman beats me with his power. i hate playing PSP in the car. it deprives me of my talking time. haha. he showed me the scratch the evil monster made on his car. omg. so bad can. poor pumpkin. curse the person who did it. i looked at him while holding my hot prata and smiled. i didnt know what to say actually. he must be upset. not the fact the car was scratch but the fact people did this to him. as hard as stone ace may be, he is actually fragile. hmm.

we sat down and talked about work and stuffs. things are pretty different now. he is much comfortable about talking about his life even though its not all compared to 6 months ago when all his dialogue for me would be, i dont want you to have hope. HAHA. i stopped asking that already, mind you. sometimes we talk about how confused are we in our lives.some days i will question him and some days he does it on me. we get lost together about the things we want to do.

we just get lost.

its hard to advise him at times because he is the type who loves to do things by his own ideals. something like felicia but a bit different. HAHA. but yesterday when i sat beside him, i felt pretty happy that he is there.i dont know la if he has a future beau and he will be there also but, in my eyes, he will always be that handsome apunene i fall for three years back. the one who always buy me expensive stuffs and make me wait when i am early. the one whom i cry so much for and still, not judge him by the things he do. i still talk to him for anything and i have learnt how to appreaciate someone more than that person should be.

like i say,

if life was perfect, i wouldnt learn.

and if i keep blogging, im going to get fever soon.

HAHA.

2009-01-22T17:58:00.002+08:00

Ayunithebest.......

i have ten minutes to blog before i start my night shift at FMC. truly, this past few days have been much draining for me. i have a lot of decisions to make and i learnt quite a bit about working life. its taken to a time that i feel lost about my future. i am not sure about being a nurse for a long run because it has never been my passion ever since i was born. i just love talking to people and i know my characteristics have been a plus point. being in raffles taught me about maturing as an adult and being a colleague and friends to all my staffs. no doubt tt 99% of them are much older than me. some have a lot of nursing experience compared to mine and some are more wiser in dealing with things. i am young, i have neither ward experience nor management skills. i lose out in most things but i am never a quitter when it comes to being a believer.

today i learnt how to type reports. on my own, with the 1 hour of teaching that kak siti taught me two weeks ago. thats not in my job scope.neither is closing the clinic, handling money, dealing with stock takes or even updating the system on the stocks. i graduated to be a nurse. i have a lot to do and with my admin on hospitalisation leave, i cant helped it but to learn hw to do reports. i hv stopped complaining about the additional work. i started thinking about my clinic.

because i am inspired to make this clinic work. we will get that. i know we are young but all young clinic start rocky but excel in the later part =)

will blog more! if im not tired, got to work!

2009-01-20T00:17:00.000+08:00

Ayunithebest.......

for the past few days, i have been missing the comforts of home.i try my best to make it up by bringing my family out to eat even though their stomachs are full.its hard for me to divide time knowing that i have work,family and friends. in a week,i used 5.5 days for working and the weekends would be divided for dewi,feli,min and ace. sometimes i feel like a parent but so far, its been good. now that i am starting to do overtime,i come home draggy and i wished someone would picked me up everyday. today was not supposed to be my overtime. i somemore indicated in my new little pocket diary on the days i would do so that i wont get tired. NO. it didnt happen that way because there was NO nurses for the afternoon shift at FMC.

initially i said NO until yvonne called me and she sounded desperate.i couldnt refused because FMC has always been a family to me. besides the more OT i do, the more money i can get. thats what ace has always taught me. i learnt well =) i was having some allergies too but i still worked. it was DAMN itchy la. scratch like a monkey. it was a hectic day, just like being in a ward. both doctors i saw for my allergies dont want to give me MC. why oh why. i am still scratching here and there after eating my cetrizine. darn. hope i get well soon. somemore must work extra OT tomorrow and thursday. not forgetting sunday.

i am still positive.

the best thing about today was i got to work with mr nurse. he is OBVIOUSLY awkward around me. aiyoh. just because i went out with you, admire you, gave you a gift doesnt equates to you being awkward. he wanted to borrow something from my clinic. i went in my disspensary and my nurses as usual were teasing us. of course, i act cool again. this guy die die dont want to talk to me. i dont know why and even susan noticed. OMG. hahaha, i want to laugh. when i worked with him downstairs, he is so obvious acting like a cartoon in front of me. how to not judge! i mean like if you dont like, dont like. i never force you to like me also.i know you have a girlfriend and i respect that. i dont mind being single and also, me admiring you doesnt mean i love you to the core. i just respect you as a human being because you are very humanitarian =)

now that WHOLE fmc knows i used to like him.

the best thing yvonne and kamsiah said to me was,

forget about him ayunie. you DESERVE someone much better.

that was what they said when i lost ace. that was what they also said when mr nurse has a girlfriend and that was what they said when the guys i like are playing me out, somehow. i dont know. it seemed like the same dialogue everytime. and so something strike to my mind. if i happened to be good and kind to everyone and i deserve someone better,i would have to wait aeons for it. i kind of have thought about it.i want a boyfriend or husband that is imperfect but perfect in my eyes. he maybe ugly to others but he will always be handsome to me.

aaarrrhhh.. that must be the true meaning of love. which i learnt long time ago.

i wait. wait until i turn old and i find that someone. GOD knows who. since everyone has been believing i deserve someone better, i might as well see who is that person. im also interested to know who =) hahaha. im also not interested in dating already,for now.its just not the priority now. whoever i meet,let time tell. i would concentrate more in listening to my friends and work than doing all this silly things that seems so desperate.

its fun being someone trying so hard to listen. just like yesterday.

i got worried. my heart didnt felt right. first person i call is ace. i dont usually get worried but if i do, it means something bad happened. ace seemed okays but until, he told me about his life.i find joy listening to him =) i sucked at advices. how can you advice someone who has always been advicing people all his life. i find it hard to come up with words because the more i say, the more defensive he became. i was just trying to help. i found it very hard to make ace listen to me at times but i learnt to be more persistent. he calls me petty and more but i make sure i repeat my sentence again this time. i didnt want him to see me as someone who didnt care about him because i know he is having a rough time now.

i dont really show my attachment to him much anymore.i begin to be more honest about things. i gave him space to think about his actions and how he wants to live his life. i dont tell him how to run but give him suggestions about how people may run their life. everytime i meet him, i would ask how he fared about life and if he does know how to answer, i know he is starting to think. i still trying to be more stronger in life so that if he falls, i can catch him. somehow i feel how can i still talk to him even though he does talk to other girls. i dont know how i will react if he does find someone special.

most probably i will react the same way. the same way i always do for three years. maybe thats unconditionally love. i no longer expect my love to be returned but only for him to know i am always here. thats enough =) oh wells, i know you are tired of listening to this again (im also tired of typing that) so see the pictures instead!

PICS!

the three babes and hunks.

squeezing in =)

HAHAHA, ruggard.

and also,

for more. check out facebook/friendster =)

have a nice day! time for me to sleep!

2009-01-19T01:01:00.002+08:00

Ayunithebest.......

it was a fun sunday until something happened nearby to midnight. yesterday i dreamt about being in a haunted house. today at 1158pm, the radio switched on by itself. the funny thing is i thought dad was outside so i didnt bother to check until i thought to myself,

i thought abah is sleeping.

that radio was playing MALAYSIA national anthem somemore,followed by some religious chanting. i went outside and saw, THERE WAS NO ONE. ran to abah's room and asked where mom was. mom was beside him.OMG. who switched on the radio then?! bloody hell. somemore the volume damn loud. i was super scared that i ran and OFF the radio. i didnt care whether it will burst or not. i just off it.

sickeningly sick. i told grannie about it and she thought i ON the radio. why would i switch on the radio to listen religous chant at 12AM. so funny. i think my dream is starting to come true. the next thing you know that will happen would be,

i will be on MISTERI JAM 12 telling about this story.

=) blog sentosa soon. i promise!

2009-01-18T09:36:00.002+08:00

Ayunithebest.......

SENTOSA was fun =) we saw muscle men, camped out at palawan beach,played frisbee, had sarpino's pizza & coffee bean and went home a happy and tired girl =)i have a feeling i will be going there again with dewi today. shall blog about it when muhaimin send me the 200 pictures we took. WAHAHA. recently my dream has been coming true. the other time i dreamt about feli getting mad over no reason at us two days ago and it came true. a few weeks ago, i dreamt about mr nurse talking to me and we went out for a date after two weeks. so funny.

i dont really get dreams but if i do, it comes true. somesort. i think GOD gave me a gift to feel. its unpredictable really, shall not say much! its funny how guys would like to talk to me and then i push them away really hard.i feel like an evil monster sometimes and im not those types who talk to guys just for the sake of filling the hole. when i broke up with ace also, the only guy i talk to is muhaimin.others are like silly boys who have only ONE thing in their mind.

can we be special? i like you. you are nice and one of a kind.

BLA BLA BLA. like your head arh like. where got people like after one day of talking. siao. i only know you for how long want to control me somemore. excuse moi. you are not my husband okay. if i marry you, then its another thing. HAHA. i cant believe it, how can i even talk like nobody's business. those were the times. those were the times. now i am diferent especially to guys that ya ya papaya to me. remember that guy who had a girlfriend that said he hasnt any and trying to look.that same guy that had one and broke up and actually it was his fiance.

bloody hell. i still remember how he trick me okays. think i forget, no way. lucky i no feelings for him. i still talk to him of course because i usually talk to people who need a listening ear. he asked me out two days ago and obviously he made it sound in such a way that he wont force me to go lunch but he loves to have me there. so funny and so i replied.

sorry. i have something on. next time.

WAHAHAHAHAHA. smart okays. and the other time he want to bring me to marina barrage since no one wanted to bring me there. you know what i say,

you go with your friends la. i will only go with MY friends and SPECIAL one.

its like super funny. i have never been bad in my life except for this kind of people. imagine me saying that to many guys. OMG. so bad. but seriously, i dont want to waste people's emotions and neither i want to waste mine. its not because i have ace to talk too that now, i abandon people. i dont even talk to ace much unless i feel like it. i used to call him everyday when we were together but now i learnt to call when i need it. which i normally dont. HAHA.

true, i have been lonely and clueless ever since i break up but never in my life, i thought about filling my heart with something that wasnt even my type. i feel lonely now even but i know im not goin to be happy doing that. why add unhappiness. i also dont understand. i stand to lose a lot in life, i know but i think in terms of living it with patience, i think i deserve a pat. when i get married one day after being living life, i tell my children that being good does pay but doing it with patience and sincerity.

come to think of it, im glad i broke up. its actually my fault i broke up. its true he doesnt give me the attention and time i needed to feel that i was worth being with him but if i took the time to learn to be more independant and trust worthy, things may have been different. i would have been different but breaking up taught me to do things on my own. to have my own ideals and to love unconditionally. i learnt how patient and forgiving i am. i have learnt how i can stand up to strangers and i have learnt to stop going esplanade when i am sad. i do have a lot of fallbacks but im glad i have my close ones beside me =)

okays. shall upload about sentosa soon!

2009-01-17T00:52:00.002+08:00

Ayunithebest.......

its 1am and i just got home. i am becoming wilder everday but this time, i spend it with my family out for supper =) i had a tiring double shift to do and that i got pretty sleepy when it comes to 9pm. its very hectic but i like it when people just ask me the same question everytime," you overtime today, ayunie?" patients were pretty nice and there has always been an obvious behaviour difference between REMC and FMC patients. i just love to mingle and talk to my FMC patients because they are way much nicer. i tell you. 9/10 patients think i have a passion for nursing. i would correct them everytime. my close friends would know i never loved nursing. i dont even have the passion for nursing. i joined it because of the bond i wanted to take but in the end, i never did.

true, i dont have the passion but the only reason that keeps me going is the joy of talking to them. its nice =) the feeling of being able to heal. anyways, ace called me today. its nice to hear his voice after the mistake i made. the first thing i said to him was another sorry. it seems he has been having a rough time. poor apunene. whatever it is, i would always have him in my prayers. those who DARE to bully him especially GOD knows who, will suffer the wraft and power of retribution. wait and see. how dare the person scratch pumpkin. wanna get box is it. nevermind, it always pay to be patient and nice.

i have always been and will wait for the day people really look up to my batman.

=) okays. sleeping time! SENTOSA here i come.

2009-01-15T22:32:00.004+08:00

Ayunithebest.......

today is two days away from the weekends and i have been counting down. its been the 14th day that i never took MC deliberately and im proud of it.i shall keep this up till the end of december so i can win that 150 NTUC voucher that sara has announced to everyone. wah. imagine that. i can buy loads of BENS and JERRYS tubs from NTUC =) cool or what. work was okays. i got to take half day after 9 months of working in my clinic. initially sara wanted to change my leave till tomorrow because eugenia will be coming back then. of course i had to say no as tomorrow would be my overtime day. i actually felt bad leaving susan alone including the fact i actually injured her wrist unintentionally. oh my.

it wasnt on purpose. i swing the door so hard that it hit her knuckles. errr. im so sorry my ang moh aussie =( anyways, everyone dont believe i can take leave today. OH MY. haha, i had a hard time leaving because they dont believe me and it was already two hours passed my leave time when i leave. pfft. i got to talk to huishueng about my love life. it was nice talking to her. once in a while, i would talk to her about my personal things because she knows how to make me smile & even make me feel better. i used to tease her alot with her TERRIBLE trademark. the only reason i come to work sometimes is to bully her actually. besides that point, huishueng often tell me that i had a bright future ahead and that i shouldnt be thinking of all this.

but ometimes i feel, i work better if i know someone is there to support me.i dont know. dont you all think so?! i know i have said how jerky guys are or how indecisive they r but i feel to be loved by someone is like so good. ya ya ya. i know how you may say what about the singles out there. i mean dont tell me they never think about how it is liked to be loved. AHAH.got you there. i know i have been in only ONE relationship compared to the dozens people have but i learnt a lot. at that time, even though ace wasnt paying much attention to me, everytime i come home, i know i have someone to look forward to talk to and gossip. i had that person beside me through ups and downs. now that i am single, i come home, i dont know who to talk too.

im lost you know?! like a sheep. i want to talk to my besties also, i dont know what to talk because im so used to talk to ace. now that i dont talk to him that much, when i tease my grannie, she would shut me up. see what i mean? those people in love and married must be fortunate. i know marriage causes a lot of problems but isnt it nice to come home to a husband.

when i get married, i will be the best nicest wife one would ever had. i will organise outings to esplanade and sweet talk my husband. i will listen to his woes and try to cook his favourite meal even though i would burn it. we will have different shifts but every morning before i go work, i will kiss his forehead after leaving breakfast on the table and tell him, honey, i love you every single day. oh my. wouldnt it be so nice! and then i come home and cook before he comes, and surprise him with different flowers on the table. our house will be full of life =) and not to forget! we will have midnight movies together!

when we have children, then we sneak out to watch our own routines but then return home to be the super parents. aiyee. how could i forget about our own parents. we will include them too! i wish i had someone to love my life and someone to love me to start with. and then, my future will be very bright.

i never asked much. when i was single three years ago. all i could do was to see army guys on trucks. i never ask for a handsome man or someone who sweet talks me. i only asked for some guy who understands me and push me whenever i am down. you know. someone who shows his interests even though we will grow old. i once have a lovely relationship, lovely boyfriend indeed but things changed. i never regret having it thou' it didnt ended up like in the movies. but my taste for guys have never changed.

i still longed for someone who understands me and listens to me. treats me like a girl and more.i have always been the ya ya papaya girlfriend. everything also can. i know i have to be patient. very patient. if i am patient enough then he would come. i shouldnt rush into things. thats what huishueng told me. let him come to me, and things will be fine.

i looked at her and thanked her for her advice. i feel so much better. i know i am not alone. i dont know how many people out there are feeling the same way i am but dont worry people. if fate brings you together, it will. now talking about my own life, i still have yet to decide. i have FTT retest next month and i have yet to enrol to take my degree. i just hope that i will be selected to go for the phlembotomist course at singapore poly. all my staff nurse are on the waiting list. can you imagine that.

life is a competition. anyways,

i went out with giselle today. she is apparently my new friend =) like so tall and pretty can. i met her recently and we started hanging out. it was my half day anyways so we had high tea at carousel. its been 3 months ever since i last hang out there. high tea is cheap! we pay 25 each for the tab. giselle insisted to pay but i relented. she is like nice, still so skinny but eat like a pig. so sorry giselle, hurhur. i had so much to eat that i couldnt walk by the end of the day. GRRH. i could somemore eat the ice kachang with more emphasis on the ice. WAHAHA. so funny. then i put fondue on top of it. yum yum. you all should try it. doesnt hurt eating at a restaurant once in a while =)

it was then time for us to go shopping. we went like all around orchard and i was super attracted to the MANGO bag but i didnt have the money to buy it =( next month then. giselle wanted to go kate spade so i accompany her. wah. things there are super expensive but the bag is super nice! i shall save money to buy just ONE branded bag in my life. i am aiming that burberry bag which cost like 2000 bucks. ya. wait long long. maybe i get her to buy me one when she travel overseas arh. we had coffee at gloria's jean which was super cheap and walked aroung orchard cineleisure for a short shopping trip. bought like a hairband from pull & bear. nice nice nice.

giselle is so fun =) i cant wait to go out with her soon again. its like having your personal fashion stylist beside you. nah, i will still be the same baggy girl. hahaha. okays. time for me to sleep. got to do overtime tomorrow and my back already aching. lucky i have done the drug order for this month and i hope tomorrow wont be busy.

cant wait for saturday! its bestie's day with feli and min at sentosa =) have a nice day!

2009-01-14T21:07:00.004+08:00

Ayunithebest.......

im okays. ace apologised to me when actually it was my fault to start of with. he called me in the morning to wake me up and i guess to say sorry but i thought it must be a reason why i couldnt hear the phone ring. i was pretty surprised at his message that he still say im the most trustable girl he would have. i thought for a while when i read the message. i couldnt even bring myself to forgive what i have done. i dont know but i guess i will be quiet for a while. quite embarrased to talk to him also. i am not angry with him but i am quite upset with myself.

oh wells.

i have been avoiding mr nurse too. i tell you, that guy maybe the most wonderful guy i ever met but he is one guy that is undecisive. its like meeting another me or something. i got to know from yvone tt he brought his so called girlfriend and intro to her. WHAT. i thought you were supposed to b single. somemore can tell everyone you are single. if you like her, why go out with me. i took the time to ask you out and somemore thought of a creative way to ask okays. i knew it! that you liked her but too afraid to tell her.its so irritating. DEJAVU!

every guy i meet are about the same. i think guys are MORE difficult than girls. egoistic pigs. they like someone and they pretend they are not in love with them when actually they are. they play hard to get and POOF, make the girl wait. please la. you like her, you GO ask her to be together with you. marry also better. you want to wait for her to marry someone else right. orbi quek if you regret. you know why?! because she maybe the only one who can understand you better than anyone else. she may not be pretty or the best, but she knows you inside out. i tell you. those people who tell you " you can get someone better" can die. you know why?! because you can never get someone better unless you have already had that someone better. eat my shorts.

im just angry at men/guys who dont know what they want. its stupid, serious. of course i understand through mistakes, we learn lessons but if we make an effort to make life less of a complication and follow what we believe in, i think it would be much easier. i am tired of dating. its tiring, trying to like someone or getting to know someone when you know that you are not interested in doing things. my colleagues were right. GOD doesnt want me to be in love yet. he must be keeping some things for me at the end. the only guys i have in my life would be ace and muhaimin. this two i can depend on.

anyways.

today i had fun at work. we decided to give ourselves chinese names so that we will be better employed. or so they say. i have become ah-yu-nie. HAHA. so funny! Raffles will be changing their uniforms by april. i tried mine and it looks better. finally, i will get a uniform that fits me just nice instead of baggy. hurhur. oh wells. got to rest now. i have been shivering ever since afternoon and the migraine is hitting back. i shall rest now.

have a great day ahead!

2009-01-14T12:17:00.004+08:00

Ayunithebest.......

its pretty hard after what happened yesterday. not only i failed my FTT, ace was mad because i did something that im not supposed to do. it was out of concern but i know what i did wrong. i could have kept it but i told him so. wasnt trying to hide. i hate it when he is mad and i could feel it. oh my. how could i be so silly. i was super blunt and thoughtless. stupid me. i realised my mistake. he forgave me in the end but i couldnt help it but wake up in a daze today. as if it was all a bad dream.

im actually still disheartened. very. as if i lost someone who died. still feel like tearing not because of telling but because, i lost his trust. somesort. i feel super super bad. i dont expect him to trust me anymore. i dont mind him boycotting me or so even though i do mind. but,t i keep blamin myself on how not a bestie i am. it seems like dejavu like as thou' it happened before. it was with dewi last time and now, its him.whats done is done. im tired of going through emotional rides. its getting hectic.

i hope tomorrow will be better. just like it has always been.

i hope.

2009-01-13T21:34:00.002+08:00

Ayunithebest.......

nhakhrukarkwhbeunhekrrrhtkwehkwhkgqhwufetwukgehb
fauhviwenhkewukrhuuehntiejgueiohbjiotejnioetohooimjwhn
hwibsnetuhiwjbtoqjwion2opjoiubirtjoinjhy4njhijhi45oinh6od

this is probably how i feel after taking my FTT test. seriously. i should have passed. i SHOULD have. i called ace and dewi and got mad because i failed and i studied so hard for it okays. i studied even though i had a big migraine and was feeling super sleepy. i studied during work hours and even tell everyone about it. now i have failed, i feel pretty upset.

aiyee. nevermind. in one month's time, i take a retest. meanwhile i shall rest =) im super tired.

find me =) so pretty right. WAHAHAHA.

2009-01-12T19:13:00.003+08:00

Ayunithebest.......

i read the articles on israel attacking GAZA city. the world doesnt look good. recessions, wars, terrors, it makes staying in the world unsafe. i nearly teared reading the article and i felt more blessed to be where i am. it kept me thinking about my situation and it doesnt make me more noble than anybody else. when we dont have the things we have, we tend to crave for it and when we do, we overlooked the fact that they were there. thats how human nature works. we have always been selfish in nature. i live with a family that loves me the way i am. i have friends that i constantly give attention to even though i am tired for the day, i still think about them. i am nurtured with tremendous amount of patience but worries because i will never be able to please everyone and yet i have been complaining that life's unfair.

today, i read the article and told myself that i am lucky. i immediately googled about doomsday and read the signs of hari kiamat. i nearly want to tear yet again. when i was little, i used to love the history of islam. i love reading about prophets and i was the top student in my religious class. i could read JAWI well and even recite it. yet i lost touch with my own religion. i have seemed to forgotten that GOD has always been here with me. if HE wasnt, he wouldnt give me the strength to carry on life after a lot that had happened. if HE wasnt here, he wouldnt hear the prayers i did just before i sleep every single day. HE was always there and HE still wants to see how strong i can go. i finally realise the fact i have matured in the way i think and how i started to forgive myself.

learning comes from making mistakes. regrets are just part of an obstacle. i have done things out of recklessness and i want to repair it one by one. i have abandoned the very guy that talked to me when i was upset even though he asked me for money everytime. he doesnt know why i never called and yet he didnt give up for a whole one week just to know how i was. until now, i dared not pick up because of my fear. i think there are many things that i have done that seemed to be the better of me but its only because i was afraid of things.

i have to changed. i must be more mature and honest to myself.

if i am more honest, people can see my effort more than i can give now. from then i know that i will have aims in life and when i have a boyfriend/husband, i know he knows i can take care of him and the family. i have yet to achieve that. i am still proctected. i want to learn to make decisions because of myself. start becoming what 23 year old should be but still keep that essence that makes me special.

its not easy but its a step of life that requires a leap =) its going to be fine. i believe.

may all peace come soon. amin.

2009-01-11T23:11:00.003+08:00

Ayunithebest.......

i look at my pictures nowadays and compare.

i am no longer the ayunie wearing baggy pants and shirt. i used to wear those shirts that were from either IP ZONE or BALENO. i thought BALENO was the new ZARA =) i am no longer the girl with that wavy hair and nerdy specs. i do not wear specs anything lesser than a carolina herena or levis because both are bought by ace. i used to love wearing preggy clothes from topshop and listen to anime songs. now i learnt how to mix and match my clothes that ranges from korean styles to just plain casual. i used to not put make up because i believe in being natural but then, i learn to make myself more presentable for the sake of being approchable.

i have learnt that sexy is not wearing lesser but than feeling better and thus, i want to make myself more approachable than i am before. i may not be pretty and smart but i am the least kinder version of a female today.

PICS!

that FOX shirt.

i love to do pouts now.

totally kiddos.

hides and shuns away.

suddenly look old.

whatever the change is, i am still the same at heart and i found out i can never change how i feel in my heart because i know i am one of those eccentric kind. i have learnt pure love. i have learn learning to not listen to my temptations of switching off my phone and i have learnt to listen without judgements better. i am happy =) just the way i am.

nah, after what i went through, i just want to tell myself,

im proud of you ayunie. i am proud.

2009-01-11T01:19:00.002+08:00

Ayunithebest.......

i just knew it. ace was angry with me when i didnt pick up the phone recently. apparently he realli needed me at that point of time and i had this tendecy of not putting my phone in my uniform. its a hindrance i called it but ever since that day, i learnt a lesson. no wonder his messages sound so bad. oh, now i know why. HAHAHA. it was bestie's day with ace today. i only meet him once in two or three weeks and whenever we meet, we try to make full use of it. my idea of going out would be doing something we never do before. i have always thought of ideas but it was his day today. we were supposed to meet at 4pm but he had to go out to his friend's engagement party so we met slightly later.

upon reaching, this boy was still fuming mad about the day i never pick up my phone. of course i have to be apologetic. i was already feeling bad of not doing my part as a friend, he always know how to make it more worser.he picked me up from home and we went all the way to orchard for our movies. today was his treat.we had transporter 3 and seven pounds as our entertainment. i love car journeys with him and i had the chance to blast all my korean songs like nobody and my girl =) WAHAHAHA. i tell you, ace and i were singing,

i want nobody nobody LIKE you instead of nobody nobody BUT you

anyhow change lyrics. we reached upon time after getting lost in the expressway somehow. you all should watch the movies i watched. it is not a blast but it was nice! i totally love transporter 3. no, not the movie script but the cars. OMG. did you know that if i had a choice to have an AUDI or MERCEDES, i would choose AUDI because it is super versatile. at one point of the movie, i turned to ace & told him, can your HONDA do that, can you show me later. of course ace stared at me like one kind. the language was harder to understand because of the accent but as a first timer to transporter series, i would come back to watch the sequel only for the cars. seven pounds was way different because it focuses on being more appreciative of life. i nearly cried at the end because the good people always have to die.

WHY OH WHY.

i dont know why.you should watch. those who think that their life is as bad as a rotten egg, think again. once you watch the movie, you understand why. it was late night when we fnished our movies & it was time to go for a short shopping for his dad's shoes. i suck at shopping. whenever i go out with him and shop, i get stress because im not a good chooser but i act as if i know alot of styles. HAHA. good kan.we managed to get discounts from that seller and it was then time to go home.

=( i hate going home time. two weeks never meet, so fast go home. then must wait another two weeks again. thats why i never like going for movies with ace because doing that speeds up time, somehow. but ace was way different today. he finally opens up a little to me. i can tell he was trying his best to express his feelings even though in the end he couldnt say a full picture of it. i took time to listen and kept quiet when he talked. i wanted him to tell me as much as he could. i needed to know where he is at this point of time and so being ayunie, i was the listening ear. there were points of time i smiled and kept quiet. we kept quiet and then he talked again. oh my. its an improvement. he really wanted to talk. WAH.

its funny how this guy knows everything about me and how he thinks or pretends to think i dont know everything about him which i know. (except for the parts he wants to be left unknown)

i think he doesnt know that he is doing pretty well, slowly. i know he was having one of his bad days that he was about to blow up and he needed to say something. i was still his little girl =) the one whom he always entrust his problems to. i feel honoured actually. not many know how he works and that is one thing i have achieved. at that very point of time, i couldnt advice much because certain things he have to solve it himself. i can only say much but the rest is up to him.

by the looks of it, i think ace and me will be fine just like we were for the years. he actually forgots my three year friendship but he actually didnt forget about how important the 8th was. i stopped talking about how i love him so much but i started asking about how he lived his life. its time i listen to what my heart says and it says, as long as i know he is on the right track, im fine.if he is happy, im happy. once i knew and hear the words i want to hear from him one fine day, i will know that he knows what he wants in life and that, he will be able to commit to anything he does without a doubt.i await for that day patiently. i know it will come.

meanwhile i will stick my handphone nearby me and think about my FTT. haha =)

2009-01-09T23:07:00.002+08:00

Ayunithebest.......

i thought a lot today. i thought on how bad i was to iskandar. i thought on how my relationship with ace has made me today. i thought about my driving lessons which i never study until now. i thought about mr nurse liking another girl which everyone agreed i was better.hmm. i thought about how tired i was working overtime yet it keeps me happy to be at work. i thought about how mom is not going to cook for me any food and im left with crackers.

i thought about a lot of things. it left me a bit more wiser by the end of today. i dont feel sad anymore. i managed to go through it myself. i just want to learn time management and im beginning to get things done and not, procastinate.

im still thinking whether to buy that gift for ace or not. i shall dream about it today.

2009-01-08T23:31:00.003+08:00

Ayunithebest.......

i am sad.

very.

i off-ed my phone. thats what i do whenever i need time alone.

only GOD knows why i keep smiling everytime. im good at covering up. thats my forte. it has always been. its unfair.i feel unappreciated and clueless. it has always been like that. i have always been a test for GOD to experiment. after all i did and wait for, GOD never fails to slap me right and left everytime. its not fair, i thought good people get good things but why good people actually dont get it.

must be because im bad.

i dont know what i did wrong. sighs.

oh wells. ayunie will always be ill stricken with bad luck. thats what i have always go through.

it has to end this way, every single event. ayunie, good luck. hope you dont die soon.

2009-01-07T23:10:00.005+08:00

Ayunithebest.......

i miss home. i miss distrubing my grandmother and laughing at how cute she is. i miss abah and mama. i just miss teasing my sister and singing at home because 99% of the time, i will be out. i would like to feel that raffles hospital is my dad's hospital but no. seriously i spend most of my time there. there are things i do in life which i looked back upon and think but then again, as i leanrt from a magazine, it says.

there is no such things as regrets but lessons.

you regret also for what. cry also for what. think until your brain explode also no use because these things wont make you mature. therefore, you need to fight with your ego and emo to think straight. seriously, i find myself fighting with my inner evil twin everytime but i am glad i have the power to be patient. everytime i see something bad that happened to me, i commonly say that it is a lesson to learnt. things happen because they have to happen. its fated. thats GOD's secret. ahah. wise words.

oh wells.

let me tell you the schedule for this week.from today till sunday.

wednesday 8.30am till 1030pm

thursday 8.30am till 1030pm (mr nurse works in the afternoon,wee!)

friday 8.30am till 1030pm

saturday 8.30am till 3pm and ace's bestie day.

sunday 0730 till 1300 and dewi's bestie day.

i will be sickeningly tired. really,i am already half way to lala land. someone shoot me. today i shall popped in two tablets of panadol and go to sleep. i think i would do that for the rest of the week. i have to earn that money. with the rate of expenditure and going out i am having, i will never get to university and also use the money to upgrade myself. and oh ya, i have received news. my clinic coordinator may be resigning. do you know what that means.

if he resigns, i have a high tendency of promotion.

im dead. i dont want to be promoted so soon. its only 9 mths and i have still a lot to learn. it just mean so much responsibility and despite of me being the senior nurse, i am still junior in terms on nursing and handling patients. the other time, she gave me so much, i wanted to die because i had to go home late and also, i was clueless. how to teach. oh my. its going to be tough on my physical and emotional aspect but i take it as a challenge.

if i survive this week, i will take the leave i want to take on tuesday =) i shall start studying my last minute FTT. my mind is half dead.i shall go and sleep now. tomorrow will be another good day =) its my three years of friendship with ace. i wonder if he remembers. i shall stop being calculative and think of something to do with him on this saturday. anyways, you have a great weekend, opps thursday!

2009-01-06T12:27:00.005+08:00

Ayunithebest.......

i talk to ace yesterday after being mad at him. i wasnt actually mad, i was just pretending to be pissed off.he called me at midnite and i fell asleep from the long wait. i forgot he has to wait for his dad to be asleep, there was so many things i forgot about what we used to do. amnesia i call it. i told him about mr nurse, it was a hard choice. to tell or not to tell was a dilemma but i did. i didnt want to keep things. he was my closest and he did tell me if anything happened to him.

remember the day i said i had a bad feeling and it was on new year. it was the day ace injured himself. now i know why i felt uneasy. i thought it was because of mr nurse. i should have known about this feeling. it happened last time too and very often. i hate it when i get it because i am scared if anything happens to him and i am not able to know it. thats why i pray he would be okays.

sometimes i feel he is weird like he changed. sometimes i feel he is hiding his feelings inside. sometimes i feel like asking but i end up telling him, things will be fine because i dare not force what is not meant to be spoken. i told him i missed the old him. ace used to be an average army boy who can only afford to go KFC and MCs for our dates but he was way different then. he was more tactful and determined.

i dont know what to say to him now but i think he knows what i mean. at the end of the conversation, i sense a tinge of sadness. if only i was beside him, i will hug and tell him, " dont worry,i will protect you just like you are trying to."

its as if i have not been there for him for some time.

and at the end of the talk, i told him.

you will always mean something to me. dont worry firdaus.

and i put down the phone praying to GOD that firdaus will find his way and be protected always.i know its hard for people to explain why we are talking to each other. i find it hard and tiring to say too but i have always been proud and not regretful of what i do. honestly if you ask me, i still love him very much as much as i did the first time i met him. i still enjoy the dates we have as much even though we meet only once in two or three weeks. i feel the love has taken to a level that is so much harder to explain but when the time comes that either of us end up with someone else rather than each other, one of us will still be happy for each other because thats where the love has went if you get what i mean.

very shakesphere.

most people long for togetherness. being near. i learnt a deeper meaning to it. i dont know about ace on how he feels but i feel he is trying everyday to find out his goals in life and i hope those who care about him will give him every inch of support he needs. i can tell he is trying his best even tho' its doesnt have to be with me and so, im proud of him.

i just feel like blogging about him and if he does read this,which he will never do, i just want to say,

you are my pillar to do things =) i may procastinate but i have always wanted you to say im proud of you ayunie. it makes a difference.

okays. enough ace. now, i wish i meet mr nurse tomorrow! shall pluck my courage to talk to him again =)

shall update soon!

2009-01-05T20:01:00.004+08:00

Ayunithebest.......

i was mad with ace today. unknowingly. i dont get mad with him much but because i was so tired of the same reasons, i blew. i was supposed to buy my new sport shoes for my training but ace asked me to wait later on.initially i asked him whether he could follow me buy and he said he would answer by 5pm but NO. this guy took 20 minutes past 5pm to sms and reason being he fell asleep. aiyah. you see arh. ace is always like that. he always nag when i never sms/call but when i asked him out and most of the time, he says NO. i dont know whether he realli nags because he realli nags or whether he has no one to disturb anymore. you see the irony?! then can act nothing happened. if i get mad, he says im petty. petty his head arh petty. the funny thing was he replied.

hello..apunene..sorry cant go out with you today.have to help herman. btw sat im free.

WHAT.APUNENE! i can onli call you APUNENE okays because you are a true apunene. who wants to know SATURDAY you are free. i was so mad. the moment i see this message, i shook my head and replied,

nevermind, no frets about it =) have a nice weekend ahead.

WAHAHAHA. orbi quek. ahah. i shall never sucummb to this temptation. of course, i knew he would call. if he knows me well, he knows that i am angry.HAHAHA. it worked.he called to apologised but then can somemore call me petty and calculative. silly boy. i then told him the reason for me buying sports shoe and you know what he said?

HE CAN LAUGH AT ME SOMEMORE!

so irritated can. LAUGH LAUGH LAUGH. i was already pretending to be okay from all the anger that i had before and he could still laugh. how sympathetic is that. i told him i will achieve it in 6 months and he can LAUGH! oh like that. nevermind. you see mr firdaus. one day, i show you my certificate of completion when i cross over the finishing line and i see you laugh or not. this is the funny part. he asked me to postpone buying the sports shoes to saturday and then i declined and said, " im not free" and then he said tuesday and i repeated, " i dont know arh. i maybe busy"

HAHAHAHAHA. serve you right. disturb me right. i want to see if he remembers our 3 years friendship this week. if he doesnt, that does it. i will throw my new shoes on his car. anyways, i think i will still go out with him on saturday. long time no see and i have new CDs to blast in his car. i miss that irritating boy, i wonder how many babes he went out with already =) giggles.

oh yes. im glad i survived today. ONE STAFF NURSE which is me and many patients. worked for 12 hours. saw mr nurse and he acted weird as usual. i can tell he treats me as a friend but sometimes i feel he likes me. pfft. we will wait. i shall wait. i am so tired. shall read my books now.

happy happy week ahead!

2009-01-04T21:27:00.005+08:00

Ayunithebest.......

my gift for mr nurse.

after that date yesterday, i wished he would asked me out again. i have been waiting for his messages. i mean this is the FIRST! never in my life, i pinned for someone so much before.i know i wasnt desperate but he was like a man i would like in my life.i had the chance of opening up conversations. now that i have his number, it would be easier but i just couldnt bring myself to do it.i think i have bored people with the same question over and over again like, " do you think he likes me? do you think he will ask me out again" my friends are getting irritated by it but this guy, this guy is a motivation for me. after he told me how he ran a half marathon and how he trained to keep his shape, i was very motivated.

i mean EVERYONE who ask me to run knows what i would answer. i need to impress him. i want to train myself, run. i know everyone would not believe that i could do this but i want to. i just asked felicia to run with me this week and if this goes on, i would like to ask him to run a marathon with me. really. i dont care if he likes another person or not, this guy is worth the fight. i need to show him despite of my softness, i am a tough woman and then just one day, he will ask me out.

i just want him to bake brownies for me =) just brownies. mr nurse, i will run with u!

hahaha. anyways,

bestie.

guess what day is today?! no, its not my anniversary silly. its my TEN year friendship with dewi. ten years ago, we were just getting ready to go for secondary one orientation.look at where are we today. we are just planning to be better people. dewi has been there for me through thick and thin. she never judges me for what i do because i tend to do things when i feel like it. i know no rules and i dont live by people's rules. when i feel like it, i do it because i follow my heart which is why i tend to think i wasnt supposed to be born as a girl. haha. dewi and me argued a lot when we were much younger. i never talked to her for TWO years because of a mistake she made and during that time, we wrote letters.

CAN YOU BELIEVE IT!

toyol. HAHAHAHA!

we wrote letters and make people deliver them. HAHAHA, how nerd is that. it made others envy our friendship. dewi used to write to me how she admire iskandar or how she dreamt about stanley's thick lips =) i know she will kill me if i wrote this but i enjoyed reading every single letter. i would write about nasri and my class and signed it off as BE A HERO NOT A ZERO. what the heck was i thinking. you should see the letters. all got sailormoon pictures and then we grow up.

the other pochong.

i admit having dewi has sometimes tire me out. i tell my friends how dewi used to torture me with her complaints but i never failed to leave her side. never. i remember how i first was a couple with ace and i was so scared to tell her and i pretended to be single. she was so sad and wrote me a letter. i tell you. i was super down because i betrayed her trust but come to think about it, dewi did had her moments of joy. she was the one who stood up for me if anyone bullied me. she would stare and scold them like nobody business. she would sighed at my constant whinings but still listen because she knew i wanted a listening ear. this time, she has been much more of a support for me.

we are power strangers!

2008 has been a rough year for us. maybe MORE rougher than anything else because we broke up and we were aimlessly floating in life. i had my priorities to work and i was battling with my then love for ace that never did dies and confusion. dewi has never failed to sit down with me and hear me talk every single time. i am complicated by nature. i may look simple and cheerful but when it comes to knowing what i want or feel, i hide it. i no longer tell people my true feelings because i dont trust much as i do last time or i begin to feel no one listens to me. i know i dont tell her anything about myself but i find myself opening up to her because i am not so afraid to make her know how i feel. its an improvement for me. i could trust her with my things and i know, at the end of the day, she would be there for me if everyone were to leave me alone.

LOVES!

we may not talk often. we may not sms as much but we know we love each other a lot. i know she doesnt show how much she care about me or how much she listens to me but i know she tries to be her best when she is with me and i know how highly she thinks about me because i believe she no longer treats me as a best friend but a sister. you may have a lot of friends in life but you will never find those who would understand and stand with you through thick and thin. those are rare to find. there are times when they irritate you or you anger them but at the end of the day, you no longer find a reason to argue because its pointless to lose a friend like that.

after being a power stranger. tranform back.

i may lose everything in the world but when it comes to friends, i am blessed. i have dewi to talk to everytime with my stuffs. i dont talk much to muhaimin or even sms/talk to him except for saturdays but i missed him as much as i do every single time because he is one guy i really love as a friend and felicia. i may scold her for being anorexic and find her stories naggy but felicia has been one of those that stood by me every single time and i enjoyed being with her and knowing she could depend on me too. as for ace, i know he is my ex and i no longer call or talk to him as much but deep down inside, he will always be that guy that knows me inside out more than anyone else.

robin. batgurl and starfire.

these people. are my life or what i call family. i dont form a relationship with them but what i have is a lifetime friendship because all i can give to them would be love and more love. thanks for being a friend and awak,

happy 10 years =) may the next 10 years be less noisy but fun! hahahaha =)

2009-01-04T00:15:00.003+08:00

Ayunithebest.......

I DID IT! i went out with MR NURSE =) 2009 is starting a right note. bless me.

3rd january will always be remembered,for me at least.of all the dates i went for the last 9 months or so, this was probably the best. there was something different about me when i went out with him. you will get to know what i mean. today was the day that i invited mr nurse for lunch after the episode yesterday. everyone knows about my bravery and everyone wants to know about the outcome. naturally i was thinking of how to act when i am on his bike. apparently, i couldnt sleep because of him too. omg. super funny. at around nearby to our date, he told me he couldnt bring his bike because it was going to rain. what a bummer. i sense the sadness but i knew it was going to be that way. i had a feeling my wish of taking the bus or train would come true =) it really did.

our date was set up at 2pm and he waited for me at my RH lobby. omg. he could wait for me there. its like so obvious the whole hospital will know i asked him out but oh wells. i actually ended earlier but i wanted him to wait just because i was battling with shy-ness. so after 15 minutes in the washroom doing my hair, i was ready and boy, he was early! no guy has ever been early for me before =) he was the first! as usual, mr nurse was busy sms-ing. i tapped his back and smiled with a big hello greeting. must act cool mah. guys like coolness. hahaha.

it was super shy. seriously. i was super shy but i acted not. we decided to eat at MS foodcourt and it was his first time there. we took BUS! BUS LEH! no own vehicle but just PUBLIC TRANSPORT =) i loved taking people to places they never been before and boy, he looked charming. okays. i cant stand it. he is simply charming and whenever he stops talking and looked at me like one kind, he looks SUPER charming. HAHA. i have a habit of talking in all the dates but this time, it was different. he was talking and making me laugh. he opens the door for me and listens when i need to talk and he was simply SUPER DUPER NICE! shall i list all the things he does.

I WANT TO BRAG!

he can COOK. he can COOOK!!!! brownies =) imagine he cook for me, OMG.
he went to aussie before for attachment and currently doing part time degree!
he spends his saturday in mosque with his besties =) OMG! OMG! MOSQUE!
he dont smoke =) quits six years ago! and he joined nursing so that it will make him a more patient person.
he earns quite a lot and he tells me his only reason to stay in a job is when he knows the working environment makes him happy
he actually did a half marathon and would jog from kallang to esplanade every morning. i am inspired to run after hearing that =)
did i say he has a bike but i have yet to ride it. Oh my. maybe GOD doesnt want me to ride it yet arh.

WAHAHA. we talked like a long nearly two hours for lunch and we exchanged the food we had =) im like woah. i have never kept quiet for so long before and it was so weird of me to do that. he was just singing to me when he was actually talking. true enough,i wanted to sleep but i managed to wake up. he wasnt that bad. after lunch, we decided to walked from marina to esplanade and raffles place because mr nurse wanted to show me the underground mosque in raffles place. i have always wanted a first date nearby esplanade and WAHAHA, i got it =) this must be a dream come true.along the way, we ate ice cream while talking non stop. i purposely make him talk while he ate his ice cream. same flavour somemore. it was his favourite. silly boy. he was struggling to eat. hurhur. kena bully.

i tell you. this guy is simply the best. i have never felt this way before. i talked to SO many guys and only this one could make me feel this way. the place was nice. the wind was blowing so soft and we were having a nice stroll by the river.

it was time to go and we only met for three hours. oh my. the parting was super funny. we stood in the middle of the platform and talked about what actually happened when chitra gave him the appointment card i made. my train came but i passed on that. he seriously thought it ws a prank joke and an unexpected one but he told me, it was a pleasant surprise. he actually stood there in the treatment room not knowing what to do with the card! and he opened it carefully so that he wont destroy it. omg.i blushed but of course, acting cool hid it. i explained to him what happened and he smiled.

it was akward. i know i was feeling shy but the one thing scary was how should i give him the gift i bought. he actually passed his train to talk to me again. so gentleman =) then my train came. i had to take it because min and felicia was already waiting for me.i took out the envelope that i put the gift in. yelled a loud SHIT because the envelope was squash and i looked at him and said,

oh wells. hope you like it! my gift for new year and christmas! bye bye and thanks again!

he smiled and i think he didnt know what to say.i ran into the train and nearly bumped to a china uncle and sat down, smiling to myself. he was super nice to wave at me until we werent in sight. it was the nicest date i ever had. even huishueng and susan actually sms-ed me about the results. i told them i simply had a great time and i just hope to know him more better. the first date was all about nursing but lets hope the second one would be about each other. i mean i know i get to see him at work since he is nearby and on shift. he doesnt message me much either but i think he is one guy i would like to know even better. he is not handsome. you know me. i dont go for looks but there's something about him that keeps me wishing he would look at me again.

i know this guy would take care of me. i just know. but first, i shall gain his friendship.

=) oh gosh. im going to remember this. lets hope he makes brownies for me.

have a good sunday!

2009-01-02T22:07:00.006+08:00

Ayunithebest.......

i knew it. it was like a sign from GOD telling me something was about to happen to me but instead of a bad thing, i actually had a nerve wrecking experience with life. its like him telling me, "ayunie, you have done alot. its time my dear child." i could have died of nervous attack but i was super brave. i have always been brave when it comes to affairs of the heart. it all started when i came to work and then, it was a slow and nice friday until he came. mr nurse came to my department and i saw him walking towards chitra. OMG. the last time i saw him, i ran and hide behind the corridor while peeping at what he was doing. so embarrasing! but this time, i told myself i have to act cool. guys like COOL girls =) hahaha. obviously ALL my colleagues know i have a torch for him and all 4 of them were SUPER nice to me. you know what they did.

i stood there and watch these 4 monkeys trying to get a date for me. ALL FOUR OF THEM! omg. i was super shy but i acted more cooler and just did my work. i cant believe huishueng actually asked him out tomorrow for a lunch treat and chitra can somemore back up. BLOODY hell! and this mr nurse is SUPER funny i tell you. he stood there for a long time and he was so so interested in the lunch treat that he actually say he is renting a car and will bring only FOUR of us.

A CAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i only thought he has a bike!!!!!!!!! mr nurse can ride both bike and car.

chitra!

i was shocked, not that i liked guys who has transport.i rather take bus or mrt because its more cuter to me. but i am quite shocked by the fact that guy actually has both license when i failed BTT THRICE! anyways, here is the funny part. it was a LONG 15 minutes conversation and in the end, we didnt get an answer. obviously. this match making thing will never end =) chitra turned to me and scolded me.

she: AYUNIE! you are interested in him. why you never ask him out!!!!!!!!!!
me: ya i am but i CANT! its HARD for me. everytime i see him, my mouth is NUMB!
she: AIYOH, you arh. we helping you arh. did you see his mole?
me: CHITRA! stop with the mole!fine, i WILL ask him out. i show you. if he comes up, i will ask!

err. i actually said that. they applauded me. i turned to huishueng and said,

I CANT SAY IT! I CANT!!! you know what i will do. I WILL WRITE A LETTER!!!

huishueng looked at me and told me how brave i was and we brainstormed for ideas on a piece of paper. it was silly.i came up with so many ideas ranging from.

would you like to go out with me for lunch?
LUNCH? yes ___ or no ____? =)
i have TWO tickets to a movie ( which i bluff), would you care to join?
I LIKE TO GO OUT WITH YOU. can?

HAHAHAHA, so funny. and it took me one hour for it until i finally did this. i took an appointment card and wrote his name. i wrote the date and time and also the event and wrote there with a big smile, " its not compulsory =)" AARGGHHH! how can i come with those ideas. this is super funny. hurhur.

and there you have it. im super creative. i asked chitra to give him and ya, she did. she ran away after she gave him and guess what happen. it was a nerve wrecking 2 hours of waiting time until he actually smsed me.HE SMS-ed me and said how shock he was to know i actually did that. before i received that sms, he actually called chitra to confirm it wasnt a prank joke. WAHAHA. i wanted to knock my head on the wall but GUESS WHAT!

IM GOING OUT FOR LUNCH WITH HIM!!!!!!!!!!!

AAAAAARGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAARRRRRRGHHHHHH!!!!!!!

i cant stand this. i thought he would reject me but NO! i mean its been some time since i dated a guy and i wanted to start opening up in case i turned lesbo soon. i realised mr nurse is BAD in sms but i hope tomorrow would be okays. i mean i am super scared that i wouldnt know what to talk to him. the best thing is he told me that he is fine that my colleagues may join but if we were alone, he is going to pick me up in his bike.

BLOODY HELL! the only man i wrote a bike on was with abah. OMG. its a dream come true. first was an invitation for him, then he sms-ed me, then he said YES and then im riding his bike. i always imagine riding a guy's bike and action action bump his back. wah, you think i will do that arh but anyways, i am going to ride his bike. lalalalalalala. ride his bike. ride his bike. nanny nanny poo poo, im going to ride his bike. i dont know i will die or not but oh wells. in life, you have to gamble.

WAHAHAHA.

ya ya. i know im excited for nothing but seriously. after so many months of bad karma, GOD finally show heaven to me. patience is certainly a virtue and you just have to take risk. i dont know whether what im doing is right but i know its not wrong. i shant think too much. i shall make friends with him first. im actually a bit nervous but im not going to hope much also. just like ace and dewi always say to me, take one step at a time. this time, i wont rush into things. if he is the one, then i make sure my second one would be the last =) okays. time to sleep.

tomorrow will be an exciting day!

2009-01-02T03:20:00.003+08:00

Ayunithebest.......

i have a special gift.i know when something bad is happening behind my back but i try to not think about it.i woke up having this feeling, it was from yesterday actually. i hate it when i have this because i know its uncomfortable but i do not know who is in trouble. the last time i got this, it made me cry. i just hope its nothing really bad because if it does, it going to start my day off note.

i managed to find the part of the problem to myself. i am still afraid of talking to guys. guess what? the only guys i talk to now is muhaimin and firdaus. that's all. im not even talking to iskandar and i refused to pick up the calls. i tell you, that boy has been trying to reach me for 3 weeks ago and i made grannie lie for me that i was not at home. omg. this is a horrifying thing! i used to be the girl who talk to every guy like normal but now, whenever i talk to some guy, i would be the first one who be hostile and put down the phone. i have no idea what i am afraid of.

just yesterday was the most funniest thing.

its been a long time since i talk to a guy and i decided to pick up this call from this guy that i never talk for three months because i have a feeling i had to. the first thing he ask was why i didnt bother to answer the sms/calls he made. guess what i replied.

" if you want to talk to me, dont even ask about why. now you have a choice. talk or not."

OMG! since when i can answer to guys like that. and he was of course laughing at me. i was pretty upfront but we managed to talk. this guy was the one i would like to stab. apparently he was the same guy who talk to me when he HAD a girlfriend and he told me he dont have any and then called me when he broke up with his fiance and just yesterday told me, she wasnt his fiance but just a girlfriend. OMG. i dont understand this.

how can you talk to another girl when you have a big quarrel with your girlfriend. this happens to ALL the guys i meet. they talk to me when they have fights, as if im going to solve it. the best thing i could do was saying yes, i know, yes i know. i mean shouldnt you concentrate on making her happier and solving things. when i argued with ace last time, you know what i did. i took a bus and emo-ed myself and waited for him to call. but usually, its always me who call because i dont want to lose a good relationship.

come to think of it, i was really a guy in a relationship. really really.

if i was a guy, i score MANY MANY points.guys are just as confusing. you know why GOD made women? so that guys wont be so lost in life because they are blind.but when i listened to his story, i seemed to understand why guys behave in certain ways. one thing was for sure that i am afraid of meeting guys even though i may seem to have a lot of crushes especially on that mr nurse but i know, i can no longer be so upfront than i was before. this guy wanted to take me to marina barrage and i told him " NO! only my friends can. you go with your friends" omg. i cant believe this and the BEST reply of all time when one of the guys told me he liked me and i told him this,

sorry.i dont feel the same way. hope you understand. god bless.

WAHAHAHA. what the cookies. AYUNIE. cruelty to guys, i realise. i told mom that i hate being me sometimes and i dont know why i behave in certain weird ways like giving too much. it's a behaviour i have from young and she somemore can agree. everyone says the same thing. i have a good character and bla bla bla and whoever gets me will be the luckiest guy in the world.

i think in my heart and i know its true. somewhat.

that guy will be lucky but im not because i will bound to give more than i should again. maybe thats why i am reacting this way to guys. because, i am afraid i would give more and be a boyfriend again. i am afraid that special someone wont understand me as much and he would be another complication. its already enough what i have experienced even though i dont really blame on anyone but sometimes it hurts, just thinking about how you give love.

maybe ace is different than i am. i wish i was like him. i mean tougher and cool. he has always been the one who toughs up faster than me. he could move on faster than me. i am still a slow tortoise. i see him winking at girls like one kind and i still feel like stabbing him, haha but i wish i could wink at other guys like nobody business. wink and wink until my eyes drop but for what when i obviously am pushing people away. oh my. what have i become.

this is a big diagnosis and no cure. i come across patients with the most SICKEST diagnosis and wonder how they are going through it. i know my situation is not as sickest but what if i was as sick as them, would i know then how to appreciate life and live life as it is. maybe then, i would stop thinking and start living.

then come to think of it again. why did GOD make me in such a way that i could listen to people and the comfort i give them when i sit down and reply yes i understand but when it comes to me, i dont really care. when i asked ace why he still talks to me even tho' i break up, its because he is much comfortable to talk to me and it goes the same to all people. WHY AM I COMFORTABLE TO TALK TO when i dont want to talk to people about myself. how come i can care and love people when i know its going to hurt when it doesnt go my way again and i still can face through it again and again. how come even at my darkest, i can still smile and tell myself, things are going to be okays.

maybe you know. maybe my close friends know. maybe ace.dewi.feli and min knows.

and i dont.

and i believe GOD is telling me again and again something. i refused to see it. and today, i close my eyes, breathe in one and two, told GOD that i need have more faith and a sign to show me the path in life.

NAH! im okays =) its just that i think toooo much today than yesterday. i just missed being my old self, you know but of course im still the same. not depressed as two years ago but just a little bit wiser.

have a good friday!

2009-01-01T08:03:00.007+08:00

Ayunithebest.......

first of all, HAPPY NEW YEAR to all =)

i made this with my camera. again. HAHAHA.

its the FIRST of january and i am up and awake blogging about how i spend my day at the end of 2008. how possible can i be. i woke up to go to work yesterday and i was so giddy from all the lack of sleep i have been having. still, i need to attend work because i just dont want to be one less head count. it sucks working alone sometimes. i feel i am at school actually. anyways, my lovely huishueng came back and i told her how busy it had been without her. she kept saying that with me, everything would be okays. thats the how many times she said that ever since last 3 months. i wish i could instill some confidence in her. work was okays. there was one patient which i gladly yakked on monday because he was SUPER demanding like mr kiasu but at the end of the day, he thanked us for the service.

SO UNEXPECTED!

mr kiasu was so nice in the end. im glad i am a nurse. we ended pretty late but it was worth while, with all the patients wishing us happy new year. the funny thing is how i have been giving people impression that i am a night girl. OMG. mr some was like, " ayunie, i know you are going to the countdown unlike us. we are too old." what the cookies and creams. this is the how many times i have been said these,

ayunie, i know you have a boyfriend. who is the other one, your scandal.
ayunie, i know you are going out laters, why wear so nice. meet your abang arh?
ayunie, what movie did you catch yesterday? where did you go?

i cant believe this. for the million times i tell my colleagues that i wasnt attached and am only admiring a particular guy. one thing is for sure, i have been missing out a lot of movies which is IRRITATING me because everytime ace calls me, i would ask what movie he had catched and he would have watched ALL the movies. somemore can watch that particular movie that we were supposed to watch and he switched topic. next time, i shant ask because i dont like it when people watch movies before me. HAHAHAHA.

anyways, work is fun! cant wait to dance around tomorrow.

ain emo-ing.

now getting back to the new year celebration, i actually did this for new year.

WENT KINOKUNIYA + BOUGHT 5 ARCHIES comic + took TAXI home + ate at home + eat ice and kena lecture + read my comics books + sleep = wake up + go to grannie's house + treat my family supper at adam's road

i spend my new year with my family at home and outside with the expense of 20 bucks on food. wah so surprising. i am certainly happy. i wanted it to be different. i know, i know. i have been going out for the past few months and sometimes going home at 12am for three days straight knowing i have work the next day. i dont know how i get such energy but i know by the end of friday, i was closer to dead tired. i have not been spending time with my family and whenever i come home early, all of them would say,

" WAH you go home early?! why? no one want to go out with you eh? miracle seh"

what the cookies. grannie always say that, i just smiled and told her i was just tired of going out for a while. hahaha but true enough, i missed eating at home even though mom DOESNT cook so for the past few weeks, i make it a point to ask them out and eat which of course, i pay. abah is VERY particular with spending money. hurhur.

anyways,

dad's vespa.

we went to grannie's home to send durian porridge or something. i dont know what it is called and went to EVERY one of abah's siblings to deliver it. he made me go out of the car and knock on people's door at 10pm just to deliver the porridge. so nice of my dad to do that and he would shout over his car windscreen to talk to his sibling from 3rd storey. so funny can. lucky no one complain. hahahaha! it was near to midnight when we finally wanted to settle for food. i actually wanted to go the THE ROTI PRATA HOUSE at thompson road. the same one that felicia took us to it. i was craving for the prata bom but guess what happened?!

ain and ayunie.

BLOODY HELL! no parking slots and the place was FULL! so angry but we went to adam's road instead. okays, the place was not bad. i had fun eating with my family and OMG, dad saw ace's face in my camera and he asked me who he was. i told him that ace was the one who bought me the camera and he was the same person who he saw me with him in that car. i still remember singing ronan keating's nothing at all when that happens. haha. abah looked at mom and laughed. im not so sure what's funny but i felt awkward. he must have think he was my special someone but mom knows he isnt and its a long story if i explained to abah so i never did probe it more.

hahaha! see abah's face.

12AM and the whole adam's road wished everyone A HAPPY NEW YEAR. so funny. it was like howling dogs. dont know anyone also wish. like a big thing. i used to sit in front of the tv and anticipate the new year but its kind of grow old on me. new year means a new beginning of something good/bad. i have no idea what i will go through this coming year. it has been rough for me in 2008 indeed emotionally that is but i got through it with tears, smiles and friends. i knew i was strong but i never knew i could be that strong.

i actually surprised myself sometimes.

nenek pulau ubin and me, really she used to live there.

i think there is so much more to learn about me. i am never an ambitious person. i dont make plans to go overseas or even become a manager. i was never the type of person that thinks 10 years ahead and know what i was heading to. i was more carefree, happy go lucky. i live life by the day, knowing i wanted to be someone in the world but i didnt know what. 2009 will be challenging because of the recession and also, i will be stepping on things on my own as a single person and also, turning 23 in 10 months time. i know i can make it but i would love to see how i managed this year. everyday is a life's experience and im going to make each day worthwhile.

okays! pictures!

my hair growing longer!

actually this is for me but i made her wear!

at grannie's house doing nothing-ness.

dont catch me paparazzi.

muke nak tido.

FOOD! at adam's road.

and my favourite of all,

me!

i shall continue reading my archies. have like 7 more to go =) i like reading now. maybe i catch a movie myself laters too. oh wells.

have a great year ahead =)

2008-12-31T00:54:00.004+08:00

Ayunithebest.......

i cant believe i forgot to go out with ace today. hahaha. i was supposed to ask him for help but apparently i finish with my stock so i didnt call him. i thought he would be busy but he wasnt. oh wells, must wait at least a week to go out with him. that boy is busy! anyways, work is okays. huishueng never came to work =( sad. she thought she was on leave! so funny but we survived despite of the short handed staffs everytime. i served the deputy minister's wife today. wah! i am so proud of myself. mr some scolded me for asking payment from her because we are not supposed to but i dont see the reason why not. i managed to get through the day and i cant wait for tomorrow =)

i have survived through the storms of 2008 and i deserved to give myself a BIG pat on my shoulder. in less than a day, we will reach the year 2009 and it would be the start of a slow recession and beginning for some. i know how people have been thinking about their new year's resolutions or goals for next year and i have been asking my friends about it. personally, i dont really have goals, i say SO much but achieve so little. what i have are dreams. i was just wondering what my last year's resolution was but i think it should be something to do with ace. aiyah, you should know me. my mind was ace ace ace from 2006-2008. now that i am all alone with NO boyfriend to spend the new year with, i think it makes some difference. HAHA. i wonder what.

anyways, 2008 has been the BIGGEST year for me. i shall list down the TOP events =)

GRADUATION!

i graduated from ngee ann poly, doing a diploma in nursing for three years after quitting junior college halfway and i am proudly working in raffles hospital as a clinic nurse with a whole lot of responsibilities and challenges but im in the line for promotion. just had to motivate myself abit =)

ACE AND ME!

my relationship went from tolerance to break up. i BROKE UP with ace on 24 april 2008. CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT! how did i survive?! i also dont know arh, haha. we didnt talk for 2 mths and he was with ms gorgeous. suddenly i pluck my courage and talk to him again and POOF! i am like his little angel =) WAHAHA, ace stand up for me alot with reason of course despite of the half half answers he gave. suddenly after 8 months, we are talking like nothing happen. aiyah. its weird for ex couple to talk but i think me and ace are pretty comfortable to talk to each other. tts one thing not many know. buy me things like so rich like that. he may not be the one guy i marry or vice versa but i believe this guy would save me first if his girlfriend or me drown. HAHAHA. i think even when we marry other people also, we talk like nobody's business. mcm PLATONIC like that! you are loves ace!

DEWI AND ME!

after i broke up, dewi broke up. so coincidental! one month apart somemore but unlike me and ace, their love is much more LOVE than you know. dewi changed for the better and she still believes in the secret and sewing for success. im telling you, even i cant do what she does because my definition of love is so much different from hers. anyways, me and dewi went through a lot together this year and next year will be our TEN year anniversary =)

MYSELF!

i changed my look from rebond hair to permed hair girl. you tell me which is better =) during my singlehood cause, i dated a total of __ guys. one is two years younger than me. i cant believe i actually went out with him! dated a superstar which was an experience that last for a while. err. two weeks. i had actually liked someone of different religion but i ended it because it was too funny for me and also, an emo person that emo-ed too much.

guess what.

i didnt get back to any of the guys. WAHAHA. okays. aiyah, its better not to play with people's heart so i disappear from their lives while they keep asking where i was.guys are like bananas' on top of the banana they have. why? because i have to peel many many banana's to find out which banana is the BEST. btw, i love watermelons instead. i dated a few and i decided to NOT date for the time being because this is STUPID. why date when your heart is not there in the LOVE line. i shall not waste my time on this and wait for mr ayunie to come.

i have a lot to list down but whats more important is the future!

what would i like to achieve!

TEN THINGS!

to get my driving license. im taking FTT in JAN and i will complete my car license in a year so that my friends and i will have an easier time going around.
i want to go phuket with mimie and pulau ubin with dewi for my anniversary.
i would love to save 500 bucks a month. i shall REALLY make that happen.
i want to be promoted next year and come up with a good system so stock take and ordering drugs wont be a mess. did i mention i want to be a good collegue and team player?
i would like to bake a cake for all my best friend birthday.i want to make 2009 birthday special for feli.dewi.ace.min =)
i want to rebond my hair and cut it bob by june so enjoy.
i want to take up a community dance/choir programme and take part in an event.
i will DONATE at least twice in a blood donation drive. i will EAT more meat and less ice.
i wish my besties will always be happy and may things always go smooth for them

and lastly,

i wish all my resolution above come true =) somehow i make it.

anyways,

HAPPY NEW YEAR in advance!

2008-12-30T00:14:00.001+08:00

Ayunithebest.......

dutch lady and me =)

after spending a nearly 12 hours out in the streets, i am finally at home in my own comforts. it has been a hard monday for me. after i met ace yesterday, i had to stay up for 2 hours just to complete my stock and i only start sleeping at nearly 3 plus. huishueng would be on leave for a day so that means no one will be taking blood for the morning appointments. i had to make it a point to come half an hour earlier so that theresa wont need to search for a nurse frantically but guess what! i woke up err HALF AN HOUR LATE! i had to reach work by 8 am and i woke up and 715am =( darn. somemore raining. what do you expect.

i bathed in TEN minutes and had to call a cab. worst still, i forgot to total up my stock and i even dreamt about sara and the clinic. WHY DO WORK HAVE TO CHASE ME! i have a history of mild anxiety attacks so today i felt it. i cried and shivered at work. didnt even wear my makeup. i looked paler than ever and sicker but i wasnt temperamental. just a bit quiet than usual. it was a busy monday, we didnt get to eat until later noon and i had my lunch only at nearly 3pm. i was pretty tired by the time i had my lunch. i had to stay longer because i was the only one who can take blood for the patients. lucky the veins are manageable =) the good thing was everyone was nice to me even the patients. i think they are beginning to see how sincere i am in working. i dont really scold unless i have a reason to. i update my staff nurses on news and i know who i can trust and not but i think they know how i am okay with things. one by one, people are opening up to me even though they may have bad attitudes at work.

PRESSIE!

it shows a lot. i also have pmsing bosses coming to me and telling me about life. slowly i will gain the respect i would like to deserve. i have always wanted to be a leader. a different leader who sees and motivates her army in going through the way. i was that one who would push someone if he/she couldnt move anymore through words and heart.i was putting a lot of effort at work =) anyways, i met mimie after work to celebrate her birthday at party k world. i tell you. she is such a funny bunch. met new friends named ariel and mabel who are around my age too. we had fun singing nonsensical songs until my voice crack in the middle of the song.

okays. goint to sleep now! so tiring. hope tomorrow will be a better day and im sure it will. working in a clinic is like taking a roller coaster ride at escape theme park. full of ups and downs but definitely, im beginning to see its worth the work.

i just need to learn how to be more organised. im thinking of what i want to achieve in life.

btw,

i love REMC =)

2008-12-29T01:56:00.006+08:00

Ayunithebest.......

ace and me, we have a lot of differences. i was obviously abit taller than him and i was more bigger feet size than him. ace has a lot of admirers and i dont. haha. ace doesnt tell things to anyone he doesnt trust and he has a way with how he works. he motivates to do things by his own will and he has always been a role model to many whom he had taught even though he irritates 99% of those he have communicate with. he was more practical in doing things and was never a romantic person because its hard for him to express things somehow. he may not show his emotions but if you understand him well enough, you will know when he is up and down.

i am different.

i trust people easily and the main reason why i work things in life is for the people around me.i want to be a role model to people and yet i havent find myself doing enough because i will never find it enough/suffice. i am more emotional when it comes to doing things and i believe in doing things from the heart to make people happy but i never knew about sincerity. it was something ace knew more than me.

thats why ace will always be there for me when i need a listening ear because he is the only one who knows how to shake me and make me think twice about what i feel.apparently he would be the one whom everytime we go home, i will feel sad because i know i could only tell him things that i really feel about life and sometimes he mistook it as, "his presence makes me upset" he knows when i am upset be it from my voice and vibes i given him. take it like today. as you know i have been having a rough time at work always so we went out as usual and when we were on our way home, i got that sadness vibe yet again.

i always do this to people. i have the tendency of being hard on myself.

he actually spend an hour from SHAW to CCK and another 30 minutes just to counsel me again and again about the same thing. i will never think i did enough for people. its always like tt with me. im trying so hard to please people and yet, i never feel satisfied. i didnt know the meaning of sincerity in work. he taught me time and again how importance it is to be sincere. he knew i was trying hard but i never did put it in practice. just like his birthday. i will never find it sufficient because i couldnt give an expensive camera to him or even a T touch watch or anything that was worth what he given to me. i was only good at surprises and yet he tells me,

you have done more than enough to last a longtime memory.

you see what i mean. i have a BIG problem that i tend to put pressure to myself when i think i am not doing my best even though people know i have. ace lecture me of course, in a good way because he was the only one person i would listen somesort. he made me motivated. its as if he had always been looking out for me even though he may not be with me. ever since we broke up and things happen, he still know that i had always been his little mangkok which means stupid silly girl. its funny how someone whom had hurt you so much so many times comes and still approach you and tells you he still cares about how you live your life.

and deep down in your heart, you know he is finally not lying to you. i often ask if he was tired of listening to me but then he said,

i will never get tired of hearing you saying the same things but i get upset if you keep feeling this way.i have always believe in you. 10 years down the road, people will look up to you and respect you. mark my words ayunie.

i find comfort in someone like him. we are different but maybe thats why we are clicking when it comes to hanging out and talking to each other. we shop for clothes, we cry when we watch hindustan movies together and we gossip about each other's close ones. we practically do things that other ex couple dont do. its silly but i know i need him to be there for me even though i dont say it. i know he may not tell me his problems but i feel he is holding on as much as i am. one day when he needs me real badly, im not going to leave him in a lurch because he hurt me indirectly but what im going to do is to hold his hand and walk through it with him.

he has been holding my hand ever since we met long time ago. ever since those times i wore baggy pants and nerdy glasses. he was the one who may not understand why i cry when i have problems or why i do certain things i do but i know he understands what i am like. he was the only one who no longer will shower me with its okays but instead, I TOLD YOU ALREADY, ayunie, LISTEN TO ME. of course, im not trying to sugar him or anything but it is true. ace makes a lot of difference in my life and im just lucky i have that kind of batman to smack me of reality if i need it.

thank you apunene. really. im going to make you proud as much as you have always believe in me and i hope one day, you are going to make me proud in things that you do! you are my bestest bestest fwen =)

have a great monday!

2008-12-28T07:35:00.005+08:00

Ayunithebest.......

i was awoken up by my grannie's wailing calling me to get up and go to work even though its a sunday.i frowned for a while and grumbled at her,"its a SUNDAY nenek,i dont work on SUN. stop asking me to wake up" she paused and said her thousand apologies with an extra slang to it. anyways, i am super lethargic.i went to work yesterday and i had the most migraine in my life. i just wanted to lock myself in one of the consultation rooms and sleep or so.the stock take thingy is still not done and initially, me and mr some wanted to set aside time to do this but NO. there was NO freaking time. medicines was piling up and there were a lot of packages and prudential checkups.

OMG. i find myself dancing here and there.

i cant believe i actually shouted at my colleagues. NO one wants to send the blood to the lab. i saw it half an hour in the basket and i still SAW it half an hour later when actually someone promised to send. OMG. i was SO SUPER mad and wailed of course. i frowned and told them,

" SOMEONE SEND THE BLOOD, PLEASE. OMG!"

hahaha. okays, i HAD to do it. if i never do it and the blood clots, then the nurses will be in trouble. freaking toot. i hate it when i have to be the bad guy. it sucks.

i am beginning to hate doing or even covering people's job. i wish someone would marry me now and get me pregnant because pregnant people can get maternity leave. its legal and i dont have to take MC and begged for leave which 99% of the time i wont get. i actually thought of leaving the place. seriously, even though my medicines are getting better, i actually missed nursing. i should have gone to the wards to torture myself instead of being in the clinics and staying back doing paperwork. endless.

i think if they promote me also, i know im not ready. its just too many responsibilties. i rather take something and be sure i can do it instead of psychoing myself, i can do it.i know sara is going to scream at me tomorrow for not finishing work or even, have a bad impression of me but what the cookies and creams. imagine me having to cover your sick/pregnant nurse,doing endless stock take, being a nurse and cashier, being a doctor's chaperon, being that e-trolley fixer up which i am still not done and being the one who always knock off work late,

I CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i just had to repeat my woes.if i survive tomorrow which i will, it will be a miracle.oh wells.cant believe i never did go for bestie's day too. had to finish work and bring it home somemore. thanks awak for understanding =) i dragged my feets home and i was glad i had some time to rest. sunday is here and i still feel lethargic, but i will be just fine.

im just finding an avenue to complain. btw,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MIMIE! loves loves loves!

2008-12-26T00:01:00.002+08:00

Ayunithebest.......

this is what i do on christmas when everyone is busy to watch movie with me.

step one- i psycho myself to stay at home and psycho other people to go out.

step two- i make my dad pay for all food and pyscho him to drive around orchard.

step three- i pyscho-ed abah to go changi and psycho-ed all to take pictures =)

last step- we all had fun on xmas at changi =)

i love my family!

2008-12-25T02:34:00.002+08:00

Ayunithebest.......

its 0230 hours and just want to wish all of you a MERRY XMAS =)

this christmas has been the best of all because.

i ate at the best seafood buffet with my colleagues and they teased me with mr nurse and ace. omg. ace is now known as mr sugar daddy and mr nurse iso err. the secret to me nt going down anymore =(
i got a body splash and pouch from mr some and a bangle from teresa for XMAS!
there was a wine infront of me and i SO wanted to try but i didnt =)
all of my colleagues thought i was dating someone because i wore super nice today but actually i was only out for shopping. hurhur.
mrs fields gave me a FREE gingerbread santa! im popular, haha!

talking about shopping. im broke now because i bought

a river island straight leg bootcut jeans for 50 bucks. im a BIG size 14! pfft.
a bata sandal which i bought in impulse
a whole make up range from SASA worth eerr 80 bucks. finally. an eye shadow.
a top from GG5. seriously i look more korean now.
three sloggi bras worth 50 bucks. wah. my three first branded bra.
a bootcut pants from g2000 so that i can wear it with my formal looking tops
muhaimin and dewi's christmas gift. i have yet to get for felicia and ace, HARD man.
new earrings for my ear of course!
60 bucks worth of pizza for my family

and of course 300 bucks goes to my family which means = IM BROKE.

=)

i spend 1000 bucks in a day. how good i am so people, see me starve. oh wells,

cant wait for the next bonus! and also, to go out with feli, min, ace and dewi this two weeks.

im a happy girl!

2008-12-24T00:18:00.004+08:00

Ayunithebest.......

YES!

i bought that 129 bucks of GAP dress and i am happy. im going to wear it with my white cardigan if that black cardigan is wash, plus my stockings and white heels =) im just thinking whether i should wear it tomorrow because my family kind of against it. shows my curves somehow and i think if abah see it, he will shred it to pieces. oh wells. i want to be pretty enchanting for the lunch so yarh, i will wear it. the things i do to make myself killed, hurhur.

OH YES.

i smiled at him today! i said HI =) err. from far. he was walking past my clinic and i was in the dispensary when suddenly he walk and i accidentally turned. i think he tried to avoid me but i caught him of course. at that moment of time, chitra called the dispensary and told susan he was here. very funny. now its like a tracking system. anyways, my heart beat so fast can. i was like talking to myself after i say HI. yet again, i couldnt bring myself to ask him out =( and so, chitra did the job. susan kepo-ed somemore. they thought i would come out and join them to talk to him but NO, i just couldnt. i was too shy to face him anymore.

OMG. what the toot!

chitra tried to get a blind date for me. aiyah. i think he knows im the one and then suddenly here comes the BAD BAD news. sad. he told them he was single but in the pipeline of something. i knew it! i knew he liked someone. AAAAARGHHH! why oh why.my heart just stopped for that once. there goes my prince charming because he was really really really nice =) i dont go for looks of course but he was really a nice man. if only i could ride his bike one day, i would die in happy-ness. susan told me what happened and i smiled at her. i knew i wasnt as upset as the time ace told me of his answer but i just wish he would go out with me just one day. who knows he will come to enjoy hanging out. i mean i am fun =) somesort, with the crazy ideas i think about.

the whole clinic now knows about me admiring him and mr some wanted to give my bloglink so that he could read. chitra and kak siti told me not to worry because she is going to help me fight for him and susan wanted me to ask him out for an innocent coffee. its been a long time since i have ever admired a guy so much. i mean its like those times in secondary school when i often waited for mr fonseka to come to work. now its like i always peep at FMC to see whether he is working. like siao cha bor.

i wish i could be more braver.

i dont know whether im pretty enough or something. i just know my face will turn red when i see him. its so obvious. oh wells. i hope tomorrow he will see me with my nice dress =) im sure i will turn some heads. or so. its nice to see im not feeling guilty that i am looking at another guy. ace asked me the other day to date people and when i told him i was not interested, i really wasnt. its not that i was scared of falling in love. its just that im more careful with whoever i interact with.

after 2 years relationship and setbacks, knowing how i work and all, i decided i know what kind of guy i want. everyone knows how i love to give a lot in a relationship and how i never know how to stop. sometimes i think about ace and our past but i kind of think now that maybe im not the girl for him. you know, he just deserves someone better. i think if we were still together, i will be a constant nagger arh. im quite irritating sometime, even i cant tahan. HAHAHA. but about mu choice of guys, now i know. i want to know a guy that would tell me,

ayunie, stop. let me be the one who pamper you with love, baby. you have done enough.

oh my freaking chocos. if a guy say that to me, i will MARRY him straight away because i know that he can give me the world and cross the seven seas for me to buy me a PSP. hahaha!im going to go with the flow and just be happy around my lovely colleagues who are still trying to help me get a date, with my friends whom i have been there for me and my family who is still nagging about my image.

oh wells.

im blessed. definately. maybe thats my secret to life. my relationships with the people =)

2008-12-22T18:14:00.004+08:00

Ayunithebest.......

i woke up late yet again because i have not been getting the sleep that i got for the last one month. i nearly slept on an uncle's head thinking it was okays or an honour for my head to be on his. haha, it resulted in being late for half an hour and poor huishueng had to struggle taking blood alone. work was as usual hectic. monday blues are always for patients to kick us in the butt so that we can wake up for the rest of the week. i found myself doing more things as usual but sadly, my blood taking skills have slackened. blame on all the admin work i had to do, now my nursing sucks big time. pfft. anyways, i met monica at the lab today and she told me i was getting prettier and prettier. WAHAHA. she was my senior of course and LOUD. she was the one who asked me why i would put a picture of my ex boyfriend on my locker 6 months ago.

i remembered how me and aurea used to tease her. she would say, " SO.. SO?" and we would answered " SO WHAT?" haha. so bad arh, until now we laughed at her because she stammers but i kind of miss monica =( OH YES! i finally saw mr nurse. oh gosh. he sounded so unfriendly over the phone, as if he was not willing to talk to me. i had to borrow some vaccination from the clinic below and he answered =) i had a feeling he would and i pretty acted cool of course. this is the funny part.

i went down to take the vaccination and i SAW him =) of course i would see him. i had to get from him but i wanted to ask someone else because i was shy. he was very busy but i stood infront and acted more cooler than ever. his hair grew! wah,now look more handsome than before. giggles, HEHE. it took 10 minutes of my time to take the vaccination until a point i really got to talk to him. i asked him whether he wanted me to fill up the form. initially he said yes but then he changed his mind. i feel he was kind of awkward around me. dont know why.

while he was filling up the form, i opened my mouth and SHIT! the words couldnt come out and my heart was beating VERY fast. OMG. i cant even open my mouth and say the words! i kept smiling and laughing to myself like one kukuberd. and when he finally talk to me,its like i smiled like one joker. the best part was angela (cha bor) kept saying,

"mr nurse is a good boy, he will liase with you next time" X 5 times

imagine she saying that. whats that supposed to mean? we stared at each other and i ran up =) i was just to shy to say anything except for this.." ANYHOW ONLY" must act cool mah. hahaha. but i dont know. somemore i got my patient to wish me luck on my dating quest. i shall not be desperate but wait like im always good at. who knows what will happen. i shall hope tomorrow will be a better day for me again. so embarassing.

anyways, we are pretty counting down the days to our christmas party.it has decided that we are eating PARISS international at MS =) i even got mr some to pay the taxi fare for ALL of us. i think we are booking a LIMO or something.YAYS!i love GET TOGETHERS!everyone said that the buffet is super nice and each head would pay 30++ for the buffet. the best thing is that it is FREE, thanks to the doctors and guess what? dr loh, our founder, would be joining us. i hope he wont laughed at me because of the birthday gift i bought him last week. i bought him err.. teddy bear and a rose. CUTE WHAT.

oh wells.

i just cant wait for bonus! everyone is asking me to line up at the ATM tonight to check. anyhow onli. think im so free is it =) but woohoo, im going to buy that dress if my pay comes soon! this week is SUPER DUPER pack for me.

sometimes i feel like a business woman =)

have a great day!

2008-12-21T22:03:00.003+08:00

Ayunithebest.......

i just want to say something. after i got back from bestie day.

i love muhaimin. i love felicia. i love dewi.

thanks guys for going through 2008 with me =)

2008-12-21T11:23:00.007+08:00

Ayunithebest....

i am SUPER lazy to blog now i have my camera.i shot 145 shots for three days and i am still struggling to upload the pictures to hotmail and friendster. not forgetting blogger because all the sizes are BIG! darn, now must go photoshop and crop it.i think by the time i send all the pictures, it would be next next year. pfft. because of this inconvenience, i will not blog my full entry but present you the TOP 10 PICTURES of the day in the eyes of a eccentric painter.

TOP 10 PICTURES of the day.

1) the hose will never be forgotten.

2) dreams of in alaska.

3) we are yes. you guess it right.

4) batgurl just finish work.

4) byebye cinderella, we took over your throne.

5) rock and roll, sweet child o mine.

okays, this is not related with the top 10 but i want advices! which one is nice?

1) the half shoulder top from RIVER ISLAND!

2) that sleek 129 bucks dress from GAP!

3) i just find this one cute.

and.

4) that lacy blouse from RIVER ISLAND.

i just want to buy that GAP dress for the new year's because i know i have no money to buy dresses for the christmas party. sad can. all my money dont know go where and somemore bonus come late. nevermind. i shall buy that dress and wear a cute cardigan and tie my hair at the side with a high heels that kills.

and i shall ask mr nurse out for new year. how how how. i still havent had that courage to talk to him and i havent seen him for ONE WEEK! so funny. its as if i am asking him for his hand in marriage. aiyah but what if he has someone he like already but i dont know. i dont know. so confusing. okays ayunie. stop talking to yourself.

now the whole clinic knows i have a toot for him and they have been asking how how to me. i would be like how how to them back. hahaha. and they would ask about ace and i would say ace is my best friend, he dont like me anymore. and then they would be laughing like hell. i have a feeling im a big joke at the clinic.

HAHAHA.

i think i am dreaming.

have a happy sunday!

2008-12-20T04:15:00.009+08:00

Ayunithebest.......

apunene.

i havent been blogging for nearly a week =( it shows how busy i am with work and my outside life that by the time i get home, it would be freaking midnight. work is fine. i still go home late to complete my things and got myself really tired by the end of the week so gladly, i took my so called mc to rest =) wee, i feel good resting at home and sleeping for 12 hours. HAHAHA. now i am pumped up to count for stock take today!

anyways,

i finally met ace two days ago after he nagged that i havent been calling/sms-ing him.aiyah, people busy mah. still nag nag nag. ace had a long long leave and he owed me a long long outing so he finally asked me out on wednesday. as usual, i waited for him TWENTY minutes passed the given time and mr prince late was happily thinking he did nothing wrong, yet again. haha.pumpkin looked cleaner and there were new carpets installed in the car. wah,worth 150 bucks, dont understand men's obsession with cars. we were supposed to watch SEXDRIVE as promised a month ago but ace had to meet his friend to buy a camera for his bintan trip this weekend.

supposedly.

of course, being ayunie the shameless, i would say this.

WAH YOU BUYING CAMERA! WAH! IS IT FOR ME! THANK YOOUU VERY MUCH FIRDAUS! YOU STILL OWE ME A BIRTHDAY PRESENT! WHERE IS MY SAMSUNG OMNIA!! WAH CAMERA ARHH!

nagging again.

i tell you. i nagged and wailed for the whole journey and ace laughed at my antics. he called me shameless somemore. ya la ya la, people buy camera, of course must act shameless so i wouldnt be jealous =) hahaha. i suggested to buy at sim lim square but he refused and we were waiting for his friend. i was wondering who is this mysterious friend of his and then he came. WAHAHAHAHA. omg. it was AZMI, actually.i smiled and we high fived. azmi is ace's best friend or somesort. whenever ace and azmi together, its like the devil and angel. opps. hahah. i still remember how azmi used to ask me for opinion to buy his sony handphone way before i got together with ace and how he met me after i broke up with ace. such a nice chap =)

oh wells.

both boys got well together after meeting and i skipped a little, still acting the camera was for me. the weird thing was when ace mentioned bintan to azmi, he was kind of lost. i suspect something is wrong. we took TEN minutes to find sony gallery and funan and when we did, it was heaven. OOOH. so many labtops. i wish he would buy me a labtop soon, i thought. the boys meddled with the cameras instead,deciding which is better and how the price differ. i took my time surveying for his so called bintan camera but they seemed to know what to buy already. i helped ace try out the top two camera chosen and i kind of like the sleek one. HAHA. this is the best part. he asked me which colour i prefered.

me:what colour? the black one arh. you like black. black is you =)
ace: no, which colour you prefer. the pink looks nice.
me: AAHHH. pink! i thought we sharing. so if you have pink, people will LOL like hell =)
ace: aiyah. nevermind, which one you prefer!
me: BLACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i dont mind, it looks unisex.

hahaha. azmi watched our antics.i think it was a long 5 minutes colour argue. i was still confused over the questions asked but i had a feeling something was amissed. the camera cost around near to 600 bucks which can buy 4 DS lite at sim lim square.darn expensive but ace had a lot of money and i thought it was a good thing he pampered himself once in a while. once we bought the camera, we had a little problem because the sales person took the wrong colour. waited for a while to get things right and we were pretty hungry. the funny thing was ace asked me to fill the warranty card with my name.

WHAT THE COOKIES AND CREAMS!

us at sony.

of course, i didnt. it was his, why must fill up mine. so funny. we happily left the gallery and i was kind of happy holding the camera for ace. wah touch screen somemore. haha. i was thinking of when to borrow it already. we bid azmi goodbye =) im going to miss this nice chap and then the best thing happened. ace turned around to me and proposed...

WAHAHAHA. no la, wait long long he proposed.

i mean ace turned around to me and said " this is for you. HAPPY belated birthday." i shimmer with happyness and shock. OMG. the 600 bucks camera for me. OMG. OMG. OH MY F GOD. hahaha. to think i was just a bit thick skinned before and now, its MINE! so silly can.i did expect such things but ace planning with azmi? no, i never did expect that. WAH! CAMERA SEH! now can kaching kaching with muhaimin and dewi.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. muhaimin! i got CAMERA. HAHAHAHAHA.

that was our second outing on thursday.

sorry. too happy. he remembered. he remembered he owe me a birthday present and i was just kidding somemore. oh my. the thing with me is i show my happyness too much so i talked for half an hour non stop of course. too happy. we ate MCs for dinner and i asked him why he bought me a camera. it just doesnt make sense. i never crave for cameras!

you always wanted a camera. ever since a long time ago.you used to borrow your auntie's BIG camera and then when muhaimin had a camera, you looked as though you wanted one and you like to take pictures so nah, take many many pictures now =)

OMG. i looked as if i wanted a camera meh. my oh my but there was one thing he said that makes me wonder why he remembers certain things and why he doesnt choose to remember others. he remembers i used to borrow my aunt's camera which was two years plus ago, way before we got together. i was touched. he did think about me. ace got me an ICA teddy bear and ear rings too plus a bunch of recycled flowers from his friends wedding. it was my first time after a LONG time, getting so many things at once. i was truly happy. i wished we were together again actually but then, i looked at him and tell myself, things will never be the same.

he was just my close friend.

HAHAHA.

we watched movie and got home after that. it was a long day, i fell asleep in his car while he blows the car stereo off. purposely trying to make me deaf. it was time to bid goodbye and i was still smiling happily among my presents. HAPPY HAPPY and then he said it,

you happy arh this year. got so many presents. got your handphone, levi's specs, camera somemore. so good arh.

he laughed happily when he said that. it was as if he was happy with his own achievements and then i turned around and smiled at him,

of course =) its mine now. but i wanted to say something else so much,

but i lost you.

oh wells. lucky i never say. i dont think he want to hear it anymore. hahaha.later he kill me. hurhur. ace pampers me alot. sometimes i wonder why he buys me a lot of expensive things. i dont even ask for these things. i rather get something i know that was made in effort. i was kind of a sentimental person but i know he feels happy when he knows i am happy to get the things he worked for and thought of for years. i wish i understand him more now because i actually dont but one thing for sure is that he wanted me to be happy and not think too much anymore. he still does care even though we are not in love already. it keeps me happy knowing ace is there even though i may argue with myself that i want to show him i could stand on my own.

dewi's office. i decor it.

i am happy he is just a phone call away.

but now,

i shall indulge in my CAMERA! bonus come, i shall buy that white pouch for my camera =)

have a nice day!

2008-12-15T19:18:00.002+08:00

Ayunithebest.......

if i have a sword, i would have stabbed myself to death today. stab until i am dead or something because i cannot stand the fact that we have not enough staff every single day and we have to do double jobs. i graduated with a diploma in nursing and i took the job scope of a clinic nurse because i know that being in a ward will make me die faster than the other people. some people are more suited for wards and some are clinic based. im the latter. look at what i am now.

i am a self proclaimed migrained nurse that does registration, venepuncture, vaccination, dispensing, assisting, ordering monthly stock, auditing guinea pig and a personal listening ear to all my colleagues. omg. now i have to learn how to smile when i know i feel like stabbing the person. seriously. some people dont know the meaning of helping or covering a colleagues. for the HOW many weeks, i have been getting lesser rest than i should. my knees are in pain and my soles are inflammed.

IM TIRED!!!!!!!!!

and yet i come to work hoping for things to be done but i have to do my utmost responsibility as a nurse. the only time i can do all my admin. work would be freaking after working hours. and by that time, im more sleepy than ever. freaking tired. can you see this.

tired.tired.tired.tired.tired.tired.tired.tired.tired.tired.tired.tired.tired.tired.tired.tired.

i want to take MC also, must think twice. if i MC, then the clinic will practically DIE. one less staff means my nurses will work MORE than normal which means, they will DIE. i dont want them to overtire themselves because they are my pillars. look at rebecca. she refused to take MC and now kena diagnosed diabetes. thanks to working too much and being emotionally stress at work.

now i am stress. why. i hate it when there is less staffs because i cant get my things done and i end up doing by my own everytime. of course i know its their right so voila, i have my right. i swear upon GOD, after this week of stock taking, i will DIE DIE try to take MC even though i am not sick. i will PSYCHO myself to be sick because i deserve the rest.

i want to stay at the comforts of my home and SLEEP! thats my DREAM for the past 2 MTHS!

oh wells. i feel better complaining. anyways, had a fun and tiring weekend. been out with fmuk and dewi until my knee had a difficulty in walking. sole also kena inflammed. im not feeling well but i try to use psychology to be better =) oh yays. ace called me and he kept nagging about me not calling. toot toot. its him who never call and forget. i shall harp on it until i am satisfied. somemore can call me ms ego just because i can answer things proudly. pfft. unfairness. some guys have airheads =) and yes, this ace arh. i tell you.he tells me he will call a day later and he has this habit to call before he sleeps you see.

and then guess what happen.

we happily talk and still arguing about me not calling. until 20 minutes down the road, mr batman here snore and fall asleep. AARGH. am i too boring until fall asleep for the two years plus i know him. my god. of course,i used my own tactics to wake him up la but NO. for 40 minutes, he slept like a log =( hahaha. i want to laugh.

some things never change even if we are not together. he still nags. he still tease me. he still call when he is alone in the car or before sleeping.he still sleep when i talk. most importantly, he still calls me nurse ayunie. some things.

sometimes i feel i am talking to a dream or something. aah.

tomorrow would be another day at work =) of course, i will make it. as usual.

2008-12-12T19:23:00.003+08:00

Ayunithebest.......

dewi called me in the morning and told me i was devoted to work. i couldnt agree more because i think i spend half of my youth years at REMC thinking of when would be the next time i would have time to key in my stock. im actually having a bad headache and my eyes are turning dizzy everytime it reaches 7pm but i still have to complete most of my work because during my working hours, i am a nurse. after working hours, i become a clerk. my god. JCI is over and we still dont know the results =( the best thing is that its the start of the end of year stock take and i have a week to finish it.

i already delegated jobs and we are still short of staffs. all of us have to do double jobs again. its just not easy running a new clinic especially an executive one with temperamental people. sara talked to us in the afternoon and told us about this deployment that the clinic has to do. every department has to send one nurse to the airport to become airport checkup nurses just because of the H5N1 scare. its just like those SARS period. apparently MOH hs deployed raffles people because we have a branch there.this is the best part.

if there is insufficient staff, either of us will take care of 2 terminals. you have to work for 12 hours non stop for three to five days with only one day rest and within activation time, you must arrive at the airport in THREE hours. macam army can. i always wonder how ace gets to army activation in 3 hours. hmm. you have to wear PPE for 12 hrs (apparently suffocating yourself) and also learn how to read body temperature using thermo scan. This process continues on until there is a deactivation of the H5N1 scare. the GOOD thing is you are paid 15 bucks per hour.

OMG.

15 X 12 =180 bucks

180 X 5 = 900 bucks

900 X 2 weeks (if it happens) = $ 1800

BLOODY HELL! so much money can. its like ALOT to me. i know the working hours suck and this would mean that i would have less time for everything and more time to be at the airport wearing my PPE instead. somemore i am an infection control nurse. this would also mean that if i was activated at 12MN, i would have to come down by 3am. so cool.

of course, i volunteered =)

MORE MONEY + AIRPORT + COOLNESS + being a LEADER + ESCAPE from work + POPEYE CHICKEN = MORE TIRED BUT RICHER ME!

wahaha. but sara looked at me and say NO. OMG. she said NO but in the first place, she said EITHER of us =( omg. i was so disappointed that i said WHY OH WHY SARA. she always do this to me. pfft. the answer to the NO would be because the clinic needs me more. what the cookies and creams. i smiled even though i was sad of course =) i was still in charge of stocktaking and she needs me to take care of the clinic while she is away.

and then she finally said it.

" ayunie. you better lessen your careless mistakes and start learning more. im thinking of putting you for promotion the next round =) "

what more can i say, sara. what more can i say =)

2008-12-11T21:53:00.006+08:00

Ayunithebest.......

nurse ayunie.

its been an anxious week because it has been the week that my department has been preparing ever since 6 months ago. it made eugenia stress and went on leave, leaving me alone. it made my boss went mad and even madder at us because she is just too uptight. tell you frankly, JCI took the heart and soul of us. i know how my friends in wards may not be as stress as the way i am acting or even those people who went through audit. seriously, the process of preparation had made us laugh, cry and mad at each other. look at us now. we made it this far and tomorrow at 3pm will be the auditor's results.

i was late but i still pose for the camera.

i admit i have been complaining about things - how it went wrong, how work has taken my life away and how i have been complained about being err slow but work has definitely taught me how colleagues becomes friends, how people have different behaviours, how my thoughts of being a nurse becomes stronger after every thank you i hear and most importantly how work has developed me. true enough, i have been keeping myself occupied with work because if i dont, i feel lonelier than a pauper. i still think about my relationship at times but i came to realise that thinking about the past doesnt help. i had to think about the future - what it could be.

he was right.

lips.

ace was right no matter how wrong he may be. i am still angry with him over some things that sometimes i lose my trust in him. he may be the reason i no longer like talking to guys as much as i do like oogling at army men last time. he may be the reason why unknown people used to tag my board and say how right i deserved to be treated that way plus the fact, he wasnt there to protect me.he may be wrong in being unsure about his decision and still, waiting for me to say things first than him, himself.

but ace was right about one thing.

my new clothing.

i had to be do things because i want to do things, not because of other people. i dont know whether he meant it (saying is different, doing is another thing) because he said it three weeks ago but i know that if i start doing things because of myself, it would be much different because i am sure that this will change the way i think. dewi has helped me alot in realising how i needed to open up more. i am still scared to tell her things but she takes time to call me and make sure i tell her about myself everytime and you know what.

i managed to tell her how i feel and sometimes i dont want to stop =)

anyhow tie hair.

its an improvement. i told her how my secret fantasy is to learn how to dance like those people in step up. oh! did i tell you too that my secret dream is to work for free in a shop that no one like to visit? i wish to do that in the future so that i can help these people earn money. i feel better when i tell things to my bestie that sometimes when im alone, i shed a tear, knowing i have people around me who needs me. same goes for me. i need people.

ayunie.

i am going to go through things step by step, slowly. just like how my besties tell me and yet i havent get in my head. hey! at least i admit things =)i have been researching about part time night degrees. i have decided to do something closer to nursing which is degree in psychology. no more hospitality because it doesnt make sense for me to take the diploma just to get the degree. and next year, would be a tough year, financially and emotionally because of the recession but im going to do just fine =) i know.

and awak.

we shall

not buy the handphone first but instead, survey. if i really get my bonus, we will buy =)
if i never get bonus, i will still treat you to carousel =) but no handphone
not go swimming because i have menses but go for movies on SUNDAY!
gossip about mr doraemon and also, your twin boyfriends soon.

and sorry wak, i have been disappearing on and off because of work =( but i still have your company which is on my locker. you saw it kan wak. all of those important people are on my hall of fame =) HAHA. and awak, i miss you too!

okays. time to sleep!

should i cut my hair next year like that =)

HOPE RH PASS JCI!

2008-12-09T23:52:00.003+08:00

Ayunithebest.......

my gums are bleeding. i was munching my ice when i feel so weird. omg. bloody toot. now really got bloody blood. everytime i swallow my saliva, it would be like swallowing blood. thanks to my ice eating habit of every two hours especially during this audit period, i am going to develop chronic anaemic and also probably, gum cancer. i may die sooner before i get married when i am 24. haha. its very funny how people always ask me how i can munch on ice as if i munch on crackers. i tell them there would be only two reasons why i munch on ice. first is when i am stress about some events i cant do and second is when i am upset. but when the latter is affecting my brain, i eat more than usual. err. a lot more.

now you get your answer nad =)

i hope the ulcers will go away soon. anyways, today is the first day of JCI audit. it was practically a scary day because you wont know that they will be coming to your centre. i didnt get to sleep well at night and i keep dreaming about these ang mohs.even when i am sleeping, i dream about my e trolley. i havent been having enough rest and worst still, i have a history of anxiety attacks. if i get scared because of something unknown, my function levels will be downsized. rebecca was complaining to me how the audit made her life more miserable and everyone was nagging that they are SUPER scared about being questioned. true i am the most senior among all but in terms of nursing, i am super new. best still, my nursing SUCKS. i still wonder why i am a nurse.

oh wells.

sara was pretty nice today. i think she knew we worked hard or something. somehow everyone knew how i worked and cleaned the clinic ON MY OWN until 5pm on saturday that i started sniggering to myself. no ot pay, company loyalty. the funny thing was when huisheung and chitra started blabbering how my face look so upseting. my face looked sad meh. i wasnt feeling sad at all somemore. omg. you see what the JCI audit did to me. horrible. it will be another three more days of suffering until all ends well. i cant wait for the christmas party especially and i havent buy a gift for my partner =) WEEE! we have a budget of 15 bucks and i planned to buy her underwear and lingerie because she loves to look young. WAHAHAHA.

the best thing is she gets to open infront of EVERYBODY. kan comel.

i wonder who got me for my christmas exchange present. susan told me she had me for the exhange so i told her honestly that i want a PSP since my brother is still saving up money =) how honest can i be. WAHAHA. oh my. cant wait for the 24th december though. we are going to have a lot of fun!

went out with felicia today for a de-stressing session and we went to eat at a restaurant. bad service anyways so shall protect the identity of the restaurant because of some reasons. i spend like 16 bucks on food. should have eaten macadamia white crumble at swensens instead. pfft. anyways, it was fun hanging out with felicia. as usual, i went home quite late. i tell you. i like to go home late when i am stress because if i go home early, i will be counting down to tomorrow morning which sucks big time. i shall stop having that habit oh man. to top of things, iskandar has been nice to me lately after i so called nag at him. after three years of nag, now he finally listens. i got to be there for him at times like this. somemore he just ORD and finding a job for him proves to be more difficult than it seems.

ah. sometimes i still feel his mom send me to look after him.

anyways,

i have started to open up to dewi. bit by bit about myself. she gives me two minutes every day for me to tell her something that she doesnt know about me. the first time i opened up, i was quite taken aback because its been a long time since i told someone about myself. there used to be a time where ace was the one i told but i started to supress my feelings bit by bit until i dont dare to voice things out anymore. i know ace wants to know how are things going on for me but i just dont dare to tell him anything. i feel so scared everytime i talk to him. its as if i lost myself in that too. today i told her things and i still laugh about it. maybe days after days, i will learn not to laugh to supress my feelings but to let it out. i know everyday of my life, i feel i lost myself but i dont want to think about it. but then there is this hope inside of me that tells me,

i never did lost myself. i just had to search the goodness in me.

i have a lot to search. 2 minutes everyday. the next time i see my mom, i am going to ask her again,

why did she name me nur ayuni.

2008-12-09T16:16:00.002+08:00

Ayunithebest.......

life without you is a no-no. you will give me fame and accredition. i cant sleep well. i dream about you every night. i worked hard because of you. missing meals and also, life. i have anxiety everytime i think about you. i just want you to go away. far away where i wont see you and able to live in peace and shop for christmas. because of you, my life became more horrible than before and because of you, my friends left me before you could came. i just wish these days would end fast like a blink of an eye.

because of you.

auditors =(

to think i have anxiety attack everyday because of them. im counting down now.

3 days. 72 hours. 14 days to payday and bonus.

i wish i was married =) no. its not related to the topic above. hurhur.

will update more!

2008-12-08T01:22:00.015+08:00

Ayunithebest.......

i was not smelling my armpit.

i am very happy today =) besides the fact its hari raya haji on a monday blues, i have broken the record of going home at 1230am on an eve of a festive holiday. the best thing was i got to spend it with my two poly besties, muhaimin botak and felicia of course. after the saddening short bestie's day with dewi, i was sure that i wanted to make my sunday fruitful after working so hard for a whole week. its been two weeks since i last saw muhaimin and i know he is going to be more botak than he was the last week. i kind of miss him much because i used to ask him to tag along with me to esplanade for shows. now i have no one to go with and its been a month actually since i last step in esplanade. surprisingly.

thats me. casual.

i was out early to meet them at novena because felicia wanted us to try a new eating place that she found out on the net. it was prata day at upper thomson road. i walked around novena square for a while and actually i was tempted to buy BOOTS. i mean they look super cute and i see not many wearing it so i want to be the first. i was lucky enough to control my expenditure. i waited for felicia at COTTON ON and then muhaimin came along. felicia tried on some razer back and pants which i was tempted to buy too. the skinny jeans looked like my topshop jeans and she bought it like for 30+ bucks. unfairness. oh well. shall buy some jeans when i get my bonus soon.

tell her that she is anorexic.

we then set off to eat the BEST crispy prata in singapore as recommended by the NEW PAPER. i was just following the way people say it. i kind of wonder why they are so many prata shops and what makes them different. i have tried certain stalls. jalan kayu, clementi, west coast, upper thomson. you name it but this was kind of a GOOD prata stall. the menu sucks because NO pricing but we ate quite a lot for only 23 bucks which comprises of:

four plain prata
four eggs
one cheese and egg
one mushroom and cheese
one prata bomb
one mee hoon goreng
three teh tariks
two cokes

i tell you. like buffet like that. the prata super crispy and i personally like the bomb prata because of the condensed milk. it melts in your mouth when its hot like hell. oh man. you all should try! we only pay 8 bucks each person and by the end of the day, felicia swore she didnt want to eat prata anymore.

that nice =)

YUMS. pizza christmas way.

after that,we went to orchard of course because we had a booking of SINGING talentime at cash studio. i was super excited because its been a long time since i last sing at a place =( we booked it beforehand because it tends to be crowded on weekends. we were early so walked around here and there. found on some sale on perfumes at shaw house and OMG.i should have bought that sarah jessica parker perfume. super nice! but too bad i bought MAGIC kiss instead. it was bubble tea time and we bought some weird drinks to warm up our voices. i didnt like mine so i got muhaimin to drink it for me. eee. i hate honeydew snowshake!

botak and me. see how dark he is.

singing was fun =) i think i lost my voice at the end of the three hour session. guess what. cash studio is becoming more expensive. we pay like 23 bucks each which is the same price as KBOX when we pain 16 bucks or so only before. things have changed a lot. at least the songs we sang were new. me and felicia got to sing NEVER SAY GOODBYE by mario and nesty =) like so finally. i thought my korean translation was indeed good. haha. should have record it but the two of them die die dont let me take the camera so yarh. unfairness again.

us at christmas orchard.

we sang quite a number of songs and we skipped alot of it because there were not much time. my friends didnt enjoy my version of bizzare love triangle because they said i love to sing cutesy songs. pfft. min and feli's version of a whole new world sounded like they were struggling to sing and muhaimin keep singing female parts. HAHAHA. it was a must to sing atas nama cinta by rossa and my heart too. even felicia's pronunciation of malay has improved.

HAHAHA. we had so much fun!

look serious but feli's pose is like nice nice nice.

the singing session had our voice coarse but we decided to go to esplanade to snap pictures. WEEE! long time never go so i was quite happy. there was a bad traffic jam at orchard that the bus was held up for some time. i listened to min and feli's story because i was already ha;f way asleep. walked all the way from raffles hotel to esplanade and BAM. time for photo session.

im going to leave for you to see the pics now because im getting sleepier.

ENJOY!

donuts. jumpers and christmas.

i was already half asleep when he took this.

compare to the picture above.

hey! i am not ready yet!

at esplanade platforms.

i love how the wind glides through my hair.

me and handsome botak as usual.

i love this lots!

muhaimin. felicia. ayunie.

nerdy. skinny. NOT.

ayunie with her jumper.

and.

the most favourite shot of all =) taken by me of course!

hope you enjoy the post too. selamat hari raya haji =)

2008-12-07T03:17:00.002+08:00

Ayunithebest.......

its wee hours in the morning and im ready to blog. ace called me just now =) btw,my handphone is up and running after plentiful of caressing. getting back to the story, i almost thought anything happened to him because i dont really call him that much nowadays. i didnt want to be another disturbance to his life and i think ace would have guess it how i work in my brain. he was blabbering about how rubbish i am because

i am taking FTT next year instead of this month
i am being bullied at work everytime
i am not dating. my reasons for not dating are unjustified.
i have one thousand and one reason not to call him but make it seem i have been busy.

it was not rubbish okays. i WAS busy, with work. haha. and i delayed my FTT because i wanted to concentrate more on my audit. wait arh. i show you i can pass with flying colours and i will be the girl driving my abah's honda and your honda. HAHAHA. and i HATE dating now because guys are silly people on earth. i rather meet them and fall in love at work or orchard even then dating them over the net. no more such stuffs. dont play play arh.

HAHA.

it was nice having him to call =) i missed ace, shall ask him to watch movie with me after audit. i want to die from not watching movie for A MONTH. okays. now i shall complain. i had a half day shift today and my bestie's day start at 1330 hours. i made dewi wait and shop alone for 2 hours plus just because i had leftover work to do. EVERYDAY IS LIKE THAT. im irritated because some people had the cheek to just go without finishing their job claiming that they are doing it for no reason. oh my god.

okays. I AM A NURSE, i am NOT a cleaner. i dont expect my job scope to CLEAN tabletops and the least you can help me do was help me WIPE the tops. somemore i am the BOSS of the day and i had ONE patient trying to find fault with me which i seriously am going to die because i argued or so called never fulfil a request. i had a BAD day, and im glad i never blow my top.dont come argue with me because its your boss who ask you to do it okays. not me. you think i SO free arh. i havent count my controlled drugs, update e-trolley, do my infection control file, write an order form for expired drugs and bla bla bla. wah. the least you can do is HELP clean so that i can do my work.

I HAD TO CLEAN 8 ROOMS =(. myself.

by the time., my bestie day is at 5pm. bloody toot. thanks bestie for waiting and helping me with the file =) i am glad you find our dispensary organise. i felt bad for making dewi wait but she was so nice to understand my situation. i had so much things to do and the audit is next week. we just have to pass. i have been missing life. all my movies and ben's and jerry's are all gone because of the silly audit.

when was the last time i went out, like really went out.

LONG LONG TIME! AARGH. i tell you. on the 12 december or 13, i make sure i have FUN like i never have before. im going to ask felicia, muhaimin, dewi, ace, xiao qiu and whoever is free to catch ALL december movies with me so that i will be satisfied =) HAHAHAHAHA. it was a fun and short bestie's day as usual. we went to plaza singapura to buy more and more clothes for dewi's teddy bear. oh my. she really spend a lot at the BEARY workshop every single month. bears these days are lucky. we then went for a bit of shopping and had dinner at starbucks.

and one thing dewi wrote for me today was,

i cant live without you wak.

i was touched. i felt appreciated for a start. i had a best friend who was strong enough to stand up for me. thanks wak, you have always been my little chilli padi.kind of wish today's bestie day is long because i needed all the rest i can get. cant wait for next week though =) we are planning marianah's bridal shower and dewi wants us to start a business in wedding preparation, just like fatimah mohsen but different. heh. i try my best awak.and i cant cant wait for today because i will meet MUHAIMIN =) yays. miss botakhead alot and also of course go singing at cashstudio. its been a long time since i sang fly me to the moon and i make sure i choose that song 5 times. HAHAHA!

have a good sunday!

2008-12-05T19:42:00.002+08:00

Ayunithebest.......

im taking a break to say this.

IM STILL AT WORK AT 745PM. i cn predict i will go home at 9.30pm!

and im doing this for free again =) how good can i be.because i have to complete my filing and clean up my dispensary. the best thing is the aircon is off. im sweating and falling asleep soon. its been the fourth day i have stayed back just because of the audit. i tell you. after the 12th december, i make sure i will shout like hell because me and my colleagues worked hard for this. seriously. if we never pass JCI, i will cry like hell because we freaking work hard everyday. the fact that we are scolded and slogged everytime shows it.

now i shall get back to my work.

tomorrow i will be the in charge =) ooh. im the boss of the clinic!

and not having handphone surely tortures my besties but delights me because i feel the sense of relief that i am unreachable. WAHAHAHA =) i shall get an OMNIA soon okays? when next year comes.

hop. step. JUMP. wee!

2008-12-04T20:21:00.004+08:00

Ayunithebest.......

its been a tiring four days.i have been at work till late nights just to complete my e-trolley and other stuffs. i had a temperature and a bad flu but i still had to stay because the audit is just next week. i had to walked home feeling sick everyday because i had to come to work for the last days of orientation. best still, i had to run up and down to the clinic and my orientation because i had to teach. i missed a lot of lunch ever since but something strange happened in two of the four days. rebecca smsed me while i was having my orientation yesterday about me becoming not part of the group anymore.i was taken aback,i never did understand why would she talk the way she did when i did everything to make their life in the clinic better.

and today was the best part of the day. we had roll call so apparently my manager talked to all the front desk people. i had to attend to a patient despite it was my LUNCH orientation break. there goes my mee soto. apparently, rebecca suddenly said to me that,

who is that slut/bitch that go tell everything to them?! see they turn tables around.

i looked at her and thought. what was happening i asked myself and i recalled a particular event.

i turned to her and said,

i was that slut/bitch rebecca.

rebecca stunned for a while and got back to eating her mee soto.she turned and continued about how i got them into trouble. it wasnt a good week for me. first was work, now is colleagues. i was getting tired =( but of course, i had my reasons in doing so because i thought the management would take care of their colleagues. it makes more sense that if a colleague is not happy, the concerned one would voice out right. thats what rebecca taught me too so i did that. all because i had their interest in my mind.

i never thought things would go this way.

i was upset of course. to think you cant trust anyone in telling things. even for those concerned ones. i looked at them with my frowny eyes and told them, im sorry. now i know what to say. rebecca smiled and told me it was okays.

but i know it wont be okay if i dont find a solution for people to be happy at work.

while going home nowadays, i keep thinking of my late grandfather.

my late granfather was a smoker. he was biased. he didnt like me alot as much as he did like my little brother. all because my little brother was a boy. no matter how much i see it, i was unhappy that my grandfather funded my brother's bus fee to school when i had to walk. i just didnt talk to him that much but my late grandfather taught me a lot of things. he was a caring grandfather despite of his biasness because whenever i went up to him and asked him for cracker money, he would give me 5 bucks so i can buy for my siblings. he didnt earn much. he was just a cleaner.

he grew plants outside our home. thats how i love to grow flowers. he would teach us how to take care of the plants. there would be caterpillars on it everytime so i became grandfather's little security guard because i never dared to pick them up. he said if we dont pick them up then the flowers wont grow. i often eee at that but that was one thing late granfather never taught me. how i could protect myself. he did things for me.

but one day.

one day, he fell in the toilet. trauma in the head and he was delirious. bedridden for months. then it went for years. he didnt eat anything except for porridge and it came to a point where he had only bones on him. he couldnt talk anymore. nor he could walk. he could only move his eyes. he couldnt take those caterpillars on his plant when i saw them. i didnt know who to tell.

and one fine day,

he passed away. i didnt cry. i wipe my mom's tears instead. i didnt want to cry because i wanted to be strong. no one told me it was okay to cry. i just had to be strong. he wasnt there anymore.

i knew the only thing i had best was my ear.i began to learn that giving people an opportunity to voice out their worries to me was a joy. i felt for once touched. i was like late grandfather picking up those caterpillars from the plant but one thing happened was that i grew up listening to people more than i listen to myself. i didnt pick the caterpillars on myself. i let it eat me out. it made me happy seeing how others grow but deep inside me, i needed someone to plant me.

it was then i realised through the 22 years of my life. no matter how much ace will tell me how good i am or no matter how much dewi would tell me how she treasures me alot, i would always have this perception that,

no one will ever listen to me as much as i watch them grow.

it used to be a time i know what i was. i was those people who listen and watch people grow. but then i begin to think, who did bother to care about me when i wanted people to listen and watch me grow because all they have ever said was,

i think too much.

it has taken to a term that i stopped talking about my problems to people close to me because i just cant open my mouth.not because i dont trust them. its just because of events. i dont like it when people tell me i think too much because they never listen to me nor watch me grow. it tells me a message,

hey. you are silly. stop it.

i get that a lot from people until i stop talking. i start laughing even though im not okays. and i start avoiding my own character. im actually beginning to feel im falling because of myself but since no one is removing my caterpillars, i would.

no matter how hard. no matter how no one comes to save me when i need them, i can do this.

because my late grandfather always say,

if you are patient enough, you will see your flower grow and those caterpillars will be butterflies.

btw,my hp broke, sad. somemore present =( how bad luck is this week, you tell me. anyways, i cant get any spare so i will be missing from ring ring for a while. anything call my home =)

overtime again!

2008-12-02T15:38:00.000+08:00

Ayunithebest.......

im sick. still working like hell.

=(

i shall indulge in ice cream when im better.

2008-12-01T23:18:00.002+08:00

Ayunithebest.......

nothing starts a better monday when you get to know TWO of your important staffs is down with medical leave. rebecca had throid problem and huisheung's child was sick so its left to me to take blood of every single patient. bloody toot. its been some time since i last practice my skills and i know that it's not as good as rebecca's eight years of experience =( i had to pretend i knew it all and of course, i did it =) with flying colours. i could take blood from OLDIES especially and those fine veins that you could only wish you had your phlembotomist there. i still have a lot to do at work because i have been chasing mr ahmad for my e-trolley things and i have to complete my updating stuffs. the most horrfying thing is when you had 5 patients after lunch and ONE doctor. best still is when the compuyter is down and your bosses are not around.

i was the only one in the clinic and when i asked my fellow colleagues for help, i knew i couldnt let them do the upper hand job because i was the senior. i had to go to all 4 patients and apologise while listening to their mumbles. being a service provider, i just had to be thick skinned. we cant risk to have more complains than we already have and im glad the smile that sara said to be pyschotic proved to be helpful.

it seems that when i smile and listen to them, they just keep quiet faster =)

i ended work quite late. supposedly i was supposed to meet xiao qiu to watch a movie after work but i ended an hour late and she had to fetch her labtop from sim lim square. by the time we got to the cinema, we had missed the latest movie. i really wanted to watch the four christmases and i missed it again. oh my god. sian already. its going to be the third week that i last watch movie that i will hate watching movie from now on because when everytime i want to watch, i get disturbed by shopping. HAHAHA. we walked around bugis and bought a few things that cost less than ten bucks. i bought her a bagtag which has her name and i bought for me a snow white one.

WAH. so cute! because the snow white on my bagtag looks as if i drew it and i plan to trick people at work tomorrow. i wonder how many of them believe my story =) hahaha. anyways, xiao qiu bought new ear rings and i am tempted to buy a new handphone. yes. the samsung omnia or something. someone buy for me please because i love the touchscreen features. ya ya ya. dont say i break everything i touch. yes it may be true but i will take care of my baby really well =) promise?! oh well. i plan to save enough to buy one and the satisfaction will be greater!

it was fun hanging out with xiao qiu =) it has been a long time since i last went out with her. it has always been felicia or dewi so i wanted to be fair. i remember the days we went for choir and sang every song we had with loves. i miss choir. i mean i was the ONLY malay that was in choir and i could sing a chinese song well. everyone adored me at that time. choir helped me with my inner esteem. i was brave enough to sing with a group of 5 even though i didnt have a good voice and i looked really horrible last time. choir did bring me that strength to join HS idol even though i knew i had a hard time hitting that note. i still remember how the crowd sang the 'S' with me.

hey. it was supposed to be perhaps,perhaps,perhaps with an emphasis on S!

i remember how michael praise me that day =) i miss school. i miss choir. i was called a perhaps girl for a long time. working is not that bad at all. it thought me to be more responsible and more organised. it taught me to be a leader and listener to my colleagues even though i had a lot to learn in being defensive towards myself. i still have to learn how to say NO in a more nicer way.

it will take time to be more mature in the way i do things but i am doing pretty well, i think. like xiao qiu taught me yesterday about her favourite song by leona lewis.

it was never BLEEDING LOVE. she pronouced is BLOODY LOVE.

imagine me singing to her that 10000000 times.

i keep bloody, keep keep bloody in love. i keep bloody, keep keep bloody in love.

what do the radio teach you nowadays =)

have tuesdays ahead!

2008-11-30T23:17:00.003+08:00

Ayunithebest.......

when i was 19.

AARGH! AARGH! AARGH! AARGH!

guess what?! i lost my sony erricson's thumbdrive =( sad. i can only show same pictures until i find my thumbdrive.i remembered putting it somewhere but i dont know where. somemore birthday present from ace last year. come to think of it, he owes me this year =) i havent beep him so i shall do it when i feel like it one day. and yes, i have been having bad luck because my chain BROKE! omg. i just wore that birthday gift given by rebecca and friends for ONE day and it BROKE on the floor. SADNESS! i want to cry okays because it was a birthday gift after all. in the end, i still have to wear my star necklace aged 2 years plus. aww. loyalty to the neck =)

when i was 20. i think.

i have not been blogging for the past few days.this is horrifying because all i have been doing would be work,work and more work. no overtime pay somemore. free labour.its been a week that i have last went out with my friends because i was sick and i had classes to go and its been freaking two weeks since i last watch a movie with my friends. sickening. i need to watch a whole lot of movies because there used to be a time where i would be the VERY first to watch newly opened movies and when my boss asked for reccomendation, i would proudly know what to suggest. look at me now! i am horrifying lagging in the time of movies! depressing.

and yes,

when i was 21.

JCI IS NEXT WEEK. freaking horrible which means i will be immensed in more work for this week. to think sara make us study a whole small booklet and will make us recite like we are sitting for O LEVELS. my mind has been getting more slower than normal until i have my friends asking me why i am becoming more bimbotic. i am not bimbotic, i am just having mild dementia. seriously, why my brain works more slower this days. must be raffles hospital or something because ever since i work there, it equals to working for a ward on its own without passing report and its normal rounds. my head is spinning as we count down the days.

i tell you.

after JCI which would be 12 december, the first thing i would do is hug everyone in the clinic.

when i was 22.

after that, i shall immensed myself to a whole lot of calendar therapies. OMG.

SO MANY APPOINTMENTS IN DECEMBER =) let me see.

high sch with xiao.
yoga with feli.
swimming and shopping with dewi.
JCI audit.
karaoke with fmuk.
wedding planning with dewi.
christmas party with dewi and friends.
movie with ace if he is so good enough to call me out and watch.
spa with nadiah.

and more and more and more.

i am supposed to react that way, arent i. i shall blog about today and yesterday once i get my pictures from dewi and find my thumbdrive. im so beat out already. been reading the mission and vision of my hospital over 100000 times. i never knew RH wants to be the leading partner for all the people's need. LEADING leh. dont play play. haha. i loves RH =) shall hit the bed now.

one good news... I BOUGHT MY FREAKING BLACK JUMPER!!!!!

tomorrow will be another good day!

2008-11-28T20:58:00.002+08:00

Ayunithebest.......

its 13 days more to JCI and everyone is getting more and more panicky. i have been helping sara with her adminstration stuffs and boy, i have never use so much brain power in my life before. today was a hectic day because there were EIGHT lifestyle packages and only three staff nurses. out of the three, only 1 can speak chinese. i was struggling with my basic chinese and they were conversing to me in china chinese. what the cookies and creams. i managed to get through the day without any qualms =)

today dewi called me because of her love problems. sometimes i think about the things i tell her on whether i was giving more hope and protecting her against possible rejection or whether i was just believing in what i couldnt have. for the nine years that i have been friends with dewi, i know what kind of person she is. not everyone can understand how she react towards things nor not everyone can call her sane when she is actually saner than normal. at tough times like this especially when mr soya bean left her 6 months ago, i had to be there although i just broke up myself. it was not a duty but it was a calling. i knew it will be rough for her but there was something about her that changed.

i hear alot of people who call her psycho or unreasonable or crazy. of course, being me, i would just smile and ya ya at them but i know dewi is a strong person. she can protect herself when people step on her toes. she was a stronger version of me but there was one thing no one knows about her except me.

dewi is in fact a soft girl.

the difference between me and dewi is how we think. she is more to emotions and practicality.i am more to reason and what they call, complexity. thats why we match. there was certain times that dewi would call me up and yak about the same old problems 10 times in a week and yet, i have find the time to sit down and listen to her. not because i was her best friend but because she was my sister. i have the tendecy to laugh at my own problems when i am down. i laughed when i broked up with ace, i laugh when ms gorgeous 'attack' me, i laughed when i kena scolded by my boss.. you name it. i just laugh at every situation i have and even when i cry, i laugh.

dewi sometimes think i am weird for laughing.

but i know why i laugh. i taught her to laugh at things that are not worth our sadness. there were certain things i knew i should cry but instead, i laughed which in turns mean i was surpressing myself but besides that, i told her that every small little thing that doesnt bother us much, we should laugh. its been six month since she last broke up with mr soya bean and she keeps hoping he would come back. unlike me and ace, she has not been contacting him much and she holds on to assumptions that makes her touchy.

i listen to her and looked how she does love him so much.sometimes i wish mr soya bean could see how she look because i know if he does,he would come back. the reason why i listen to her about her love life and never tell her to move on because i dont want her to do something she regret. i am not like other people. i am not those people who care but not think about how a person feel because to feel what a person feel is not all about experience, its about understanding the situation.

dewi sometimes tell me that i am not working hard enough to get him but i know what is the main priority in my life now. its not the matter of winning someone's love or having him next to you but i begin to realise why things may happen this way. i know why i have to go through this even though i may not know his reasons.i have tried to move on from the past not because i dont love him anymore but i want to change myself for the better. i realised i have to be more assertive and independant. if i am too soft, i cant be a wife. i know i was so ready to marry him but then arh, come to think of it, i would have not made a good wife even though i was a nice girl. AHAH! so i shall improve myself first. i shall not list down what i want to achieve because i want it to be a secret and then i will work towards my secret.

if my secret works, then i know he will be there =) i dont know who is the he so let he be a gift.

and awak,

i know you follow me because you want to be like me but i just want to tell you again that, you are working towards your secret which is your love and as for me, i am working for my own secret that is myself so dont let anyone influence you. i am here for you. you know i will! even though you repeat the same things again. i will listen to you awak. i have always =)

SIAN! tomorrow work =( but tomorrow amazing race with dewi!

2008-11-27T13:29:00.005+08:00

Ayunithebest.......

its been two days since i last blog and i had a lot of things to do. i was on MC for two days because of the stupid delifrance and guess what happen. rebecca called me to complain how horrible work has been when i was not around. i was surprised because i never guess it would be so bad. i mean everyone showed face to everybody. when i came back, nearly everyone want to boycott me for not coming to work because i made them work harder. i was sick for goodness sake.

i knew things would happen this way but it was not just fair because when i was the only staff nurse around for a long long time, i never did complain even though i did show a bit stressful face. when susan was the only one around, everyone pitied her. of course i pity her also, i am that type that who take care of my nurses and somemore they never let her eat. how horrible it that. oh well, i managed to get myself to work as usual. work was fine until sara called me in to do my confirmation. i have been busy with work until i forgot to fill in the feedback form.HAHA and guess what. i should have been confirm last month. they delayed my confirmation. what the cookies and creams. i learnt alot of things about myself and sara was kind of motivating me.

ayunie,you are the most senior among all of them given the time you are here and you know that most of the nurses depend on you to help them because you are more approachable. im glad you have that cheerful attitude in you so that when things go rough, you are looked upon as an example to show towards your staffs but remember you have to know when to be professional and when not to. i understand that your attendance is regular even though you have taken mc. i am okays with it but you see, your staff depends on you. once you MC, they kind of feel demotivated =) which is a good thing for you because they depend on you.

WAH! for once i feel so important =) i know i have more responsibilities than other people and that i have just graduated with NO ward experience but being in this clinic builds up my service personality and also, my organisational skills. i learnt to work effectively as a team and also, to listen and not side with anyone. people may say my work is easy because i work during office hours and rarely get patients or so they may think but i believe my work is just as tough because mine is a new clinic. i am pioneering it from the start, just like a baby. i am happy =)

and yes. I AM A CONFIRMED STAFF ALREADY! bonus here i come!

anyways, did i tell you i lost interest in meeting or talking to guys because all of them are girl like. i feel that they have this evil thoughts everytime they talk to me so yes. i shall stop talking to online people for once. i think after 7 mths of breaking up, i am kind of immune to the fact people are orbi queking me about ace or even telling me i am ugly or so. hurhur but still, dewi told me to learn how to be a friend and not be a friend at times. i am adapting to that fairly well but knowing me, i think i will be just fine. and yes, ace still is my friend okays. stop saying i want to get close to him because i want him. RUBBISH.

anyways,

two days ago, i went down to borrow something from FMC and guess what. i saw HIM! wah i saw HIM HIM HIM HIM =) and so i must act like nothing happened. i did and i knew i promised to ask him out if i see him but guess what happened.

me: thanks again for borrowing me ventolin ya =)
him: no problem. thanks.
me: ah..*mr nurse* hmm.
him: yes ayunie?
me: ah.. thanks again!

he stared at me like one kind and end of with that grin. he knew i wanted to say something but i just couldnt say it. aargh! i dont know why! because i could ask other guys out but this one, i just cant.OMG! this reminds me of that time i told ace i like him for 15 minutes at the mrt. HAH! what the toot toot i was doing. i dont know also. so embarrasing. i seriously want to say this,

can i.. can i.. can i ask you out?

girl cannot ask meh but then, the words cannot come out. OMG. i am so excited even when i type this. AIYAH. i shall not be so excited because everytime i call his department and he answers, i would be like giggling on the phone. WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. okays, haha. i dont know. maybe the next time i would pluck out more courage to say. maybe ask him out to go christmas shopping with me or something?HAHAHAHA. even my whole REMC knows that i like him or something.

WAHAHAHAHAHAHA. shy shy shy.

okays got to go religious class now. HUNGRY!

2008-11-25T16:25:00.002+08:00

watch this. makes my day =)

WATEVER! i was following the number one minah pose.

i am given two days mc because of the breakfast buffet that i ate in delifrance.it costs me err diarrhoea and fever. so suay =( waited for 2 hours in the polyclinic and the doctor told me that i ate something wrong and my temperature ws high. i never noticed even. so funny. i think people at work are already cursing me but what the cookies and creams. i shall rest until i get better. oh yes! yesterday,i decided to return the book to mr emo. this mr emo arh,i dont know what to say. emo number one i tell you. i was seriously sick and he can somemore make me come to city hall to return the book. OMG. he could say things like, "i will be there soon. i know the book is a burden to you" what the tooot tooot.excuse me.i never find the book a burden. i told you to hurry because i was already blacking out in raffles city.

I WAS SICK! i know he wanted me to accompany him around but i relented. felt bad for making him come but it seemed he didnt understand the difference of being sick and pretending to be sick. i wasnt pretending in the first place. GUYS! silly.

to continue our story,after watching tv at the hotel, we had to leave because karen had to meet her loved one so we followed all the way to golden mile or something complex and took a walk here and there. syiok. the shopping centre was big! its like the next wisma atria or something. we walk all around it and initially we wanted to watch a movie but the movies are like limited.pfft. so we walked and walked until our legs want to break =( haha. err. we spend an hour or so in cold storage somemore. hahaha!

bought some supplies to bring to the hotel to eat. i was already craving for mcdonalds and finally i got to finish the mega mcspicy with muhaimin. felicia as usual was dieting. HAHAHA. we talked and took photos of jumps so here it is =)

PICS

STEP ON FELICIA!

oooh sexy muhaimin!

abang muhaimin not behaving well.

it was then time to go home for muhaimin. send him off to the bus and took a bus to holland V. felicia wanted to go wala wala or something but then the pub was like a MARKETPLACE. so unclassy and there was no liveband. this girl somemore want to drink barcadi and then want me to taste somemore. HAHA. later you rape me how. anyways, along the way, we bought some ice cream and saw someone so familiar in the dark.

i thought it was a GHOST but actually it was yen. WAH. yen remember my name =) she is still working in raffles OT and enjoying her life there. we were exchanging our views about the JCI and boy, was it fun to talk to her. felicia asked her about modelling and air stewardess again. it seemed felicia still doesnt see herself as SIA material. shrugs! it was a 30 minutes conversation and then we hailed a cab and back to our hotel we go =)

the ride only cost less than 10 bucks and we hit the bed soon after washing up. it was fun though because we could waste electricity =) hahaha. slept while opening the television and the night was pretty cooling and peaceful until...

FELICIA WOKE ME UP AT 8AM just to go breakfast at delifrance =(

she always find a way to wake me up and complain how i move my body so hard.and so, groggily, i had to wake up and bath in 15 minutes because the breakfast buffet ends at 1030 at paragon. of course we had to check out earlier and we bid our room goodbye. it was such a fun one night with felicia. HAHAHA but i am going to miss my MTV =( we took a cab at paragon and act like one tai tai,morning morning go delifrance and eat.

HAHAHA. it was worth it. 12 bucks for a lot of bread until diarrhoea. good or what =) we walked around at paragon and went to burberry and found this nice bag.WAH! i want that bag which cost a nice amount of 2006.

SO CHEAP. HAHAHA. yarh.

PICS!

me smsing the police on disturbance in my blog.

i am the ghost!

and

i had fun =) i cant wait to accompany felicia for her makeover tomorrow. she is taking part in a contest somemore. WEEE! if she wins, i shall ask her to bring me to JAPAN provided abah allows which he wont. HAHAHA!

should i ask him out for a date or should i wait? i mean he has a nice smile and then, so polite. if i see him tomorrow, i will ask him =) like how arh. like how. so embarrasing! hehehehehhe =)

have a happy tuesday and to iqbal, thanks for the comment. i know i am ugly.

im proud of it =) toodles!

2008-11-24T11:51:00.002+08:00

Ayunithebest.......

my EXTRA long picture post. (PART ONE)

me and that cotton dress.

this is how i look like after spending a night out in a hotel,planning surprises for my best friend, walking aroung holland V till wee hours and facing a wake up call from felicia.i am dead beat tired after she made me wake up at 8am when i could have slept till the check out time of 12pm.this is so unfair!anyways,it was muhaimin's BIG day celebration for his 20th birthday. that boy finally hit the number 20.it was a process of hardship when you plan it with felicia because felicia can give a lot of suggestions but she can never decide so it was a month of planning.initially we plan to stay in a hotel with muhaimin (yes, one guy and two girls) but muhaimin's mom was rather sceptical about letting him out at night just because he is in a polic force. i guess all men in blue are well trained =)

we got a bit upset about it but the plan had to still go on! so i was the hotel decorator.

the hotel.

we got COPTHORNE's king as our hotel. possibly the cheapest among all four star hotels to sleep in and it cost initially 150 bucks. being broke, there was only 150 bucks in my credit so i really thought it was NET price.i went there with a bunch of decors and a box of cake to carry and it was super duper tiring.somemore the weather was super warm and the hotel was really hard to find =( i managed to find it and boy, i got SO excited that i snapped pictures of it. of course la.its a four star hotel so must be k**** a bit =)

WAH so nice can.

the entrance was not bad. it was quite peaceful and i walked in trying to act like one foreigner.it was simply funny that i was holding plastic bags and it look super unclassy! what the cookies and creams.it was time to pay so i handed my ONLY mastercard and whoosh,things started to happen because the receptionist swapped thrice and it still couldnt get through. i thought there was something wrong with my card because i know the price should not go beyond 150 until she told me it was 176 bucks. OMG. where did the extra 26 bucks come from! boody toot the tax. kena cheated of course =( worst still, i needed to walk 10 minutes to the atm under the hot sun and i was running late!

sickening. all for muhaimin =) hahaha. and so i rushed back to the hotel and POOF! i got my room after withdrawing all the money me and felicia left for the month. hehe! oh yes.i was super excited because i will be the first to see how the room looks like!

AND YES,

our bed =)

WAH! the bed super comfy and the room has a BATH TUB! wah i love bath tubs because i like the feeling of sitting in and not doing anything =) hahaha. the room was facing holiday inn and we were on the 8th floor. nice nice nice. i tell you, it was a worth 176 even though i had a hard time finding what is what. i didnt know you must put the card at the slot so that the hotel will lit up by itself.i was without aircon for 20 minutes.HAHAHA. and yes, i was so mad that i complain to felicia about it. actually it was my mistake.

JEEZ!

BATHTUB WEEE!

it took me one manpower to blow and put up 10 balloons and getting myself a heart attack from the balloons popping up.lucky no such thing happen. i had streamers to put up and also the birthday banner but voila, i did it =) by the time i was done, i was runnning late but i didnt want to be so sticky. i had time to bath and took some poses with the hotel. haha!

PICS!

ayunie after walking all the way to the atm.

see my eyebags, totally obvious!

muhaimin's crown that i wore first!

the entrance to the room!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

on the bed for him =)

i rushed out of the hotel and decided to take a cab. wow. spend like less than 5 bucks from my hotel to heeren.macam tai tai okays.i met the gang at fish and co and all of them were like waiting for me. hurhur. after all the balloon popping and climbing,i was pretty hungry!i joined my besties for a meal sponsored by muhaimin of course and talked about the latest gossips in town. kind of fun because we havent been seeing karen for a long time. we ordered like a whole big plate of seafood things and boy, it was darn nice =) hungry everything goes.

basically this is what we did in fish and co.

eat a whole plate of seafood
talk like nobody's business. as usual felicia talked more
me and felicia got the staff to sing happybday fish and co style
muhaimin had to stand on a chair =) and hold his cheesecake
i was laughing like mad!
we were very happy

PICS!

karen and muhaimin happily eating the cake!

he is muhaimin. she is ayunie.

i hate it when i tie my hair.

the four of us happily eating good food =)

and.

haha. ugly face of mine!

it was a fun lunch and we had to proceed to the next stop which was the hotel. i made them walk behind heeren and we took a cab there. too bad it was peak period because i end up paying extra more. once we reached there, you should see muhaimin's expression because he die die dont want to come inside the hotel. like kena taboo or something. initially i lied to them that we had to go to the hotel to take something from my auntie. then i have to act talking to my auntie on the phone when actually there was NO ONE on the phone. hurhurhur. i led them up to the hotel room and instructed muhaimin to close his eyes. the funny thing was karen was lost and me and felicia had a hard time deciphering each other. WAHAHAHA. but we managed to do it =)

hail to the king.

this felicia go and spray all those streamers thingy out of our hotel room and there was this ang moh who was like stoning there. HAHA. in the end she had to clean up. when i wanted to spray that streamer on muhaimin's shiny head, it was all gone =( so suay. anyways, we jumped on the bed and cuddled the comforter. i made muhaimin search for his pressie which was located in the safe with a coded number. HAHAHA. aiyah, this boy so smart. he didnt need help for it and he could actually open the safe on his own =)

WAH! nice nice nice. he certainly love his pressie and cake until he blushed. we were happy! played snap for a while and watched boiling point on MTV =) of course PICTURES!

PICS!

min blowing out his unlit cake.

karen is bored by my poses.

can you see me there =)

EAT EAT EAT!

EAT THIS ------>

the four of us in one king size bed.

pouts.twist and what is felicia doing!

LOVES!

we had so much fun in the hotel but karen had to leave early so it was round two of fun with min. feli and me after karen left. im just going to blog it tomorrow. i have to see the doctor now. not so well todays =(

COMING UP SOON!

2008-11-23T15:45:00.005+08:00

Ayunithebest.......

felicia got me addicted to this new korean song sung by the wondergirls. we were in our hotel room and she started playing this song entitled NOBODY. its been a long time since i hear a good korean song except for my girl and winter sonata. i was asking her the translations of this song and yarh. this must be the best song of the year for me.

see the translation and video below.

You know I still love you baby
And it will never change

Chorus
I want nobody, nobody but you
I want nobody, nobody but you
I don’t want anyone else
I can’t have anyone but you
I want nobody nobody, nobody nobody

Why are you trying to push me away? I hate it.
You ignore what I am saying
Why are you trying to send me to other guys?
Why are you doing this?

Saying that this is for my own good
Saying that you are just not enough
Stop it right now, you know me well enough
Why are you forcing what you know I don’t want?

Chorus x2

I’m satisfied, I’m happy
If I have you I don’t want for anything else
Who do you want me to meet and be happy with?
I can’t be happy away from your side

Saying that this is for my own good
Saying that you are just not enough
Why can’t you understand that it makes no sense?
How can I be happy without you?

Chorus x2

I don’t want nobody, body body
I don’t want nobody, body body
Really, if it is not you
I hate it!

Chorus x2

Back to the days
When we were so young
And wild and free
Everything was just like a dream
I want to go back to those times
Why do you keep on pushing me away?
Why do you push me away?
I don’t want nobody, nobody
Nobody nobody but you

ENJOY!

i would like to dedicate the song to all men that think they are brave to let their love ones go but they actually make it worser. hahaha. maybe we should for a team of our wondergirls to dance to this song.i like to recruit felicia, dewi, myself and two more heartbroken girls to join the club =) and then we invite ace, soyabean, aussie pilot and the other two boys to see. no no no. we be popular first and then we surprise them. see they come or not!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHA.

ya la ya la. i am just kidding only but seriously the dance step is super cute and nice. i want to learn it. talking about dance, i like to show this advert on my blog. those who inspire to dance this song or any song of all and you think you can dance unlike me, i actually think i am talented in dancing. HAHAHAHA. please read below =)

Hey guys!!!
You think u've got the potential?
You think you've got the groove???
& are you guys dancers floating around w/o any crew??
If u are any of the above, we are lookin for you...

We are opening up a new HIP HOP crew. If u guys/gals are dancers who can do any of these types of dancers, u shuld give it a try to join our new crew...

Dance genres:

HIPHOP
BREAKDANCE
POPPING
LOCKING
STREET JAZZ

We are hoping to get any of u guys/gals out there to give a try..
If you guys are interested, just sent me an email @ chubby_hunny_2511@hotmail.com with these 5 following details:-

Name
Age
Email Address
Which type of dance u style in
A short brief on why you guys are interested to join the crew

go join la. dont shy shy. i know you all dance at night in the living room while your parents are away right. hehe. dont act i dont know arh. eh. isnt that describing me? =)

invisble woman on top of batgurl and starfire giving that smile with robin.

will update this soon =)

yarh. karen sitting on my butt. HAPPY SUNDAY!

2008-11-23T14:55:00.007+08:00

eat a whole plate of seafood
talk like nobody's business. as usual felicia talked more
me and felicia got the staff to sing happybday fish and co style
muhaimin had to stand on a chair =) and hold his cheesecake
i was laughing like mad!
we were very happy

PICS!

karen and muhaimin happily eating the cake!

he is muhaimin. she is ayunie.

EAT THIS ------>

the four of us in one king size bed.

pouts.twist and what is felicia doing!

COMING UP SOON!

2008-11-21T11:14:00.004+08:00

Ayunithebest.......

have you all taken the mrt to work before especially peak hours at 730am to 8am.i have been taking the mrt to work and its often said that singaporeans will always be singaporens.why oh why must one million people squeeze in one cabin and not wait because the moment i wait and want to get inside the cabin,i feel like a sperm trying to get inside the uterus.seriously.i am having great sex everyday with the mrt and other one thousand million singaporens. oh well.

i am having good fun at work until i had anxiety attack the day i met ace just because sara was rushing me the datelines.omg.i had so much things to do.i dont like to work under pressure but since i have been keeping it inside of me,i was starting to show that i couldnt take it.i had to top up the rooms,do my drug orders in two hours,trace things for my e-trolley,be a nurse,be a cashier and be so many things at one time.at that point of time,i needed someone to talk to.i called ace since i was meeting him but he had a briefing so lucky felicia was there to hear me.i cried at work.for SIX months, i finally cried. wah. must be under a lot of stress.

BUT ONE HAPPY THING IS!

at least i am a step closer to confirmation.i was about to confirm until there was super duper lots of prescription and procedures to do so im still not confirm.sara somemore can forget about my confirmation in the afternoon.pfft.oh well, i managed to finish work early and waited for the prince to come as usual. of course,mr always late because of traffic jams came 45 minutes after the meeting time. i didnt mind because safety comes first.ace came later and we decided to go marina square to shop.i showed the shop that would suit him but he die die dont want. omg.i dont understand. he doesnt want to try something different and i wanted him to try the vest thingy but i decided not to voice out in case he will run out of the shop.

HAHAHAHA.

so we went to LEVI's to buy his shirt. i remember there was this time he bought levis shirt for himself and now, for a wedding, he also buy a levis shirt. alamak. this boy arh,dont know what to say. from the specs to shirt to jeans to shoes and belt are all LEVIS trademark. dont believe, go and see =) hahahaha!it was fun choosing the shirt for him. i felt like a mom choosing her son's uniform or something.just imagine that. we didnt actually buy the shirt there. had to go raffles city for that. got him to try some jeans too! hahaha, it was funny.

i was tucking his shirt in and out, trying to ask him to tuck it in because i dont want him to look so unsmart on the wedding day. omg. so hard can but we finally bought that 90 bucks worth of shirt. i knew he was half hearted on buying it but it was the only thing we could best. nevermind ace! you look nice in anything in my eyes =) HAHAHA. hmm.

we had a nice dinner and we talked alot =) i wanted to talk actually. i know that i used to write in my blog what i say to him or he said to me but i rather keep some things private because i believe in going on strong.

like i said before,

one thing ace said to me

you are a good person. there are people who try to be good and there are people who are sincerely good where everything they do, its for the good of others and you are that person. you do not need to do anything more. there are people who have nothing and wants everything and there is you. you have everything but you think you have nothing. you are just fine yourself. there is one thing i know about you is that if the world were to crumble down or people were to judge me, i know when i come to you, you will understand me.

and then i asked him smilingly.

am i still the best firdaus.

he smiled and answered,

yes, you are. =)

sometimes i look at ace and i see how i needed him to be there but i finally felt that he needed me to know that he believes in me and my presence to be there.i still ask him the question that i wanted answers for so i would know what to do but he just couldnt.i could see that he was hiding something like if he could tell, he would but i dont know what it is but one thing i know was ace is trying to find his way through life and he wants to show himself that he can get anything he puts effort in, be it love, work and other things. i know i am not what he wants to get but its kind of a relief that he seeks comfort in me.

and i know there are some things i can tell about him without him telling and he knows a lot about how my mind works but im still waiting for the day he tells me an answer. not that it gives me a decision but i want to feel relief. haha. oh wells. all this complications! i shall see what life gives me instead.

oh YES.

now i have a new friend. mr msyterious man =) and he is one of a kind.

shall blog about it soon!

2008-11-19T21:47:00.002+08:00

Ayunithebest.......

TADAH TADAH =)

its the defected video that me and xiao qiu did at jurong east MRT station at around 1030hours.i wanted to do something different for muhaimin's birthday so i hope he enjoys this even though my stupid handphone destroyed the timing. AARGH. irritating. anyways, happy birthday dear old friend. you are a BIG 20 now and i LOVES you lotsy. thanks for being there for me every single time and i hope you stop saying my fated meets with indian guys. you are born an indian but your ic happen to state malay so dont play play =) hahaha! i hope you will be happy always and i will be here for you no matter what okays!

lets blog about today =) but before that.

GUESS WHAT!!!!!

i heard from my mom that my brother is saving money to buy me a PSP =) wah since when he knows i wanted a PSP. actually i dont want PSP but a DS LITE instead. haha but okays, PSP will do! i was quite touched when i heard that from mom.i didnt know my brother did care about me because we dont really talk much ever since we turned older by the day. oh wells. hopefully i get a white with gliterry angel wallpaper PSP. WAH. can play MARIO everyday! i even ask ace to download it on his PSP so i can play! hahaha. happyness.

okays getting back.

yesterday i went home feeling tired. i was supposed to call ace or it so seemed to be to talk about his long story about cinderella and snow white but i totally forgot about it.instead i thought he ws supposed to call me. i must be really suffering from short term memory.thinking that he would call,i waited for a while and decided to sleep since he never did. i was so used to it that i didnt mind it until in the morning, someone called. OMG.

ace called!

oh. okays. i was supposed to call him and he waited until wee hours in the morning while playing his PSP.where got like that.of course he could wait long. he WAS playing his PSP.i felt bad for making him wait actually. he wanted me to help him with something so i did.im still his personal trusted secretary it seems =) i went to work as usual and it was a lot of ear syringing patients today. i think i nearly vomit seeing ear wax twice in a day. so unfair.the clinic was not bad.i did get some work done and susan was sick. i pity susan because i told sara that she seemed so flu-ish. a good supervisor would have ask her to go home but NO. sara ask her to rest in the clinic. WHAT the cookies and creams. i dont blame sara actually. i know we are short handed due to eugenia's pregnancy but still. a sick person cant work so well. you know what i mean?

i dont mind not having overtime pay or claim time but i mind if my colleagues are not treated well and the thing is when i needed to claim time, i am not given. its like so unfair =( i just hope they let me off at 3pm tomorrow. i mean i have been working alone for some time and for once, i want to go, they JUST dont let me. it just show how much so called importance i am. hmmph. as i was doing my work and getting done the task ace asked me to do, he called me FIVE times and i didnt hear.we were supposed to meet tomorrow and then he suddenly called to meet today.

aiyah cheh. i thought he really want to meet today because he missed me. hahaha. actually he wanted to get that document from me. hah! so funny! i had to sneakily go down and hand the document and then saw the king in his ever powderful honda. guess what the first thing i saw was.

WAH! ACE CHANGED SPECS SEH. jealous can but i think mine nicer =) somemore he was a levis brand.apparently he bought it with his bestie,azmi. i knew it. one look at the specs and i know who he bought it with. hahahaha. i thought he would buy that reebok one but he didnt. shrugs! anyways, he looks nicer and cooler. i got back to work after my task and boy, it was a breeze by the sea. we were supposed to have fire drill today but due to the heavy rain, it was postponed =) YAYS! it was a not so bad day at work.

but i got home from shopping for min's gift so tiringly. i collasped in the mrt and my legs are still wobbly even though i just ate. i couldnt really hear who called me. i just wanted to go home and rest. oh wells. i just cant wait to see ace tomorrow and then celebrate min's birthday on saturday. we put in quite an effort to plan it and working with felicia is like working with some VIP from USA. hahaha.

im going to get rest now. i see you all soon =)

2008-11-18T23:52:00.008+08:00

Ayunithebest.......

all stress already.

i had the most FUN tuesdays of my life =) it started out tiring because i had a lot of things to do and i had an audit coming up in the afternoon.sara gave me a dateline of ordering drugs by this friday which is darn soon but what the cookies and creams.i woke up late again because i gave myself 5 minutes dateline everytime i decide to wake up and i end up going to work 15 minutes late! silly ayunie. the clinic was quiet today so i managed to get my work done and study the protocols and policies. you could tell. everyone was stress.almost everday we have a roll call. how boring is that. we managed to pass through the trial audit =) WEEEE! and yes, REMC has her first christmas tree and i helped to decorate it.its small but it surely gives people the christmas mood.

i love to work now =) anyways,

christmas joy!

i went to meet hafizah,syakinah and xiao qiu after work because its LADIES night today. we went to mind's cafe to have a session of fun boardgames and boy, it was super duper fun!seriously,you stress ladies out there should go and play because not only you play for free, you get free basket of small munchies =) yummies! sorry guys but men have to pay 3 bucks per hour so yarh. oh well. there are a wide variety of games there and hafizah decided to teach us pictionary first.

thinks!

pictionary is DRAWINGS and its my favourite game to play. we splited into two teams. hafizah and syakinah in the orange team. me and xiao qiu in the yellow team.the game is simple. you have to draw the given word in what colour box you are in and in 1 minute or so, your team members have to guess the word. the funny thing is you have four options to the dice. you may have to close your eyes and draw, never hold a pencil and lift it up for once to draw, draw with your non dominant hand or draw both things that the card says.

err. my team lost this game. all because of XIAO QIU!

she had the most funniest things to draw. she drew a hotel like teeths or HDB flats. i had a hard time guessing it =( and she was trying to open her mouth to give clues and hafizah was like saying if only i could scotchtape her mouth!there was this time she had to draw a wedding and she drew THREE CROSSES plus a flower and a house. you guess it right. without a bride and groom. how to guess?!

WAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

and syakina drew this boy and some strokes which depicted the word JUMP and hafizah guess it as a boy peeing. WAHAHAHA. omg. i had a good laugh =) oh well. sya and fizah won by 4 points while me and xiao qiu lost with dignity. tough luck!

retardeds. kan cute =)

the next game we played was more on expressions. you are supposed to act/draw/voice out the expression that you picked out. this was probably our favourite game =) i think i did well on my expressions but the award will still go to xiao qiu because her expressions were all the same. HAHAHA. we had a hard time guessing and we keep laughing until it delayed the time to play. there was this time syakina and hafizah acted out different words and xiao qiu keep guessing it as suspicious. HAHAHA. syakina had her eyes popping out when she acted the word confused and hafizah's word sleazy was deemed as flirtatious.

yarh. that fun =) all can become mediacorp actresses already!

HAHAHAHA!

the last game was more of SNAP the bell according to the numbers of christmas decor cards you have. wah. i won that game. it was like mahjong. hafizah keep snapping the card instead of the bell so she lost =( hahahhaha! fun fun fun. we played for two hours and with an amount of ZERO dollars. very very worth it. i think i had a huge stomach cramp after laughing so so so much for two hours.

anyways, PICS!

they want to shoot my not so big boobs =(

shoot me. shoot xiao qiu for the money stealing.

WAHAHAHAHAHA.

we all yearn to be artistes one day.

syakinah. hafizah and ayunie =)

and the NUMBER ONE PIC.

look at where i put the guns. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

i have no idea what i am doing but yarh,i was that crazy =) woohoo! tomorrow will be another day and weee, ace is going out with me in two days to buy his clothes. like SUPER finally and he owes me alot. wah. now must go shopping with him so that he will look more handsome for his girlfriend. WAHAHAHA =) not me la. you all believe me somemore.anyways,

tune in tomorrow for a special video for muhaimin's birthday. done by ayunie and xiao qiu =)

have a nice wednesday!